God Its Like You Can Touch Him When Hes Dying But Only If You’re Doing Something Only If You’re Putting

Bill Nye for most of his career: Imma do science for kids. Science without politics. Nice, tame science for the kiddos.

Bill Nye now:

I've figured out how 6.09 "Warning Signs" is going to be THE Buddie episode we've been waiting for -

literally the opening of "I Found" by Amber Run has the line - I'll use you as a warning sign - it's been used on the show already in 2.07 "Haunted" in the scene when Buck writes the goodbye letter to Abby and finally moves out of her apartment - but if you listen to the entire song, it literally screams Buddie -

And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be Right in front of me... Talk some sense to me

And I'll use you as a makeshift gauge Of how much to give and how much to take I'll use you as a warning sign -

they just need another opportunity to use the song again with Buddie this time around and hey maybe the title was inspired by it!

as 911 season approaches a shoutout and moment of silence to our non-american brethren who sacrifice many precious hours of sleep to watch the weewoos live. i don’t know why we do it but we do and its very sexy of us

all found families have... (black bulls edition)

*insp based on this post*

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so, um.

i've been thinking about "pilgrimage" for a while now. and about how we still haven't reached much of a consensus on what we're expecting from that episode.

pilgrimage. definition: a journey, especially a long and difficult one, made to some sacred or important place, typically as an act of devotion, or in search of deeper meaning, healing, or understanding.

the way this show works, i'm expecting to see all the characters on their own personal pilgrimages. some of them are easier to imagine than others.

maddie and chim taking jee-yun on her first beach trip, maybe. maddie, reconciling and processing both her harrowing, terrifying time in the ocean and her fear of jee near water. chimney, there to support her. both of them anchoring and grounding themselves in each other's presence, in the security of their family, and in the comfort that comes from teaching jee-yun to swim. watching her safely doggy paddle and splash and play in the shallow water, a lifejacket on her shoulders and a smile on her face, with the knowledge that she's safe and happy with both of her parents.

hen, finishing med school. becoming a doctor, finally, after her long journey of stress and studying and sleepless nights. she worked so, so hard to get here, and it was worth it. she doesn't necessarily have to leave her job and her home at the 118- she could be captain there someday, after all! but she's armed with so much more knowledge now, knowledge and training that will help her save even more lives, whether that's in a hospital or out in the field. and that medical license? it will help her advocate for every patient she treats, especially the ones overlooked by the medical system- her mom comes to mind. it forces everyone to take her seriously, to give her the respect she deserves, from the moment she introduces herself to them. and above all else, she will have proven to herself that she can do it. that she can chase each and every one of her dreams, at her pace and on her terms. just like she quit her pharma job, just like she became a firefighter despite eva's lack of support- only now, she has the support and encouragement from all her family and friends.

bobby, taking a trip to minnesota. maybe athena's with him, maybe may and harry. or maybe not. the fire at dispatch brought back a lot of old pain for him, even as saving may helped heal some of his oldest wounds. a karmic balancing of the scales, in a way- we know bobby tends to see things that way. but may isn't brooke. bobby buried a wife, a son, a daughter. and visiting their resting place to pay his respects, to tell them about his sobriety, about his new family, about how he creates families everywhere he goes now, about how much he misses them every day but despite it all he hasn't stopped living- that's a pilgrimage. and one i think he sorely needs to take, in order to heal.

for a while, i thought buck might take a trip back to hershey in this episode. but now i'm not so sure. eddie's already been back to el paso, and aside from that, i wasn't sure what a pilgrimage might look like, for him.

but then it hit me.

buck and eddie, going back to the site of the shooting. together. talking about it, processing it- as frank put it, "maybe you should talk about your pain with someone who shares it. think about your trauma. and then talk to someone who can understand exactly what you've been through."

that would be a pilgrimage, wouldn't it?

there's this scene in survivors, that i don't think we talk about enough- understandably, considering everything else going on in that episode. it's a quiet, blink-and-you'll-miss-it little moment between bobby and athena, that takes place only a handful of scenes after buck hauls eddie into the fire engine and desperately tries to keep him from bleeding out. and it goes like this:

athena: you know, after i was attacked, we never really talked about it.

bobby: well, i always got the sense you didn't want to.

athena: no, i mean... we never talked about what it was like for you.

bobby: there's that thing people say... 'i don't know what i'd do without you'. because losing someone you love is such an alien concept. you don't want to imagine what it's like. and i was sitting in that engine thinking i was listening to you dying. and i didn't need to imagine anything. i knew what my life would feel like without you in it. and it scared me.

👀

so, yeah. pilgrimage. i'm a firm believer in buck and eddie having their first kiss in the kitchen- i'm ready to tell you that i'm in love with you, so i'm telling you now, because i need you to know how loved you are, but i also know you need more time, and i will wait right here until you're ready for me too.

but when it comes time for a mutual display of commitment, that we're really doing this, i'm all in if you're all in, for better or for worse moment? i can't think of a better spot than the intersection where everything changed. episode one gave us a call where a man was shot by what looked to be a (large caliber) bullet, but was revealed to be a symbol of gay love and commitment- life saving for one man yet simultaneously life threatening for another. the thing that hurts is sometimes the thing that heals.

remember the funny little thing eddie said to buck in survivors, right before it all went south?

should have gotten here sooner.

pilgrimage: that street corner, no blood in sight. foreheads pressed together, leaning close, shaky hands on each other's faces, teary eyes. a kiss, maybe, or maybe not- the meaning's still the same.

buck, to eddie: nah. we're right on time.

Happy pride y’all! 

If you want to support a little lesbian artist and express yourself in the form of a dragon, you can find all my pride flag buddies here and get them printed on shirts, phone cases, stickers, bags, what have you!

i can't stop thinking about photographer buck so...

It’s mostly a joke, when Eddie first mentions photography to him. Buck's editing a photo on Lightroom on his phone between calls, a photo of Eddie and Chris at the beach.

It's beautiful and Eddie loves it. Buck took it without them even noticing, the photo being even more special that way. Eddie is laughing at something Chris said, they're both wet from playing on the ocean and they have sand on their arms, hands and shoulders. The sun shining down and making the both of them look golden. The rays of sunshine forming almost a halo around them— the waves at the back making the picture even more breathtaking.

Eddie's half joking, half serious, when he tells Buck to buy a fancy camera to take pictures with.

He didn't think Buck would actually listen to him.

Next thing he knows, Buck's instagram becomes full of digitized film pictures of the 118, their family barbeques at the Grant-Nash's house. Pictures of Chris and Eddie at the beach, of Jee playing at the park, of Maddie laughing at one of Chim's jokes. A lot of pictures of Eddie, too.

Pictures of Eddie, of him rolling his eyes with a hand held out and half covering his face. A picture of Eddie mid-way through a laugh, an easy smile on his face.

And he swears, never before a camera has made his stomach do back-flips the way it does when Buck is trying to take a picture of him.

“I swear, I’ll break that thing if you don’t get that out of my face,” he snaps at him. They're in Eddie's kitchen and he's trying to follow a recipe Linda sent him last week, Buck being an enormous distraction and not helpful at all.

"I like capturing people in crisis, Eddie." Buck smirks, all smug and teasing. Eddie kinda hates him a little bit.

Except for the part where he doesn't hate him at all.

Buck grins, bright and unapologetic and Eddie loves him. So much he aches with it.

"Yeah, okay. Whatever." Eddie rolls his eyes, trying to suppress the fond smile that it's already forming on his face.

Later, he'll see the picture Buck takes. Eddie will be covered in flour, it'll be everywhere. In his arms, his clothes, his cheeks. The kitchen around him a mess of ingredients and half ass attempts at a meal. Eddie looking down with a small, shy smile. The warm, almost orange glow of the kitchen light making him look all soft and golden. Later, he'll see that picture and will think oh.

Oh.

He sees me the same way I see him.

Oh.

the thing about the way that eddie talks is that he doesn’t leave room for doubt or misinterpretation when it comes to telling buck exactly what role he has in the diaz boys’ lives. “there’s no one else I trust more with my son.” “no one else will fight for my son as hard as you.” “that’s what I want for him.”

it’s not “I trust you” or “I appreciate how much you love my son”, no. eddie has told Buck over and over again that he’s his number one.