And Right When You're In The Middle Of Talking To Me, You Interrupt Me To Tell Me You're Getting A Call

I'm not even gonna lie. I think kidnapping would fix us. Having someone else control everything again, being hurt, things done against my will, being treated as a lesser.

Tbh it doesn't even need to be kidnapping, just any kind of abuse/control hits (heh.) the spot, kidnapping is just the best possible outcome.

I can't even sleep right anymore because i need someone telling me what to do. If I knew how to seek it out, I would. We used to be able to find anyone like this but now we have no idea. Someone put me out of my misery.

I'm so happy for him. I'm so happy he has friends. I'm so happy he can go out and hang out with people and be happy. But I'm not happy. Why is there somebody else he can be happy with. I'm his best friend. Why does it hurt so much. Is it the jealousy that I can't have relationships like that? That I can't make friends or have people that understand me/are on my wavelength? That all of my relationships are face-value/meaningless except for him, we have a deep connection, how can he have a deep connection with other people that he hasnt known very long? I have known him for 5 years, I'm the only friend he's had for so long, surely I have the privilege to be the only one that can make him happy?

I can't let him know I feel this way. I can't ruin my relationship with the only person I have. It fucking hurts whenever he talks about the friend he met abroad that's coming over to see him. When he talks about friends, about being in active group chats that he participates in with friends in his local area. Why can't I be in his local area. Why can't I visit him more than 3 times a year. Why can't he make the effort to come visit me like I make the effort to go visit him.

I'm serious when I say we have a deep connection, but it doesn't feel like it sometimes.

It's not fair. None of this is fair.

ok im really getting sick of my "bestie" leaving me on read !!! why the fuck aren't you talking to me as much as you used to !!! i wish you didn't fucking control everything i do even when you're not fucking doing anything at all to me !!!

Came home from work in such a dog mindset and I had one single drink and it made it so much more intensified… then I sat on the floor and he petted my head… then he gave me belly rubs… then scratched… then kissed… then spat in my mouth… then choked me… then gave me scars… then punched me… basically I got (consensually) abused and I loved it and took it like a boss. (All I actively did was lay down and follow orders (up, roll over, down…..) … maaajor need 2 live like this forever)

No wonder I want 2 cut cuz of u lol. When u go off on ur own and don't think about me or how I feel, it makes me want to open my arms. U should be with me so I don't have to feel like this. Sometimes I think u want me to feel like this. Maybe ur wishing for it. Fucking asshole

i miss him. he doesnt understand how attached i am to him

Things r so good so far this week.. waiting for the inevitable fracturing. Though, if that can happen AFTER next week once he's visited me (a SUPER recent development. I'm so excited.), I'd be very grateful. World, hear my plea.

Sometimes being around him feels like being kicked around like an unwanted toy. Why would he send me this. This is how I feel around him. Why would he make me feel this way. "Dog becoming frantic any time he lays eyes on a new" he fucking knows what he's doing, he fucking knows.

Full disclosure: He does not abuse me. I am safe.

are people aware i have serious abandonment issues or