"Of Course I Have A Lot Of Pent Up Rage. I've Been The Same Height Since I Was 12."

This???? 100% yes. (and definitely not because these are some of the stims I have shut up I'm not projecting-) and of course, as I am wont to do, I'm going to add to this

Accidentally reveals his knowledge of the internet by saying "Open na noor!!" every time a door is locked with someone on the other side

if there's NOT someone on the other side, he will dramatically pull on the door while screaming "Let me in! Let me IIINNNNN!", further exposing himself for being online

Will randomly say "You dumb whore" in the thickest possible country accent when dealing with inanimate objects

Clicks his teeth together loudly whenever it's been a little too quiet for a little too long

Automatic deadpan "Ow," every time he drops an object

A long pause followed by "I'm setting myself on FIRE," at the slightest inconvenience

Letting out really high pitched "hhhhhh" whenever he's stressed, but only if he's not in a situation where he needs to control his reactions

Randomly grumbling radio static from behind closed lips

Letting out quick little huffs of air whenever someone goes to ask him a question, to the point that he almost sounds irritated, but it's honestly just a habit

May or may not have been exposed to an episode or two of Smiling Friends, and constantly quotes Allen, but particularly "Thank god, finally. What the fuck?" in a surprisingly accurate imitation. No one knows why he quotes it because he'll do it completely at random

However, he will say "I'm tired of running errands for this happily married couple," (again, surprisingly good impression) whenever Charlie or Vaggie asks him to do something for them, but only when he's around Husk or Angel for some reason

In the middle of the night he'll just SCREAM the whole scene from Shrek about the muffin man, but a lot of the time no one will actually hear anything until they randomly hear him SCREECH "tHe MuFfIn MaN!!!!!!" at 2 in the morning. He has not seen Shrek. He honestly doesn't even know what it is, he just heard it a couple times from the kids in Cannibal Town and now has it irreversibly stuck in his brain

Automatically mocks Angel whenever he starts whining about something out of pure instinct

"Thanks, I hate it." All the time.

"Mother, I Hunger," in a frighteningly deep voice while he is cooking

He has somehow come across the Miette meme, and will constantly quote it, replacing "mother" with the name of whoever has slighted him. He'll have huge eyes, high pitched Victorian-child esque voice, pinned back ears, The Works

Thank you for listening to my TedTalk, Autistic Alastor has my whole heart

Vocal stims i think that Alastor probably has:

-Making trumpet sounds and parading around the kitchen

-Making god-awful elk sounds whenever a storm blows the lights out

-Fake sobbing without contorting his face whenever the room gets a little too quiet

-Unironically singing 2011 songs outside of the bathroom door where Lucifer is in and gradually getting louder the longer he's in there

-Screaming. Just screaming.

-Barking or meowing at the worst possible times

-Saying "AUR NAUR" a bit too loud in public.

This is a platonic SFW tickle fic, and if that isn't your cup of tea, kindly keep scrolling.

TW: it does get kind of intense but that's because Alastor is an idiot (lovingly) who doesn't know how to shut tf up, and Lucifer is a petty bastard who has been banned from completely disintegrating this deer twink.

I literally LOVE this take with all my angst loving heart. It makes sense too - the parent who doesn't fucking HIT you is always the best parent, even if they do shit that's actually just as bad, because kids don't understand how damaging it is to not receive love from a parent - they just know that that parent (AKA Alastor's mom) isn't hurting them, so obviously they're amazing, right?

I imagine that whatever scenario happens where his mom gets to see him for a bit, the others all meet her, and they're expecting this loving saint of a mother based on the way Alastor talks about her but instead they see this woman who always looks guilty when she looks at Alastor. There's none of the warmth a typical caring mother has when she looks at him. They can all see it, but for some reason, Alastor just doesn't. None of them can tell if he knows and is just ignoring it, or if he genuinely thinks this is what a mother's love is - this solemn distance and one-sided enthusiasm.

He knows though. He just tries not to think about it, and tries to love her enough for both of them.

To make things even worse, I imagine that whenever she was talking to Lucifer, Alastor overheard everything. He knew his mother didn't love him, but it still hurts to hear it from her own mouth. Then for Lucifer to say that no one else loved him either? Again, it was something he knew - he didn't really think anyone else cared for him, but hearing out loud stings.. After hearing them talk, he just goes to the kitchen with a big (painful) smile on his face and begins making one of his mom's favorite recipes. If she has food she loves, maybe it will make being around Alastor a little easier for her

I often think about a What If scenario in which Alastor's mother was actually just. Not a good mom. I don't mean in a "she's evil" sense or anything, I just mean it in a "she didn't want children" sense. Or at least, not children with Alastor's father.

I like to think about Alastor's mother doing her best, but her best isn't good enough because 1, this wasn't the life she wanted, and 2, her child's face reminds her of a man she hates. As a consequence, she doesn't actually love Alastor, and feels guilty about it.

Meanwhile, Alastor grows to understand his mother doesn't love him, but he still loves her because she stuck around anyways. Sure, she can't look him in the eyes, but she's still around, still feeding him, sewing patches into his clothes, teaching him life lessons. And most of all, she doesn't physically harm him, which isn't something he can say about his father.

Of course, the lack of love from both of his parents still does a lot of psychological harm that he's just not aware of.

Crowley: Are you bleeding?

Halt: ...No?

Crowley, practically vibrating at this point: That is not a question you should answer with another question

would you say all your fics are in the same AU?

honestly, not really. The therapy pig series and "Both Arms Cradle You Now" are in the same AU but besides that, they're all separate unless they're in a series together. Good question though

The feminine urge to lie in the dirt and imagine all the incredibly detailed action scenes complete with background music and micro expressions I have planned in my head that will never see the light of day bc I can't come up with the plot of a whole fic for them and I'm not talented enough to animate

Will, looking at Halt, Pauline, and Crowley: Someone forgot to tell the third wheel that they're a tricycle

You made it even better, and I love that.

Adding to it a bit, I feel like Halt would be the type of person who - unless he is woken in the field under threat - doesn't quite understand what anyone is saying when he first wakes up. You know that feeling where someone is telling you something, but it doesn't make any sense because your brain isn't fully loading yet? Yeah, that.

HOWEVER, Halt doesn't like looking stupid, so he'd just reply to whatever his brain is telling him the other person said - hence the random things being said. This leaves the other person bewildered, amused, and - in Crowley's case - completely ecstatic.

Just Imagine:

Tired and sleepy Halt saying random things because his brain isn't functioning properly.

Ok look, I KNOW that literally no one is happy about this picture, but hear me out:

If you use ✨edible glitter✨ and mix that into your coffee so it looks like those weird fancy wines ex:

I would totally drink that shit. I could wake up every morning and drink my Elixir of Divine Energy and feel like a witch/goddess/etc. I'd drink that in public and just leave everyone confused about wtf is in my cup. Anyways, this is why I think we shouldn't all immediately jump on the bandwagon that the glitter coffee is incurably evil and disgusting

Imagine Charlie and Alastor visit Rosie one day and Rosie just casually drops, "Hey, remember that time Zestial swaddled you during an overlord meeting?" And now Alastor has to either explain what happened to Charlie and live with the embarrassment, or let her come to her own - likely much more embarrassing - conclusions and spread them around the hotel 😭

When Zestial gets fed up