There Are Times When I Feel Like I'm Dying And In Those Moments I Need To Do Everything To Feel Alive.

mood

The “That’s immoral you shouldn’t write that, we need to get that taken down” discourse on tiktok right now is PISSING ME OFFF

Wdym you want censorship for a literal ARCHIVE are you fucking stupid

Ao3 was literally founded to preserve works that were largely getting taken down due to censorship

Censorship is the opposite of what Archive of Our Own stands for

The TAGS and WARNINGS are there for a REASON. Use them and stop complaining

The universal rule—don’t like, don’t read

It’s THAT simple

ok so she hates me

chasing city lights

chapter 22 - every word

synopsis: you move to new york to start fresh, hoping to find comfort in the city’s atmosphere. that’s when you meet sarah cameron, where she takes you to a concert and you catch sight of the lead band member, rafe cameron. it only takes a moment for you to realize you’re captivated by him. as sarah helps you navigate your new life in the city, you start to get pulled deeper into rafe's world—the music, the fame, the chaos. the more you get to know him, the more you realise that rafe is not just the rock star he seems to be. he’s wrestling with his own demons, and the last thing he needs is someone like you getting close.

masterlist

cw: language, angst, sorry this is more fic i had to get it out

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you had just settled down for the evening, having spent the day with kie you were feeling happy and ready to unwind for bed, until you heard a knock on your door.

a wave of panic rushed over you, as the knocking only increased in desperation.

you got up and looked out the window, just to see:

rafe.

what the fuck was he doing here.

you stood there, frozen in your position with your heart hammering in your chest.

another knock. louder this time.

“y/n, please open the door.”

your fingers twitched at your sides, reaching for the door knob.

how fucking dare he show up here after everything?

you yanked the door open so fast he took a step back, eyes widening slightly at your appearance.

you looked good, and from the way his gaze flickered over you, you knew he saw it too.

“what the fuck do you want, rafe?”

his jaw tensed, hands clenching into fists at his sides. “y/n." he exhaled sharply, running a hand through his messy hair. “can we just—can we talk? please?”

“talk?” you scoffed, crossing your arms. "now you want to talk? after you've seen me doing good?"

rafe’s eyes darkened, his whole body tensing. “y/n, it’s not what you think.”

you shook your head, letting out a laugh. “it never is, is it?”

his jaw twitched, struggling to keep his composure. he wasn't expecting you to be angry. “that picture—”

“don’t.” you held up a hand. “i don’t want to hear it.”

he stepped closer, his voice dropping. “it’s not what it looked like.”

you let out a sharp breath, forcing yourself to meet his sad gaze. “you think that changes anything?” your voice wavered, but you steadied it. “you didn’t call, rafe. you didn’t text. not once.”

his lips parted like he wanted to argue, "you broke up with me. what was i supposed to do?"

“you let me sit in that heartbreak alone,” you whispered, voice laced with so much anger it nearly scared you. “you didn't even try. and then i wake up to you kissing another girl?"

rafe shook his head quickly. “i was drunk, y/n-"

“no.” you clenched your jaw, gripping the door like it was the only thing keeping you steady. “let me finish. you don’t get to show up here and act like you give a shit. you don't get to release this fucking song like it'll win me back."

his eyes searched yours, something breaking in his expression. “i do give a shit,” he said, voice softer now, almost desperate. “i still- that song, i meant every word.”

“no.” you stepped back, “i don’t want to hear it.” tears threatening to spill. "you didn't even fight for me." you whispered.

rafe's heart dropped at that, he took another step forward, his voice, desperate. “y/n, please. i messed up. i know i did. but you have to believe me, that song, that was real. we were real. everything you think happened, didn't happen. i only ever wanted you, only ever loved you. fuck, still love you.”

your chest ached, like he was physically pulling at the wound he left in you. part of you wanted to believe it. but another part, the part that still felt the sting of betrayal, the part that had spent weeks crying over him, knew better.

“i don’t care.” the lie tasted bitter on your tongue.

his face fell those words punching him in the stomach. “yes, you do.”

you swallowed, you couldn't look at him. “you let me go.”

his lips parted, but no words came out. he tried to step closer, take your hand in his. you almost let him.

tears started to well up in rafe's eyes, and the sight made you want to break.

"why did you kiss her rafe? did i mean that little?" you questioned, voice shaking.

"no y/n, that isn't it." he started.

"then what is it?"

"i was so drunk."

"i know you were, i've already told you that isn't an excuse." anger burning inside you again.

"no y/n, i kissed her because-" his breath catching in his throat.

"spit it out rafe." your frustration rising.

"i thought it was you."

and just like that, the anger disappeared.

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a/n: i'm not done breaking your hearts just yet

taglist: @hoefordrewstarkey @marleymarleymarleymarley @bee-43 @cherryhoneybabe @skye-44 @drewrry @drewrry  @yesterdaysproblemm @dylsdaily @rafeysworldim19 @valyrianflower @kaiparkerwifes@judesgfirl@4urvalidation@chillgal135 @drewstarkeyslover@yesshewrites1@amterasuu@babykhloutofthisworld@blushmimi  @moonywhisp3rs @rafeysworldim19 @marleymarleymarleymarley@sabrina-carpenter-stan-account@vcnillafairy@bambii1i @sammyrenae68 @kittenjujusblog @bambii1i @thesunflowersociety @wtfdudesblog @voidangxls @jjmaybankmylovee @munsoncultedits @emmiesummers @darlingstarkey @sassyvillaintrophy  @pogueprincesa @stylestarkey @sodapopwaldor @hannaa20002000 @stelleduarte @davinashifts333

voodoo doll

pairing: jj maybank x raspberry!reader.

summary: jj vandalizes the house of one of the richest kooks on figure eight in a weak attempt to get her out of his mind or himself out of hers but everything goes sideways when he realizes she may be as crazy as he is.

warnings: pre relationship. violence (not towards reader). vandalism. past trauma. jj's canonical insecurities and impulsivity. two idiots in love. slight angst. hurt/comfort. fluff. happy ending. english is not my first language.

𝜗𝜚 poppy talks₊ ˚ ･ i just love love love the concept of jayj falling for a kook and his internal conflict, plus i think a lot of 5sos songs fit so well to write jj x reader.

Only a week had passed since JJ had ended whatever you had going on and it already felt like ages, it was probably because you had got too used to his presence in your life all day everyday whether it was texting or in your room or a hotel or your car in some parking lot late at night but it was frustrating.

It all started last summer when at the boneyard party you were too drunk to reconsider your choices and ended up hooking up with a just as intoxicated JJ in the backseat of your car. After that things were awkward between you two for a couple of days whenever you ran into each other but couldn't help but eventually crawl your way back to each other and do it a second time, then a third and a fourth... And before you know you become what could be called fuck buddies.

The problem was when it didn't end there, it kept going for months where you met for stress relief every time one of you needed it but... late nights started to turn into early mornings and you couldn't even remember when sex turned into talking. Just hours and hours of talking about your day, your week and eventually your struggles and dreams getting to know each other so deeply you could tell what the other was feeling without the need to say it.

You were in love... of course. Anyone who got to know the real JJ was doomed to fall for him, not just for his charms and flirtatious antics but the real him, the JJ who was the most loyal and supportive friend someone could ever ask for putting everyone over himself. He was special in a way you could never express with words but you tried when you talked to your mom about him, you didn't need to say much. It only took her a couple of seconds to see the spark in your eyes when you talked about him to know your feelings were genuine.

Lucky for you your parents were one of the very few ones at the island with three fingers of enough forehead to not be judgmental trash against the people on the other side, they had always taught you to enjoy what you had but to never give it for granted and to be aware that there were people who didn't had that much and it was definitely not their fault so when you talked to your mother about JJ she asked you to invite him for dinner. She wanted to meet the boy who had captured her daughter's heart and make sure he was worthy of it.

You could remember that day as if it was yesterday, how you jumped over him when he got into your room climbing for the window. JJ listen to you yap about how he could start using the door from now on and how your mom had invited him over for dinner, his arms were crossed and his face stoic while you could barely contain the excitement running in your veins pacing around the room already planning what you would be wearing but you stopped when the silence in his side had been too long. You had thought he loved you too, from the way your relationship had evolved to how he looked at you when you talked for hours about everything and nothing.

But you were wrong, at least that's what it looked like when he said he couldn't come tonight and that it would be better if you ended it right there before things could 'get ugly.' He wasn't rude but he wasn't exactly delicate about it and with just a couple of awkward excuses he left.

At first you had been sad, cried for a couple of days and didn't wanted to go out with your friends or even go to school but it only took you one party that your friends practically dragged you to, that day something switch inside you when you saw him making out with three different pogues during the night. You saw red, every fiber of your body screaming at you to do something stupid and so you did when you decided to sleep with his best friend that night in the same house he stayed in since he stopped sleeping at yours.

John B was a cute and nice guy so even if he wasn't exactly your type he didn't give you the worst night ever. Sadly other than making you feel good it only made you sadder and angrier when the next morning nothing happened, no fight, not even a glare and that only meant JJ had never mentioned you. You had talked about him to all your closest friends and even your mom when you thought things were getting serious but he had never even mentioned your name to his best friend.

Now all you had left to do was to stay alone in your house on a Sunday night with all this frustration pacing around your room thinking about a thousand ways to make his life miserable when you heard a loud noise coming from your front yard making you stop abruptly. Then another… then you could hear some glass breaking and you could only look around your room for something to defend yourself and your phone to call 911.

But nothing could have prepared you for what you saw when you opened the curtains of your window. JJ fucking Maybank was breaking your greenhouse with a baseball bat like he had just seen a ghost inside or something. The blood on your veins was boiling the second you saw him again, there was no rational thought inside your head when you took your own baseball bat from under your bed and stormed into the greenhouse.

“What the fuck do you think you're doing?” your harsh tone seemed to surprise him for just a second but he recovered just as quickly.

“What does it look like i'm doing?” he asked, standing straight and prideful in front of you as if he had just won some prize instead of vandalizing your home.

You didn't back up either, actually took a couple of steps closer to him and without giving yourself the chance to think about it twice you slapped him, hard, with all the pent-up rage you had been caring all this time apart. The sting in your hand almost made you regret it but you told yourself it was the least he deserved.

He held his cheek and you were expecting him to give you one of his cynical smirks but instead in his eyes there was just anger and a sadness she couldn't understand. “Why John B?” he asked as if just thinking about it made him want to go back to the chateau and break all his best friend's teeth.

“And why not?” you weren't showing any sign of remorse even if deep down a tiny part of you actually felt bad about it, still you felt that you had the right to do worse after what he had done to you. Sleeping with his best friend seemed only fair.

“He’s my best friend!” He slammed the baseball bat against one of the glass walls but without missing a beat you did the same with another one leaving him stunned for a moment.

“Like you care!” your normally non existent patience was specially thin today. “and it’s not like he even knew about me anyway!”

His face fell, guilt washing over him. “Don’t give me that shit again” he tried to look unfazed.

“Am I the one giving shit?” she scoffed, flipping her hair before loudly breaking another glass wall out of frustration “You came all the way here to destroy my house and for what? A hurt ego? You are a fucking child JJ”

“What are you doing? Stop that!” he took your wrists, making you drop your baseball bat. “I did this thinking you were gonna hate me! Never thought you were going to join me”

He looked embarrassed and slightly amused by your little outburst “Why would you want me to hate you?”

At first you didn't believe anything he said but slowly realization hit you, after all he had told you about his father and the childhood he had, he didn't go into much detail but he repeated some of his old man's words and you remembered one that specifically enraged you. You remember that day, JJ having to hold you down on your bed distracting you from going to his house to get Luke's ass.

He always told him he was trash. Always not only told him but showed him with his own actions that he was unworthy of love, so much and so many times he ended up believing it. But you knew the truth, just because his dad was incapable of loving someone that didn't mean he was unworthy of love. You knew because you loved him.

That's why he left when he felt things between you were starting to get serious, and that made you want to both hit and kiss him.

For the moment you choose the first one pushing him by his chest “You’re an asshole!” you hit him again and again until he held your wrists again, your eyes locked and even though he was trying to look ice cold his eyes had always betrayed him. “and I love you…”

JJ was frozen for what it felt like forever. “You have no idea what are you talking about”

“I'm perfectly capable of knowing what I feel!”

“No you don't!” his sudden snap made you take a step back but your eyes never leave his. “You’re just confused! You love all this kook-pogue thing, all you want me to do is to be your little doll that you can fix and show around!”

“That is not true!” what he was saying didn't make sense, because he knew you and you knew him enough to see it in his eyes. “and the worst part is that you know it, you know I really love you”

“Please stop” he was pulling his hair and pacing around trying to deny their feelings for each other but it was useless.

“JJ look at me” you tried to make him stop, to look at you in the eyes but hi turn his back on you, his breath was uneven and he had stop pacing but his right foot was still tapping against the floor.

You walked around him until he was actually looking at you, he looked like he wanted to cry but was too stubborn to do it in a moment like that trying to hold on to whatever ounce of pride he still had left. However all of it fell apart when you pulled him down by his neck to kiss him.

There was no resistance, his hands went to your waist like muscle memory, he pushed you against one of the few glasses that were still untouched by you both. His tongue find its way into your mouth and you could've sworn it had been months since you last felt him like this even if it only had been a couple of days.But the truth is that since the first time you spent the night together there was no way back and nothing, not even yourselfs was going to be able to tear your love apart.

“I love you too…” even if deep down you knew it, hearing it in his own words was what your heart needed to melt completely around him.

NO WAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY LIFE'S WORTH LIVING AGAIN

Sophie Baek and Benedict Bridgerton at the Masquerade Ball

(Mine. Plz credit)

I like that “morning baby” kinda relationship. The no games, great communication, lots of sex, lots of kissing, lots of cuddling, lots of flirting, lots of being goofy kind of relationship. That makes you want to run 100 miles, read books, clean up your bad habits kind of love.

how is this man always in his prime?!?!?