An Annual Tradition 🎆

holy coke :3

When writing couples, I like to use the Kiss Rule:

If they have to kiss for you to know they’re in love, you’re not writing a romance right.

Proud of my city.

Neil Gaiman explains Freyja's chariot

Krys Boyd: Where do you think the Norsemen came up with cats pulling a chariot?

Neil Gaiman: I think that it's a gloriously godlike attribute, isn't it? I mean, anybody who's tried to get two or three cats to do anything at the same time will know that getting cats to pull a chariot...you'd have to be a god to make it work.

Your Fantasy Story is Bothering Me Part II

Part I

I’m back with more complaints about fantasy:

Huzzah! I Have Outwitted The Entire Royal Court!

The Midlands, The West Islands, The Dark Lake

The Council of Elrond

Let’s Paint Our Faces Bright Orange to Find One Another

Hello My Name is Dq’eobh’mt

The Misinformed Feminist Preacher

The Broken Queen

Sing to the Goddess of the Earth!

Let’s All Listen to this Stranger and Finally Revolt

Read More

Flower shop AU

Person A owns a flower shop and person B comes storming in one day, slaps 20 bucks on the counter and says “How do I passive-aggressively say fuck you in flower?”

Step 1: Where Do They Come From?

Find a general biome that fits what you envision for this culture. If appropriate, make up your own. You want to focus on how plentiful the water is and where it is, what food sources there are, and what natural resources (wood, iron, reeds, etc.) are available. You’ll also want to look into natural structures like caves or cliffs, and common weather phenomenon like hurricanes or droughts.

If you’re writing a premodern culture with few outside influences, you could stop here, since location pretty much gives you everything you could want. The local vegetation and weather patterns will dictate how they build houses. The natural phenomenon will be explained by religion. The availability of water and food/arable soil/animals that could be domesticated will determine if they are nomadic or not. Their natural resources will determine how quickly technology progresses.

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You have already left kudos here. :)

YES FUCK YOU, I LIKE THIS CHAPTER TOO!!! (via carmillasleatherpants)

for your own peace of mind, maybe dont pay too close attention to the lyrics of some christmas songs.

this is the christmas card im sending out. steve didnt know what text i was gonna put behind it when he drew the picture.

(You can get this on redbubble!)

and it turns out that clint, who has been humming christmas carols for weeks now, doesnt actually know any of the real lyrics, and has just been making them up as he goes along. this is his latest masterpiece:

Winter Soldier’s Gunnin’ You Down (To the tune of Santa Claus is Coming to Town)

You better watch out, you better not cry

You’ll probably bleed out, I’m tellin’ you why

Winter Soldier’s gunnin’ you down

He’s got a hit list, he’s starting a fight

He’s clenching his fist, it’s shiny and bright

Winter Soldier’s gunnin’ you down!

He sees you when you’re sleeping

He knows when you’re awake

His aim is really fucking good and he’s gonna assassinate

You better watch out, you better not cry

You’ll probably bleed out, I’m tellin’ you why

Winter Soldier’s gunnin’ you down

He’s yanking out wheels and firing guns

If you were smart you’d probably run

Winter Soldier’s gunning you down!

Winter Soldier’s gunning you down!

Hey, I'm writing a fight scene at a fancy restaurant. If my character had a choice of weapon between grabbing a fork or a butter knife (rounded point), which should they choose?

The fork.

It has pointy ends and it’s better for stabbing.

However, in a fight scene at a restaurant, it’s worth remembering all the other available pieces that will allow a character to smoothly transition between weapons. Most of the time, thought stops at the cutlery but a restaurant is full of makeshift weapons that will aid the characters in their fight if they’re clever enough to see them.

Plates.

Heavy duty, ceramic plates are good for bashing, throwing if necessary. It’s usually a stage gag, but it works really well.

Wine. Water. Coffee.

Hot soup also works. Grab it off the table, throw it in their eyes to blind them to create opportunity for an attack.

Wine Bottles

If left at the table, the solid glass of the wine bottle can be useful for hitting. It’s not as heavy duty as a Jack Daniel’s bottle, but it’ll get the job done. This is even more true if the wine bottle has not yet been uncorked and is still full. Then, it functions as a makeshift club holding up against a great deal more abuse than an empty wine bottle which will break apart in your hands.

Chairs.

When dealing with multiple opponents, but if they’re light enough to be picked up and wielded then the chair’s legs can be used to deflect attackers and maintain distance while backing toward an exit.

If they are sitting at the table, a good basic combination would be:

-grab wine glass, throw wine into attackers face

-grab hold of their wrist, take fork, stab hand

-pick up plate, smash plate into face

-if it survives then possibly edge into throat or sharpened edge of now broken ceramic.

-exit hastily if enemy is no longer capable of fighting to avoid confrontation with local law enforcement.

Restaurants really are full of weapons, plenty of weapons, including many objects that the average person won’t regard as a weapon. You just have to sit down, adjust your perspective, think about it, and start getting creative.

This is all just in the main dining area, long before we move to even better areas like the food preparation and the kitchen. Remember, a lit cigarette can be a weapon. It’s all about how you think and how rough you’re willing to get.

The Ambush vs. The Preparation

Another thing to consider is whether or not this scene is planned out in advance by the characters rather than it being spur of the moment (such as them being ambushed or suddenly decide to attack). A character who is preparing to make their move can set themselves up with better options than a character who has to hit the “go!” button.

They can:

If there is a bar, they might order hot alcohol like a hot tottie which is a hot mixture of water, lemon juice, whiskey, and honey. The alcohol will burn when thrown into the face, the honey (or any kind of sugar) will ensure it sticks thus prolonging the burning. This is surprising thick for a beverage. Excellent for creating openings or tying up one attacker while moving in on their friend. (This is not an approach for kindly characters.)

Order any kind of red meat or food type that will ensure they have a steak knife. They may have come without weapons or been forced to leave their weapons at the door, but they can have some of them back with clever dinner pick.

-Michi

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