Homicipher's Not Just An Otome Game???

All I feel is emptiness

I’m gonna keep replaying the scene between connie and samuel until I got no more tears left to cry cuz why not 

Lil mustache

RANT RANT RANT!!!!

New episode(ep 33) of Valdemar route wasn't loading at all!!! so I kept closing and opening the app then I reinstalled it as a last resort!!! But!!! my!!!! account!!! lost!!! all!!! data!!!

hearts that i collected from logging in daily so i could donate it to Ronelle!!! GONE!!!

the new Valdemar episode that I wanted to play!!! LOCKED!!!

ok so while writing this I checked my account again and thought REALLY HARD cuz when you have an account your data is saved automatically.....but mine's gone....so it's possible that I didn't log in at all in the first place?

was about to blame it all on dorian but nvm

LMAOOOO 

Me, first time listening to “Six” just vibin to the beat

Me, after looking up the lyrics then hearing it again: 

When your hyperfixation is so specific you can only squeal in excitement internally when all you want to do is talk about it to someone who's a fan too (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠)

Ash & Eiji’s Mysterious History Of Love Affairs With Women

Could it be that they are virgins!?

Whenever the main characters of a manga are two boys around their age, it’s common for a lady to get involved. However, in BANANA FISH, no woman gets involved with any of the main characters. Far from it — there are very few female characters and they all have perfectly minor roles. Because of that, there might be worries that all of the characters would get frustrated.

So, I became intrigued by Ash and Eiji’s love affairs with women up until now and decided to analyze them.

Firstly, Ash. He doesn’t seem to be gay but he’s been attacked by perverted old men countless times. That being said, Ash was never the one to lead them on (although he did seduce men during his operation), and there were no scenes of him calling out to a woman either. There was only one time when he talked about girls with Eiji, while drinking beer on a Halloween night. To Eiji’s “you were popular with women, weren’t you?” (why did he use the past tense?), Ash nonchalantly replied with a “yeah, sort of”. As there are plenty of women who want to be the boss’ lady, he could pick and choose whoever he wanted if he felt like it. But Ash coolly stated that “he would refuse those unsightly women even if asked”. From his words, it can be understood that not only old men, but also many women had approached and made a pass at him. He may have been raped or attacked by an older woman.

Actually, when he was 14, he maintained a sexual relationship with a 42-year-old female tutor in Golzine’s mansion. The tutor justified her actions by claiming that “Ash was the one who seduced her” and was dismissed by Golzine. Based on these facts, it can be be inferred that Ash has at least some experience with women. Whether he had sex out of his own volition and desire apart, it’s unthinkable that he might be a virgin. If the women who approached him in his early teens were lining up, Ash would surely get wobbly. Since he “could pick and choose whoever he wanted if he felt like it”, there must’ve been nights when he was into it after all.

But during this same Halloween night, he told Eiji another part of his past — a very sad one. At 14, Ash came to really like this one girl, but, as she was mistaken for Ash’s woman, she ended up getting killed. Chances are that Ash had never even kissed her. Ever since this incident, he absolutely stopped himself from falling in love or dating anyone else. Being in his position, the likelihood of exposing anyone he came to love to danger was huge; alternatively, situations in which he thought he was loved but realized that the other party was actually expecting something in return happened quite a few times. Because of that, it seems that Ash ended up having a tendency to be unsuitable for love. Considering the situation, Eiji was surely the only one truly special to Ash.

Meanwhile, this very Eiji is strongly suspected of being a virgin. Eiji was a high school student in the countryside of Izumo city¹, Shimane prefecture. Besides, he spent all of his time practicing, day after day, as a serious member of the track and field club. Even though it wasn’t mentioned whether it was an all-boys high school, there were absolutely no girls in the school scenes, nor in the pictures taken by Ibe. There were only boys around. Since he had a cute face and was a promising high jump athlete, Eiji undoubtedly had some fangirls; but he was the sort of high school student who really had no interest in such things.

After graduating from high school, Eiji went on to university with a sports recommendation. Eiji seems to have actively joined the track and field club — this also left no time for him to enjoy mixers with college girls. On top of that, he got injured soon after joining and ended up slipping into a slump. In such cases, people would commonly become desperate and visit soaplands or hang around a woman’s place, but Eiji isn’t much of a dexterous type when dealing with his problems. He was in such an indecisive state that Ibe forcibly took him along to the US under the pretext of being a camera assistant. Then, he ended up meeting Ash before he could have some fun with blonde ladies in America — and the rest is history. He has been violated by Golzine, but he has never been approached by a woman.

In addition, as an evidence that backs up the “Virgin Eiji Theory”, there’s one remark from his Halloween night chat with Ash: after being asked whether he had a girlfriend back in Japan, Eiji faltered — he knew that by “girlfriend”, Ash meant “a sexual relationship”. Flustered, he answered “well, if it’s just a friend......” in an attempt to dodge the question. Because he was uncharacteristically jumpy, whether they were really “just friends” seemed quite dubious.

Ash has kissed Eiji once, it happened during the time he was in jail and tried to pass a capsule with a message on to Eiji. (It’s their only direct love scene.) As he watched them, Ibe got worried that it might’ve been Eiji’s first kiss — his guess was probably right on the money. Even if Eiji had ever kissed someone in Japan, it certainly wouldn’t have been voluntary — maybe it was forced onto him by an assertive senior, or someone could’ve stolen a kiss while he was drunk. Far from losing his virginity, Eiji has never even experienced a proper kiss.

However, as Eiji was still in his teens, it was still alright. So how about after Ash’s death? Set sever years later, “Garden of Light” introduces a 28-year-old Eiji. Just as ever, there doesn’t seem to be any woman around; he might still be a virgin, no changes here either. It’s pretty concerning as it feels like he’s remained faithful to Ash.

NOTES:

1. Izumo looks like a very countrysideish city, so dating around doesn’t seem to be as common as it would be in big cities like Tokyo. I guess being from a smaller place made it already hard for Eiji to have had any relationships... It wouldn’t be surprising for him to have barely even talked about those things — considering his devotion to sports. Ash being so used to such subjects (not because he chose to, but still) really widens the gap between the lives they’ve led. I’ve touched upon this before but y’know, I can never stop talking about those two :’)

Hange asmr

I've only been listening to Japanese Hange asmrs(which wasn't even alot cuz only 1 youtuber made Hange asmr and it was only 3 videos and there wasn't even a Hange x listener) which made me miss out on the AMAZING English Hange x listener asmrs and yesterday I tried listening to one AND now I'm listening to another asmr and I regretted ignoring them before in my yt recommends now I love it and I love Hange and I wish they were real have I mentioned I love them-

Why lessons on reproductive system should be taken seriously:

1. It provides foundation knowledge on understanding sex, sexuality, reproduction, and all that good stuff

2. So that when you want to joke about the hair of Mrs. Everglott in the Corpse Bride looking like an upside down ballsack, you will lessen the chance of mistakingly calling it a testicle instead of scrotum, because testicle is the thing located INSIDE the scrotum that looks like an egg, in which then when you realized your mistake, results in you overthinking it for the rest of the day, wanting to turn back time and call it the proper term this time, prevent the misinformation that testicle is the ballsack and the fact that you didn’t use the right grammatical number because testicle is singular it should be TESTES or TESTIS at least. 

My thoughts on why Ash didn’t get help after he was stabbed (TW: mentions of unaliving self, seggsual abuse)

I think Ash had wanted to die for a very long time, although there’s no indication that Ash has self-harmed(I only watched the anime) whenever his loved ones is put in danger, he doesn’t hesitate to sacrifice himself, and I think one of the reasons for that(besides him caring deeply for them) is he is suicidal, cuz ever since he was a child, he was sexually abused and taken advantage of by sick perverted men. 

Spending time with Eiji did give him comfort and but his whole life he was abused, manipulated and raped, over and over, I’m no therapist but I’m pretty sure Ash isn’t mentally stable after going through all of that, and I think it takes more than a caring, loving and selfless person to heal Ash’s wounds. (I’m not saying Eiji didn’t change Ash’s life, Ash loved Eiji for sure) Eiji did give him hope in living so I think that’s why Ash rushed to the airport when he saw the ticket, in that moment, he did want to spend his life with Eiji. 

Sadly, he was stabbed, and I think that triggered Ash’s suicidal thoughts, cuz come on, that stab wound was treatable. Ash survived a gunshot wound before, stab wound is no big deal for him. My theory is while he was running, he was imagining the life he could have with Eiji in Japan, but *STAB*   

He was brought back to reality, and he was reminded of the countless people he’s killed and that died for him. He’s being chased by police, gangs, criminals, and Lao is only one of them, What if those people would chase him even when he’s in Japan with Eiji? Will they easily give up just because he’s travelled to another country? What if his friends he’ll leave behind get hurt and held hostage by the gangs, then demand Ash to return? Will he be able to move on and start a brand new life with Eiji in Japan happily? 

Bleeding, he finally decided to give in to his suicidal thoughts. He chose to not get help and bleed to death. 

ok here’s why I think suicidal thoughts is what drove him to do that. First of all, he could’ve gotten some help and STAY, Eiji wasn’t forcing him to live with him, Ash could’ve be like, “Yeah, I can’t live with you, but you can come visit me from time to time, ok? love you” that way he protects his gang friends, and Eiji is in a safe country so no need to worry for him. 

Ash was an insecure, suicidal, traumatized poor boy.

So yeah, this is my theory, and I don’t blame anyone for the outcome of the story no matter how sad it is, because they all had their reasons.