Always End Up Back Here When I Need To Feel Something

Does anybody get in that mood where if you don’t absolutely destroy your life in the next 5 minutes you’ll spontaneously combust

and when all the distractions dont work anymore and its the end of the day, i’m left with just myself and the want for it all to please just fucking stop.

Doesn't matter how much effort I put in, right? It's hard to love me.

Theres nothing more disturbing than being self aware while you have severe mental illness. Like I’ll be breaking down, bleeding out, about to off myself and then remember that normal people don’t do this shit and any sane person would go to the damn hospital.

The second I feel slightly better I'm like: "you never felt bad in the first place you're all faking it for attention, fuck you fake ass emo"

And then I feel stupid 🧍

Bpd is not being able to love yourself unless someone else loves you, but never fully believing that they could actually love someone like you.

I am a masterpiece of contradictions: too much and not enough, fragile and fierce, desperate for love but terrified of it

Does anyone else just randomly feel like they're annoying everyone around them and that they should just disappear for a while to give everyone else a break from their existence, or is that just me?

One minute you’re recovering so well, feeling like life is worth living and you are worth loving. The next you are alone again, feeling 13 years old and harming yourself, reminded of why no one could ever like you in the first place. I fear I will always return back to that person…

omg maybe life is worth living [i had a decent day] —> i cannot be saved [the slightest inconvenience occurs] —> i am a fucking god and everyone loves me [someone laughed at my joke] —> i am going to kill myself [i feel a little bit unwanted because of someone’s reaction]

and this shit just goes on and on and NEVER stops