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Ok so I have a slightly weird question

I while back I remember you made a dsmp cursed lore masterlist and it was the best thing I've ever seen but I can't find it anymore? Would you happen to have it somewhere?

not weird at all! now... admittedly, I can’t find the post again myself BUT I sure as hell still have the original notes, so I’m just gonna copy paste it all here. It’s been updated since I first posted it even ❤️

canon things in dsmp:

- mpreg (x4) (tubbo, quackity, hbomb, ponk)

- quackity’s only had canon sex to our knowledge on purpled’s builds (the ufo and walmart parking lot)

- skeppy can’t read

- phil fucked a fridge

- wilbur fucked a salmon

- quackity gave birth to el rapids and schlatt is the father

- wilbur spent a month straight in the afterlife talking about hemorrhoids

- wilbur spent 9 years in the afterlife playing competitive solitaire

- fundy has three different birth stories, including: biological son of wilbur and a salmon, born asexually via wilbur’s toe, and died and was reborn like a pheonix as wilbur’s son

- God came down to build george a mcdonalds

- dream’s canonically a stripper

- sam and punz are also canonically strippers and have both given bad a lapdance

- karl and quackity constantly hit on badboyhalo, who is their fiance’s father

- related, quackity took bad on a fake date to practice for a real date

- dead wilbur has a fat ass from working out

- sapnap had a drug addiction and was called “cracknap” for a bit

- tubbo and ranboo married each other for tax exemption, when the tax never even applied to either of them to begin with

- sally the salmon was an accountant and her favorite color was brown

- it’s implied wilbur vored sally

- ranboo has no eyelids

- connor is the son of sonic the hedgehog and elise, from sonic 06

- gapples are a gateway drug and tubbo overdosed on them once

- jack and niki tried to assassinate someone with a nuke and missed

- bad is 9’6, skeppy is 2’2, ranboo is 8’5, puffy is 6’9, antfrost is 20’, and foolish is 23’3. dream, conversely, has no canon height

- eret was at one point involved in the karlnapity polycule

- the afterlife partially exists in the real living world that still-living people can stumble into, and it is a shitty gym that only has weights and doesn’t allow cardio

- schlatt, after dying, became a landlord/gym owner

- twitter and skype are canon

- eret has a nokia brick phone that somehow supports skype and can only hang up by throwing it into water

- techno has pet fish called betty. he doesn’t know why it’s called betty but just assumed it was lore important and kept it

- bad likes to steal blocks from ppl and store them in his enderchest

- quackity and puffy are both therapists

- muffin is canonically a slur

- “lemonberg” is a slur specifically in lmanberg

- the existence of dream, mexican dream, girl dream, and dreamXD where all are separate entities and mexican dream and girl dream dated before dream killed mexican dream

- schlatt was openly jerking off in the afterlife, likely in front of the other two dead people

- c!fundy is trans and c!punz has no canon gender and is referred to with both he and they pronouns

- the austin show, host of love or host, is canonically dead

- he’s also a literal cannon, apparently

- coconut2020 committed voter fraud

- there have been two different streams revolving around a character’s bath water. one of them is very lore important. in both of them someone drinks the bath water

- schlatt , wilbur, and fundy all smoke

- sam tried to steal foolish’s son

- charlie slimecicle got sent to space tied to a nuke (which has, sadly, seemingly been retconned)

- ghostbur and friend dated, but only in dutch. friend also is referred to with he/they pronouns

- puffy ended up adopting a child after a prank gone wrong

- bad and skeppy are literally soulmates, in that bad tied his soul to skeppy’s and he has infinite lives as long as skeppy is alive

- awesamdude also has a canonical fat ass

- quackity’s canonical fat ass is debated

- Schlatt’s last words were “flatty patty”, insulting quackity’s ass

- techno almost named his sword the coochie slayer bc he didn’t know what it meant

- fundy wore a suit colored in with crayons during the revolution. the reason it looked different from the others is because he didn’t have the expensive set with the right colors

- manhunts, smp earth, smp live, and mcm are all canon. the fundywastaken wedding is semi-canon, in that dream said it wasn’t but fundy said it was

- master oogway from kung fu panda is a major religious figure

- at one point, punz was turned into a chicken and had a baby

- the real spirit’s leather was used to make an item frame, the leather we see used as spirit is fake

- george and popular fortnite streamer ninja are married

- schlatt came to life once before, using his "matpat life", and died again

- schlatt’s body parts were sold at targay (gay target)

- jack once appointed himself king because no one else was on the server to stop him

- ghostbur has access to twitch.tv

- philza minecraft commits tax fraud

- karl’s real name is twitch.tv/karljacobs

- when techno isn’t streaming, he’s hibernating. phil sometimes pokes him with a stick to make sure he’s still alive

- tubbo is short for tuberculosis

- fundy learned how to astral project and walk on water and keeps finding new ways to fly

- foolish canonically spawned with a picture of buff dream

- trance music for racing game plays when dream thinks very hard on something

- fundy went to Australia to practice fire magic and hunt giant spiders, as well as going to Paris with wilbur when he was younger

- awesamdude got turned British by drinking tubbo’s bath water

- ranboo’s full name is ranboo my beloved

- ponk photosynthesizes

- The election was between “People Of Gaming” POG2020 and “Secretly We Are Gamers” SWAG2020

- puffy got her therapy degree from fiverr

- the warrior cats book series is confirmed to exist

- schlatt can’t swim

- awesamdude won miss America

- antfrost was high as shit the entire egg arc

THE BANANAS ARE GAY

THESE BANANAS

THE BANANAS IN PAJAMAS ARE GAY

BELATED HAPPY PRIDE MONTH EVERYONE

when you touch a Bad Texture™ and have to scrub at ur hands until the feeling is gone

a support group for vampires who were turned as children or adolescents. a bunch of small, melancholy kid-shaped vampires sitting around in somebody’s living room talking very seriously in tiny voices about current events in the vampire world. a lot of them dress like grandmas because they are as old as a grandma, maybe even ten grandmas. they have a network system where they can call adult-looking vampires to help them get things, drive places, pretend to be parents so child-looking vampires can get into adult movies 

just watched the peanuts movie and my heart is happy (^_^)

The legs are so lankey, why didn't anyone tell me their legs where so lankey?

Fly and Fall

Hey, look I posted something after who knows how long. This is just an angel au thing. Each angel is based on a species of bird and sometimes have stereotypes about them and how they interact, for example angels based on birds of prey are more likely to be violent to smaller ‘prey’ bird like finches

paring: Darkstache implied

TW: mentions of discrimination

Hawks where often seen as dangerous and should be avoided at all costs, especially by the smaller ‘prey’ angels. so when the canary Wilford Warfstache approached one, many would of called him crazy. The Hawk in question was a Northern goshawk with striped feathers which where clipped due o the law too prevent ‘predators’ from having too much power. He stood on the cliffs looking over the seas with a grumpy expression and a strong chin. His lips where in a thin line and his expression was unchanging as the pink haired angel made his descent down to talk with this handsome black haired man.

“Well hello, why such the miserable?” Wilford smiled pulling at his suspenders. The man lifted an eyebrow and looked the reporter over.

“Are you that idiot from the talk show? You seem quite brave for a songbird” he stated flatly.

“Awww, I’m flattered, yes I am Wilford Warfstache, the one and only” he smirked as he put his hands on his hips. The other man rolled his eyes “What is your name?”

“None of your business songbird” he hissed as he started to stalk away, Wilford started jogging after him with his wings tucked behind his back.

“Hey I’m calling you Darkie if you don’t tell me your name. Wait up!” Dark did not stop but instead sped up.”Oh come on!” he sighed as he also sped up to catch up with him. Dark whipped round and shot him a bone chilling look.

“Why do you follow me so persistently?! Do you not fear me? Do you not listen to stories how I could rip your pretty little head off? Or are you trying to mock me? A little songbird like you can still fly yet I can’t as I could cause ‘public distress’ according to the law, that’s why they clip our wings, to ground us, to deny us freedom of flight.” his wings were spread as if in an attempt to scare the other man off. The sea crashed against the cliff. The sky was clear and stars were slowly becoming visible and the moon was cold and bright.

Wilford scowled “I came down to talk to you, mocking is not my style, guns are, you seemed lonely down here and I thought my company would be appreciated, clearly not though” he put his hand back on his hips and swayed them as he talked leaning forwards towards this handsome man as he spoke.

“Well fly away then and leave me be you bothersome imbecile.” Dark turned away facing the edge of the cliff. 

“Well for that comment I’m gonna stay just to annoy you.” Wilford smirked wiggling his bubblegum pink mustache. Dark looks up at him and pushes him off the cliff in the hope to get rid of the other man, he knew he wouldn’t die, his instincts would kick in and he would start flying, what scared him is when Wilford pulled him with him, the mans wings couldn’t possibly carry the both of them. The gray sea crashing on the rocks below drew closer and closer as the two plummet down. Wilford had wrapped his arms round him holding him so close to his chest that he could hear the others heart pumping with adrenaline as he flapped his wings as hard and fast as he could to try and slow their descent. 

“stretch out your wings and help me” he shouted over the wind howling past their ears. Dark shot out his bent wings and tried to copy Wilford’s wing beats. They slowly rised and started gliding. Dark felt the wind pass through his wings and he closed his eyes and reveled in the sensation he thought he may never of been able to enjoy. The night’s air was cold against his head and the smell of salt off the sea filled his nose along with the bubblegum smell of the man who was holding him.

He opens his eyes and sees the grey waves below change to the grassy cliffs as Wilford steers them to land. As they landed Dark let go of a breath he did not know he was holding. Then he realized Wilford had not let go of him. He broke away and looked the man over, muttering an apology. 

With that Dark walked away, leaving Wilford alone.

We had ' robin flew away, hey!'

“Jingle bells batman smells robin lays an egg”… the rest of this memory is too ancient to read.

Wait, velmas 15?

Pirate Cleooooooo