MY DEAREST L…

Once again, I can't seem to sleep.....

MY DEAREST L…

time has stopped in a way that the world is numb to the land that understands the movements of the earth under our feet in the sun-heated grass, the river shines to the blue skies of the sweet smelling due drops of the morning kissed silk.

My Dearest L...

The past few days have not felt real to me I've been feeling as if my world around me is nothing but a dream-like nothing is what it seems, I've been sticking into a dark place again but I seem to be slowly crawling out of my hole. I'm starting to snap back to reality, I started watching downtown abbey it seems to be trading right now so I thought I'd give it a try idk how I really feel about it yet, I'll have an updated post about it but for now, I'll just use it to distract myself from the world around me bec if I don't have anything to keep my mind busy that's when I start to over think and things tend to become bad for me. My OCD seems to be getting worse I'm starting to count things now like I have to run my fingers throw my curtains 4-6 times before I open or close the door or after I wash my hands I have to flick the water off my hands 4-6 times before I dry them.

MY DEAREST L…

Hello, it's been a while and a few things have changed since we last spoke. I've decided to quit smoking for one. I'm not to sure how long it will last this time but I'm going to try my best to stop.

i know that your coming over this week. just hope that you can handle me being cranky hahah. but anyways i've just been chilling out. oh! yeah i've noticed that i can breath better actually now that i stopped smoking. i was short of breath all the time before but now i seem to be getting better.

a craving is hitting right now. i'm trying to just ignore it and wright throw the craving. anyways talk to you tomorrow.

My Dearest L...

I know. I know it's been a long time since I posted prob only been about a week or two but for me, it feels like years. I just wanted to clear my head and come on here and vent some shit out. you ever just sit in your room at night in the dark. FYI that is NOT what I am doing right now I am on my computer in the dark in my room XD but that is not what I'm trying to get at. now do you ever just sit there and think YES ENTHEO EVERYONE THINKS" thank's inner voice, anyways you're just thinking, and then that one thought comes into your head "I'm going to get arrested!!" did I do anything wrong no! did I steal anything NO! okay now though you may leave. but does it no... then you start thinking even more and you like back when I was 5 I stole gum that was like 50c now I'm going to damn jail and I'm never going to have a family or kids MY LIFE IS OOOVVVEEERR!!!!.... then you snap back to reality and you just are like what was I thinking about again...

My Dearest L...

Have you ever felt as if time wasn’t real? Sometimes I wish I knew why I was put on this earth at this point. Was there ever a real reason why I am here. Bec I would like to know why I have had to go through so much fucking pain in my life. Was there ever a reason for every time I have broken my heart and cried myself to sleep every night for weeks at a time...

Man do I have a story to tell you guys 🫣 I'll be working on it tonight, it should be posted soon.

My Dearest L...

I honestly have felt for years now like I’m not moving forward in my life I feel stuck in a pit that I can’t get out of, to make it even worse I’ve been wronged by so many people in my life that I feel like my heart doesn’t even know how to feel or be in love again. I mean it’s not like the opportunity hasn’t come up but even when it does I talk to the person for a max of a week or two weeks if there lucky. Then it’s almost as if it just doesn’t mean anything anymore... is it even possible for someone to be so broken that they can’t love anymore????

My Dearest L...

Man, do I have stuff to catch you up on!! There has been so much happening lately.

I'll be posting ALOT soon so make sure you keep up 🖤