The Rain, It Falls As If It's Lifeless. So Beautiful, So Soft, So Loved...

My Dearest L...

Will i ever find the one that will make me happy to be alive??

My Dearest L...

Today, was a easy day so far. i got to go to the store today. it was not what i ecxpected, it was pretty boring....

I may think of you softly from time to time, but I swear I'll cut my hands off if they ever reach out for you again.

“How amazing is it to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head.”

— Nina LaCour

My Dearest L…

Sometimes i wonder what i bring to the table, will it be enough for the ones i love. you know i’ve been alone i have truly forgot what love even feels like, it’s just a weird night tonight. why did my ex text me? why have people from my past all been talking to me after a year they have been super quite. i don’t inderstand it...... oh!! 

P.S. Goodnight<3 i’ll type more tomorrow 

MY DEAREST L…

Get this last night around 5:45am I came home from a little meeting with L and we had some rough head on my part... it was really eye opening but it turns out it's all fun and games till someone almost dies, yes that's right I legit almost died this morning when I came home. so what happened is that I irritated my throat and when I went to eat a donut it was too dry and didn't go down but then I thought that I couldn't swallow so I stressed and my throat LEGIT fully closed up on me and I couldn't swallow at all!!! it was so scary I thought I was going to die... I rushed to the ER on my sleeping pill yeah I had that in my system they thought I had a bad trip on weed. can we just talk about how stupid doctors kinda are, like come on do you really think that I'd be here right now if I thought that it was only a bad trip? LIKE HELLO!!!! I can't fucking swallow bitch, she looked at me and said can you breathe? and I was like yeah I can then she followed up with okay like I take your vitals so she check my oxygen and my heart rate and my blood pressure, then came back and said that I'm fine I just must have swallowed something down the wrong hole and that's why it feels like something it stuck there, then she opened the door and sent me on my way... grate job now what am I supposed to do if I go home and I can't swallow again? then she said to call 911. well, that way my day. how was yours?

My Dearest L...

Am I ever going to truly find my way in this world? or am I just another robot going with the flow of life, when am I actually going to start living? will my life ever truly get better? I'm going to share a dream of mine with you. I dream of the day that I'll live in a mini hut in the forest away from all people and the city, I just want to live off-grid with nothing but you and my little hut and are cute little morning fires to warm are tea and are coffee and the river to wash our clothes than to sit together and watch the sunset together.

MY DEAREST L…

time has stopped in a way that the world is numb to the land that understands the movements of the earth under our feet in the sun-heated grass, the river shines to the blue skies of the sweet smelling due drops of the morning kissed silk.

My Dearest L...

I woke up today at 4 pm and I didn’t feel sad for once I just feel what I think is “happiness” It such I weird feeling to me but I wonder if this year will be my year to finally spread my wings and fly. I might go on a walk tomorrow it’s supposed to be a nice day out tomorrow so I might as well enjoy some fresh air. I think I’m going to open my window after have it closed for 8 months now...:)

My Dearest L...

So I had this really weird ss dream last night, I was in the Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit movie, of course, I was Gromit cuz who else would I be... but I was in the movie, and instead of catching rabbits and vacuuming them up I found Wallace in the back garden room with the were-rabbit and he was feeding GOD DAMN GIRLS TO HIM like WTFFFF I then proceeded to roll my eyes and walk away from him thinking to myself that the rabbit is only going to grow up with a bad temper cuz he was only eating girls like where were the guys in this. did Wallace not feed him guys cuz he didn't want the rabbit to one day turn on him or was it bec the rabbit was sexist??? well that's a question only the people that make my insane wild dreams would know XDD 

If you would like me to type out my dreams more on my blog let me know cuz I have some really crazy fucked up ones. just repost and like this post to let me know if you are interested :)