My Dearest L…

My Dearest L...

It’s 5 am and I can find a way to fall asleep tonight. I’m supposed to take my sleeping pills, but they don’t seem to be working. How can I depend on these pills to drive me into a slumber now when 12 months about I could sleep on my own how did I get to this point???

“How amazing is it to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head.”

— Nina LaCour

MY DEAREST L…

So last night I was laying with L in bed after we shared an intimate night together moments before and I felt discussed with myself, is this normal to feel that way? but like things got a little messy when we were having our moment together and I have OCD maybe it was just my OCD bec after that I had to shower and clean myself, I then got out of the shower and my manic episode started I had to clean my room and I had to move around I also when feeling so many emotions at once I'm not sure if that had anything to do with it. but I was just weird that those feelings came up the way they did but I've felt it before. when I was hooking up with people but I'm not doing that as much anymore bec I don't want to do that with him, so I stopped doing it except for the rare moments when I do but it's so rare now, what I was getting at is that when I was done doing it and I came home from them I would have to shower bec I felt so nasty and gross and I felt that way last night so that's why I'm asking is it normal to feel that way sometimes when I'm with him? it's the first time I've ever felt that way with him. I honestly do think it was just my OCD and that I wasn't taking my meds right I was a bit not sleeping and not doing what I'm supposed to on them and do I like tell him about this or do I keep it to myself? like is there a limit to what you are supposed to talk about with your other half? or are you supposed to be fully transparent with them? I would really like some feedback on this post bec I honestly don't know what to think about it...

My Dearest L...

Today, was a easy day so far. i got to go to the store today. it was not what i ecxpected, it was pretty boring....

I'll be starting to post again soon !! Love you all.🖤🖤

Ever just want to change your whole tumblr aesthetic but don't cuz it's so much work 😩😭😂

Dear, Elisa Lam...

I have watched and read your story over and over again and I am yet to believe that you did this to yourself, there is no way they can make it sound like you have done this to yourself. There were so many people in that hotel that could have done this to you. and the fact that none helped you in the hotel while you were in your bipolar ep. Makes me so angry, what did they say again when they said you were screaming in the lobby, oh yes that’s right! they said, “It’s just another day at the Cecil hotel”...

May you rest in peace now Elisa Lam....🖤⛓️

My Dearest L...

Well. Today is a boring day, nothing to do, nowhere to go. just a nether day in covid.... what a boring fucking day man..

My Dearest L...

Why do I feel like your going? but are you still with me...it’s like you have left me.

You used to be with me when I was 13 but then I got older and you slowly just ended you fading away from me. Times got too hard for you, I guess. Was that the case tho? for are you still here with me. Do you still live in the dark? when will you find the light again... and make me feel the same way you used to? will it ever come back or is it gone forever!!! I guess I’ll just have to wait.

My Dearest L...

Tonight is a weird night for me. I had a great night last night talking to texas till he went to bed, but still nothing from Mexico... I hope he's okay. back to what I was going to talk about. where do people go when we die? cause last night I was trying to fall asleep and as I was drifting off I thought to myself what if I have a heart attack tonight in my sleep. where would I go? would I just think I woke up in the morning and I just fell asleep or would it just start all over again from the begging? like a being FUCK YOU! try again... wait, one second!! what if when we fall asleep every night and die and when we wake up we come back to life but then there is that one night we drift off and don't wake up. and then billy in the corner will be like "well damn, he sure in hell hit that damn coffin hard" then the nurse will come over and say "billy get back to your room NOW!!" she's yelling because she's stressed about the dead body just laying on the bed. then billy will walk up to her and say "Debbie I'm already in my room" and of course Debbie will say some stupid shit like "fine just go for a shit then" and she'll storm out of the room stressed out and walk to the corner of the building outside and walk to her secret smoke stash under the birdhouse.

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

Unknown