What In The 1990s Is This

Weird peeve time. Calling lab grown gemstones “fake” is stupid because it’s the same shit just not formed naturally. An artificially grown diamond is the same shit as a natural diamond it is the exact same material bro it’s all fuckign carbon

I am once again calling for book rants. It was so much fun the last time, and I crave more.

Do you have a long standing grudge against a book you read in middle school? Have you gotten swept up by hype only to find that everyone lied to you and the book is trash? Do you burn with rage over the way an author portrayed your favorite mythology or folklore? Is there a book or series that you once loved, but now makes you cringe every time you think about it?

Do you want to vent all of it out to someone who won't judge you, or argue with you, but will simply accept all your feelings as their own?

Hi, that person is me. Send me an ask, anonymous or not, and tell me everything you've wanted to say. Offer me your anger, your frustration, your hatred. I will hold it for you. I will take it into my heart and make it my own.

It can be any genre you want, any demographic. I will accept it all. Even if James Patterson gets involved again. (I'm not scared of you, James!!)

all the “weird” content on tiktok feels so fabricated and performative. whereas on tumblr you’ll meet someone who will casually admit they eat paint

The Mists of Avalon, by Marion Zimmer Bradley, was recommended to me by one of my English teachers, who was also at one point my theater teacher. She said it was a feminist retelling of the myths involving Moran and King Arthur. So, I am so sorry to say that it is just…rubbish.

Okay, some of the cultural and fantasy elements are interesting. There is genuinely cool world building done tying everything together, whether that be Avalon itself or Camelot.

But...the characters.

Morgan, or Morgaine, at first acts as a blank slate of sorts. She's interested in the culture that surrounds her, and it's through her eyes that we get to learn about the world. That said, she takes a face-heel turn which is just...bizzare. It's like the plot is going "oh wait, we forgot to make Morgan EVIL so she does things people would consider EVIL" even though the plot doesn't necessarily demand it??? There's this one point where she basically goes "actually you know what doing incest with my brother is fine actually. I should have acted like a girlfriend to him after that and manipulated him to do my bidding" and. girl????? And it feels like the whole way the book is trying to justify it? Like, yeah in the original myth there's a sense of betrayal. But not like this?

And Gwen. Gwenhwyfar. Ohhhh my god. Her introduction is kinda neat, since it gives some perspective on how mentally ill women would have been treated back then. It quickly becomes annoying though. She's a religious fanatic. A Christian religious fanatic. Also she threatens to cheat on Arthur in order to bear a child. Also she's having an affair with Galahad. Gwen just...always has something to complain about. And it's not a good experience to read.

Arthur. Hmmm. He's portrayed as somewhat wishy-washy, constantly being pulled back and forth between the opinions of Gwen and Morgaine. Like...this is such a bad thing for a king to be. But he's honestly somewhat chill?

Plus there are just...so. many. unnecessary. sex. scenes. I would have given the author a bag of caramels for half of them to be fade to black moments.

The author is very clearly pro-pagan and anti-christian. I fall somewhat in line with that, not anti-christian but I can understand why someone would be. That said. The author kind of rubs the faults of christianity in the reader's face. Repeatedly. It's not subtle.

Overall, I have read a lot of retellings of different myths. This might just be my least favourite retelling of a myth ever.

Oh god The Mists of Avalon.....

I read this in middle school. It was a mistake. This book is so far up its own ass. I've read a lot of pretentious books, but this one nearly gets the top spot (nothing could beat out The Dream of Perpetual Motion or literally anything by Donna Tartt).

Morgaine becoming evil definitely felt like Bradley suddenly remembered that she was a villain in the legend and hastily shoved it in. She could have easily not made her evil, and just gone with the idea that history twisted the facts. That would have suited the character better, as well as playing into the "feminist" themes since history does often villianize women who don't deserve it.

And I put "feminist" in quotes because this book is like the definition of White Feminism.

Also, Marion Zimmer Bradley was a horrific person. Not joking or exaggerating here, she was pure evil. Epstein levels of evil. Humbert Humbert evil. Look it up if you want to, but be warned that it is genuinely awful and reading about it is pretty harrowing. There's a reason I chose those specific comparisons.

I read “Before I Fall” because for a high school class, and let me tell you- I have NEVER in all my life hated a narrator more. The book itself was fine, but the main character did not under any and all circumstances deserve any grace nor any moment with Kent (the potential guy in the story). She bothered me soooooooo much. Like there’s no way a girl who actively hates everything about her boyfriend would be willing to lose her virginity to him, especially if it’s something she’s guarded like Fort Knox. And when I say she hated everything about the boyfriend, there where pages (PLURAL) about how much she hated his clothing and his hair and the way he kissed her and how his lips were gross and yadayadayada. It was the literal worst!! Also, she’s like if a Walmart version of Regina (Means Girls reference for you youngins) had one single brain cell of a conscience. Oooooooh I was bothered. Kent was great. An absolute adorable specimen of human. Top tier book boyfriend material. But the main girl… we would’ve thrown hands in my high school.

Everything I have heard about this book has been negative. Like, how is dying in front of all your friends supposed to end bullying?? When I say I don't get it, I really mean that I do not fucking get it

Girl is signing up everyone in her life for a lifetime of intensive therapy and acting like that makes her a saint

Once there Were Wolves is NOT! ABOUT! WOLVES! OR THE ENVIRONMENT!

It’s extremely graphic and very sad! My fault for not reading the trigger warnings but still! The YouTubers and influencers lied to me and said it was a wholesome love story about rewilding scottland with wolves

‘TIS NOT! ‘TWAS BAD FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH I HAD TO STOP READING!

ALSO THE “LOVE STORY” is like oops i got her pregnant after a one night stand I guess I love you now?! So quick and not deep at all?

What??!! I've seen some people say that the title/synopsis was misleading, but they would never give specifics. I had no idea it was this bad.

I fucking hate when publishers try to trick people into reading a book! I don't get it. Like yeah, you'll get some sales you might not have otherwise. But those sales are probably from the wrong people. If they wouldn't buy the book if the synopsis/marketing were honest, what would make you think that they would actually enjoy the book once they figured out the truth??

I'm sorry this book affected your health, and I'm glad you were able to recognize it and stop reading before it got worse.

Thank you for letting me know. I was considering getting this, but now I won't.

I absolutely love Next Top Model. I have seen every episode of it so many times that I can't even think of a decent hyperbole here. It's an obsession. And I will rewatch it all many more times...except for ANTM Cycle 3.

I can't watch c3 again. I tried. I can't do it.

The way that Yaya, Toccara, and Kelle are treated is just so abhorrent and heartbreaking. It physically hurts me to watch it. Especially poor Kelle.

They took this gorgeous girl and broke her down to the point that she couldn't look at herself in the mirror without crying.

I will watch All Stars every day for the rest of my life before I watch c3 again.

Guess who's fucking sick again.

It's me. My immune system fucking hates me.

People do not owe you an explanation or justification of their existence. If you don't understand, do your research. Don't demand for someone to be your teacher and then go full bigot when they say no

It's boy band vs monsters tonight on The Robi Show

Final Fantasy XV tonight at 10:30 EST