If I Won't Get To Go On A Bookstore + Tea Date With My Homies This Autumn, What Even Is The Point.

w e d n e s d a y

♡ studying when you don't feel like it ♡

Today, I honestly didn't feel like studying. I felt disappointed in myself because the test results got announced and I feel like I failed myself.

However I'm choosing not to dwell on that feeling. I studied quite a bit today and I didn't let my emotions hold me back. I'm pms-ing hard af too. >_<

The thought was this: that all my life had been murk and depths, but I was not a part of that dark water. I was a creature within it.

- Madeline Miller, Circe

But in a solitary life, there are rare moments when another soul dips near yours, as stars once a year brush the earth. Such a constellation was he to me.

- Madeline Miller, Circe

'I can't. It's too risky,' I tell myself, as I back away from the wings that lay in front of me, the ones that I yearn for, hope for. Live for. Those wings.

'I'm so close,' I argue, 'I've always wanted this.' Those wings.

I can imagine Icarus smiling at the stars burning in my eyes.

'Come,' he would say, 'Fly.'

I smile, closing my eyes, keeping those stars going supernova to myself. And I walk away. Those wings.

'I am no Icarus.'

And there in the dark, he asks if it was really worth it.

Were the instants of joy worth the stretches of sorrow?

Were the moments of beauty worth the year of pain?

And she turns her head, and looks at him, and says,

'Always'.

-the invisible life of Addie LaRue by V.E Schwab

02.08.23

I studied for 6 hours today. It feels so good to study. I wish for academia to take over my life and consume me. I want to be a workaholic.

02.21.23

So, I found myself a study buddy and we're committing to a weekly schedule, rather than a daily one. It's much better on me mentally to have that. Also, I'm going through a lot right now. Ahh, I need to push through. I need to work hard.

A study buddy is important.

"The old gods may be great, but they are neither kind nor merciful. They are fickle, unsteady as moonlight on water, or shadows in a storm. If you insist on calling them, take heed: be careful what you ask for, be willing to pay the price. And no matter how desperate or dire, never pray to the gods that answer after dark."

- the invisible life of Addie LaRue by V.E Schwab

Everyone wants the stars. Everyone wishes to grasp that which exists out of reach. To hold the extraordinary in their hands and keep the remarkable in their pockets.

- Erin Morgenstern, The Starless Sea.

When Sylvia plath said, "why can't I try on different lives, like dresses, to see which fits best and is more becoming" ; and when Ocean Vuong said, "you would tell them that the most useful thing one can do with empty hands is hold on" jwjwuwjwwjwbbevevegehbe im gonna go overdose on chai now, bye.