I Feel Like This Doesn’t Even Need A Caption Lmao

are you looking for fresh new content? do you want to watch something fun and silly but also very cool and well-put together? do you relate to people that are just huge fucking dumbasses all the time?

then look no further than polygon’s cyberpunk red ttrpg series! it is so so good n’ entertaining, the characters are wonderful and the dm’ing is so clever, and if you give it views they might do more of it!! 

the rum tum tugger is a

terrible bore

nobody asked but here are my personal top five pat gill videos | a 2.1k word long post where i rank and review pat gill’s videos for just way too long.

Right around the tail end of April, 2020, I fell into the rabbit hole of my current obsession; Polygon Dot Com Video Content. As a consequence of this was being introduced to the phenomenon of Pat Gill. A dire consequence of that consequence was me slowly, deeply, irrevocably, finding myself attracted to this marionette of a man. So, I enjoy his content and I think he’s hot and that combined with the fact that some of my friends bully me over that latter fact has inspired me to do this: rank my personal favorite Pat Gill videos in a post that’s entirely too long.

Before I get straight into the rankings, I need to explain my process. 

First, I needed to narrow my scope. Polygon has a lot of videos. Polygon has a lot of videos with Pat Gill in them. If I didn’t narrow my scope, I would either go bonkers yonkers or have a list that would be kilometric in length and thus miss the entire point of ranking altogether. So, for my sanity, I am excluding any videos that are a part of a Polygon video series. This means no Overboard, no Gill and Gilbert, no Video Game Theatre, etc. If I included these, I would cry. I do not want to cry over Polygon Dot Com Video Producer Pat Gill.

Second, I need a criteria. If I just ranked videos with no system, I would find myself endlessly rearranging my list based on whatever thought comes out on top in my mind at the given moment. I am a disorganized person, so I need rules. I have decided that I will rank Pat Gill videos using the EEEH criteria. 

Entertainment. Do I smile, watching the video? Do I chortle? Am I filled with the embarrassing urge to show this video to my sister and derive glee from her laughing at the exact same moment I laughed? Entertainment is key.

Education. Did I come out of this video knowing something I originally did not know? More importantly, was I engaged in the learning process? I come from a family of teachers, so I have high standards when it comes to education. If I am to learn, I must learn well.

Exaltation. This is a bit of an oddball criteria, but it is important to me. The word “exalted” is defined as “elevated in rank, character, or status.” This criteria refers to how good it is at exalting, elevating, pulling me out of a depressive episode. That is to say I’ve been in a depressive episode for the past month and whether or not the video made me stop crying and brush my teeth is essential. Polygon video content has been integral to my serotonin production lately, and thus the video’s ability of acting as an audiovisual antidepressant for me factors into the rankings.

[BONUS POINTS] Hotness. How Hot Is Pat Gill In It? I felt bad, morally, ranking videos based on how good looking I thought Pat Gill was in it—because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and all that, and people don’t exist to be beautiful, they just are, and I agree—so I’m relegating this criteria as a bonus point. Standard is 0, because he’s always hot in my mind, but he gets plus points if he is exemplary in the hotness department.

The maximum score for each of these criteria is 5 points, making the perfect score a 15, but because of the bonus points, a 20 is, hypothetically, possible. 

With that out of the way, let me dive right into it. 

5. The fastest interview ever with Ben Schwartz from Sonic the Hedgehog

Entertainment: 5 Education: 2 Exaltation: 2 Hotness: +2 Total Score: 11

Pat Gill is a good interviewer, he’s engaging and fun and keeps the interview interesting, but this interview is particularly special because it seems that, and let me quote Youtube user AudreyN who left a comment on this video stating “ben schwartz consumed all seven chaos emeralds prior to this interview.” Pat Gill and Ben Schwartz’s dynamic is amazing, and by “dynamic” I do mean “Ben Schwartz absolutely just fucking dunking on Pat Gill for 14 entire minutes.” and it is glorious.

For Entertainment this scores a solid 5. Quite honestly the funniest interview I’ve ever watched in my entire life. Just the sheer beauty in the exchange [Pat] “You would use Sonic’s power to gaslight me?” [Ben] “Just you.” In terms of Education, I guess I did learn a bunch of things about the Sonic movie that I didn’t know before, but the avenue by which it was portrayed in was not exactly the most engaging, more like I was absorbing it via watching two experts discuss on a webinar. I would have given just 1 point to Education but I made it 2 because of the wonderful knowledge that Pat Gill can draw a pretty good Sonic in a few seconds. When it comes to Exaltation, I must admit that while this video got quite a few laughs out of me, it didn’t make me want to get out of bed and take a shower. 

BONUS: Pat is +2 hot in it. His short hair makes him look very handsome. He’s a spiffy boy, in this video. Very, very good.  

Keep reading

This was probably dramatically amazing thing I saw on the internet today.

psychic: *reads my mind*

me: what’s the opposite of low? (High!) And what do you call this part? (Knees!) Put ‘em together, it’s addition time - (Knee highs!) - No, high knees… Get ‘em up high, and then up even higher - it’s not a lot to do. Show me your dreams, your sky high desires! You have to get your knees so high like a plane! High like a mountain! High like a stoner, 420! (don’t do drugs.) High like a very tall building where the elevator ride makes you dizzy, don’t get in a tizzy, just knees up, knees up, knees up, don’t stop, sharks have to keep on swimming or they die. Knees up, knees up, knees up, don’t stop - up to your shoulders, up to your eye! Keep on going, but look at this graph, and see the truth. The answer is so simple it’ll make you laugh - the higher you can get your knees, the more you succeed! The more you are liked! More, more, more! (Correlation is positive.) More self esteem, I can walk into a room and say “Hey, look at me - yes, you - look at me! I’m great, and smart, and nice, and we should go on a date! I’ll pick you up at eight!” Sorry that was forward… Wait… Yeah? Cool, alright, sweet! Yeah… I’ll- I’ll see you then! (ohhhhhhhhhh!) Knees up, knees up, knees up, knees up, she said yes ‘cause my knees are high - also ‘cause I got this twinkle in my eye! I’m so happy I could die, but the higher I can get my knees, the more I succeed! The more I am liked! More, more, more! (I can’t believe you got a date.) My moves are good, and I’m proud and I’m pretty, and I’m feeling really good in Baltimore city, and my mood is high, just like my knittys, and you wanna know why? ‘Cause I’m doin’ my ditty! It’s high knees, high knees, high knees, high knees, h

psychic: what the fuck

me: gosh im so busy. i can barely do things i enjoy because i have so much work to get done. i wish i could spend more time with my family, friends, and boyfriend.

me:

me: anyway, i’m going to go write a completely unprompted research paper on how playing video games while exercising affects performance, inspired by brian david gilbert

I’m purely convinced Brian David Gilbert is an other worldly faeish being

WHITE PEOPLE REBLOG THIS ONE:

when you are in public with your black friend/friends DO NOT make jokes, or loud jokes about crime. do not yell at people when you are walking down the street, do not make jokes about robbing or stealing. YOU might be able to make those jokes by yourself, but when you are in presence of a black person, the effects can be DIRE.  

Rating Pat Gill Outfits Vol. 2

Back by absolutely no demand:

“Look That Made Me Want To Make Vol.2″

Denim!!! Power posing denim dude!! Incredible!! 10/10

Keep reading

to be clear this is not a joke i have the first half of a research paper written out. i just need to run the actual experiment.

these are things i do for fun.

i think i need to reevaluate my life choices

me: gosh im so busy. i can barely do things i enjoy because i have so much work to get done. i wish i could spend more time with my family, friends, and boyfriend.

me:

me: anyway, i’m going to go write a completely unprompted research paper on how playing video games while exercising affects performance, inspired by brian david gilbert