I’m Gonna Add Onto This In A While When I’m Free But I Had An Epiphany Recently: Helen Made Friends

All the times my parents triggered my depression

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Reblog for those who might need it.

hey so protip if you have abusive parents and need to get around the house as quietly as possible, stay close to furniture and other heavy stuff because the floor is settled there and it’s less likely to creak

I think about this cake every day

I identify as a villain because I'm already queer-coded and don't feel like being the quirky best friend who dies for motivation.

things jon could/should have done differently (because even if it’s understandable, it’s still not okay to hurt people just because you’re hurting):

being an ass to martin in s1 because of his own feelings of inadequacy

stalking his coworkers and taking photos of their houses in s2

not telling georgie he was framed for murder when hiding at her house

generally just not telling the people around him when he was out of his depth and lashing out in pain with no warning

feeding on innocent victims and just sort of deciding that was a problem for some other time instead of trying to prevent it from happening again

things jon had no control over:

becoming an avatar

needing to read statements

being stuck in the archives with no way out

the others being stuck in the archives with no way out

sasha’s and tim’s deaths

the apocalypse

literally everything else

how does being punched in the face feel like

One of my biggest reasons for why low-empathy autistic Martin is my favorite is how much it demolishes the whole “empathy = morality” and “low empathy = bad, feels other people don’t matter” thing.  I have a lot of feelings so am gonna just dump ‘em all here in a disjointed manifesto.

Just look at it:  He has a reputation for caring and for doting on people, but relies on tangible, accessible ways to show it.  Bring them tea.  Tell them to sleep.  Listen to their problems.  It’s very learned, or self-taught rather, and makes so much sense in the context of how he grew up caring for his mother.  He flounders when those scripts are rejected:

Basira:  You can’t just stand next to someone with a cup of tea and hope everything’s gonna be all right.

Martin: That’s not fair.  You don’t even know me.  

Basira:  Prove it.

Martin:   Oh–h-hi!  Hey, hey Melanie, uh–  Can I get youuuu… a… cup… of… tea?

Even when the apocalypse happened, he was using those scripts.  Jon is in pain, Jon is despairing, time to make him a cup of tea!  Martin’s never been in a “tea will solve everything” denial, but it’s a reliable, tangible way he uses to offer comfort and make someone feel supported.  He doesn’t have a script for how to respond to “was just mentally tortured by our boss” or “blaming self for ending the world.”

We see him develop a new way to choose to care and be kind as their journey begins: treating the victims they meet as people, even if the victims can’t hear.  

Also building off of the “the masking is lower priority in the apocalypse” ideas!!  There’s a matter of who he’s around.  For most of season 5, it’s just Jon!  Jon who has so much faith in him, Jon who he knows loves and accepts him.  There’s less of a need to perform and fit in, and the same goes the other way around.  This is supported even more by how quickly Martin shifted back when Basira showed up: this is familiar territory again, defusing arguments and being group glue, and it quickly feels like we’re back to “the old Martin.”  

I also love this for how it plays out in him and Jon being in a relationship.  It’s very likely this is new territory for Martin!  He demonstrates his caring by pushing Jon to share his feelings, but rarely shares his own.  When he actually hears what those feelings are, they’re often hard for him to process, or he responds in ways that feel overly pragmatic or insensitive.  It doesn’t come naturally to him.

There’s a jab Peter keeps returning to during season 4 as he tries to groom Martin for the Lonely:  Be honest with yourself, Martin.  You don’t really care, Martin.  You never really cared, it’s all just habit.  It’s so on-the-nose targeted towards someone where caring for others is a choice, not based on empathetic feelings.  It’s so in line with how people talk about the idea of “low empathy.”  But Martin threw it right back in his face, and it couldn’t be more satisfying.

Kind of a fantasy au with Inn keeper Martin and quest focused adventurer Jon

(based on a tiktok that was just…so Martin)

Hey, stop scrolling.

Everyone who is reading this: I’m so glad you’re alive. I’m so proud of you. You are loved. I’m here. Don’t give up, we’re almost there.

Pass it on.

an animal ate all of my boyfriend’s decorative cabbages and he’s reacting really okay and proportionally