I Hate This Feeling. I Hate What Others Might Say About It. This Forsaken Curse That Makes Me Incompatible

I hate this feeling. I hate what others might say about it. This forsaken curse that makes me incompatible with the flesh suit I was born with.

I hate dysphoria. I hate it when people around the world say "it can't be that bad"

And in some cases they're right. In some cases it isn't that bad. But it's when they're wrong that dysphoria gets dangerous.

That urge that can turn to violence or sadness or both.

The urge to crush and fracture the skeleton that makes your body shaped the way it is.

The urge to skin yourself so you don't have to look wrong.

The urge to remove yourself from the equation all together so that you can try to free yourself from this feeling that you aren't in the right body.

Waking up feeling like you're possessing a stranger's skin.

Being misgendered.

Simply existing and having a thought occur that makes you wish that you could simply give up or make everything fix.

If I were in a different state I wouldn't have had to wait another year. But here I am in one of only two US States that don't view people as adults until they are 19.

One more year after this one.

One more long fucking year.

I hate this vessel I am trapped within.

I hate waking up and feeling disconnected from the very skin that portrays my being.

I want to cut all the skin off. I want to shatter every bone and destroy every last atom of the genes that forced me to develop this way.

Sometimes it's not this hard. But today it's harder than I could imagine. The only thing keeping me from desecrating this flesh suit is the knowledge that deep down, it won't change a thing and it won't make anything better.

So now all I can do is wait.

Wait until I'm old enough to actually make an impact to alter my being.

Wait until I can actually look at myself in the mirror and see me.

Wait until I can actually feel happy and like I'm inhabiting my own skin, for more than simply a week at most

More Posts from Sylvadivariva and Others

1 month ago
Trump Wants Snitches to Report on DEI. There’s Just One Problem.
The New Republic
Donald Trump wants people to expose diversity, equity, and inclusion efforts in the federal government. The idea is already flopping.

The threat was loud and clear: Report your so-called “DEI” employees or else. What exactly “DEIA or similar ideologies” means is up in the air, but the message was out there. And so was the email address of the DEIA snitching hotline. Fake emails quickly started to roll in. ‘I don’t care, fuck these McCarthyite bastards,” one BlueSky user said, with an screenshot attached of an email to the hotline where he ironically reported Donald Trump and JD Vance for being “put in their positions solely because of their race and/or gender despite the fact that they are wholly unqualified for their jobs and, in some cases, have criminal records.” “Anyone have a script to fire off a billion e-mails an hour??” another user asked in the replies. “Anyone can email anything of any size even if it crashes the site,” one X user noted. The scope and effectiveness of this latest phase of Trump’s anti-DEI crusade remains to be seen.

1 month ago

For a friend, trying to get out of the US before our existence is completely criminalized. Give if you want, don't feel pressured.

https://gofund.me/a61077fd


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3 months ago

I love being transgender and I'll never stop

Today was scary but raising 3k with my sister and being with my girlfriend filled me with hope. I love being transgender and I'll never stop.


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2 months ago
Who Up Gobbling They Fucking Wawa I Guess

Who up gobbling they fucking wawa i guess

4 months ago

Fucking jinkies, I did not know about this. It's frankly terrifying that Neo-Nazis are here and anti-trans legislature is shadowing what the Nazis did. I am scared of my own future, being only relative weeks from starting HRT myself

if you're just joining us, george takei is having to educate jk rowling on holocaust denial

If You're Just Joining Us, George Takei Is Having To Educate Jk Rowling On Holocaust Denial
If You're Just Joining Us, George Takei Is Having To Educate Jk Rowling On Holocaust Denial
If You're Just Joining Us, George Takei Is Having To Educate Jk Rowling On Holocaust Denial
If You're Just Joining Us, George Takei Is Having To Educate Jk Rowling On Holocaust Denial
If You're Just Joining Us, George Takei Is Having To Educate Jk Rowling On Holocaust Denial
9 months ago

saw some ppl full chest using the argument that "seeing so much human suffering is unnatural" and it's like do you know what's even more unnatural??? seeing so much human suffering and doing nothing about it bc you've been coddled your whole life and think lives outside of the global north don't mean anything. that's extremely unnatural to me . but a lot of you are shameless enough to be doing it rn.

1 year ago

Rain world is so fun, so cruel. It is basically life in a game. You get to try things and learn lessons. It's cruel in the way life is. You make a mistake and you have to start over. You have to change plans depending on what's around you. Sometimes you even lose a child and there's nothing you can do. It's so cruel and yet so fun. Ive so far lost 8 children and have still been recovering. I feel like the realness of rain world allows you to even if just partially understand the hardship of parenthood. I enjoy the game greatly and I can't wait to have my kids play it as well.


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1 year ago

As soon as I saw @bug4932's template I knew I had to do this

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sylvadivariva - ForestDivaRiva
ForestDivaRiva

🏳‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️she/her, lesbian, posts very infrequently, rainworld lover, venting person, safe place for: therians, LGBTQIA2S+, furries, disabled/differently-abled, respectful people

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