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Humans are the only species to evolve consciously. Don’t have claws, so we made knives. Can’t run fast, so we made cars. Can’t breathe under water, so we made scuba sets…

I love The Onion

Ted Cruz Provides Detailed Response To Moderator’s Question About Why His Face So Fucking Infuriating 

HOUSTON—Responding to moderator Wolf Blitzer’s question about why voters who look at him are overwhelmed with feelings of intense aggravation and disgust, presidential candidate Ted Cruz provided a comprehensive outline during Thursday night’s GOP debate laying out exactly why his face is so fucking infuriating. “Ever since I was a child, I have had a weaselly, piece-of-shit face that you can’t help but want to hit, and that’s never changed—how many other candidates on this stage can say that?” said Cruz, adding that oftentimes when he looks in the mirror, even he wants to drive a screwdriver through his eyes so he never has to see his stupid, boxy head and waggling, doughy chin ever again.

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Sad that this is so true...

‘The Time To Act Is Now,’ Says Yellowing Climate Change Report Sitting In University Archive 

BERKELEY, CA—Warning society that it has reached a crucial tipping point from which it may never be able to recover, a brittle, yellowing report sitting in the archives of the University of California’s Bioscience & Natural Resources Library reportedly urged readers Friday that “the time to act against climate change is right now.” “Any further delay in ending the international community’s reliance on fossil fuels and reversing global carbon emission trends places the planet on an irreversible path toward climate catastrophe,” read the faded text of the document, whose musty, degrading pages further cautioned that, without “an immediate and concerted worldwide response,” polar ice caps will melt at an accelerating rate and extreme weather events will grow more frequent and destructive.

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Race Dog Trying new stuff

Wow!

22 Foods You Didn’t Know Used To Be Completely Different

I love this one a lot.

“Waiter?~”