Your Daughters Do Not Exist To Give You Grandchildren

*working on our chem packet*

person 1: *out of nowhere* did you guys know that if someone dies during a test everyone else gets a 100

person 2: WHO WANTS TO TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM FOR OUR TEST ON FRIDAY,, COME ON GUYS

*half the class raises their hands*

teacher: *horrified* i think some of our students need to see the counselor

Nancy Wheeler being a bad ass with a gun!

spent my easter afternoon giving bucky wings what even is my life

I keep using my girlfriend with unusual work hours to get out of coworker interactions and happy hours and hanging out.

But now the company holiday party is upon us.

And I’ve been lying about the girlfriend.

I suddenly really empathise with the characters in Hallmark Christmas movies.

Me: BANDCAMP IS FUN AMAZING BRILLIANT IM ACTIVE IM MOVING IM DRINKING WATER TAKING CARE OF MYSELF LEARNING BONDING WOO

Also Me: fuck it hot i want to Die™

Can we please just start oppressing gamers now?

Shuri: So here's the tea.

T'Challa: For the last time it's called a mission report.

Shuri: Do you want the tea or not?

Person A: “Someone end me, I’m fucking done.”

Person B: “Absolutely not.” 

Person C: “Mood.”  

Person D: “You wanna talk about it?”  

Person E: “I have arsenic.”