Mystery Inc. But It’s The 1890s

TF2 HEADCANONS PART TWO ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

I told myself I’d get these up one of these days👍 I finished this list at 4 am last night so none of this makes any sense and every word is more chaotic than the ones before it and no I’m not sorry y’all sighed up for this bs

Scout

-Can understand a good chunk of French but can’t speak more than a few simple words if that, has no clue how he understands it (Spy spoke a good amount of French around him as a baby or something idk)

-Can be just has hard to find as Spy-once you loose sight of him he’s impossible to find if he’s actually trying to stay hidden-Like father like son

-Can and will steal your food-this includes Heavy and Medic-He has no fear whatsoever and has been sent to respawn god knows how many fucking times because of this-And yet he still does it

-Loves scifi movies and comics and if you watch a movie with him half of it is him pointing out random trivia facts because he’s incapable of shutting the fuck up (this is also what happens when you watch a movie with me irl. My grandparents are sick and tired of it. Yes this is even more self projection what of it?)

-has mastered the younger sibling talent of fucking climbing people if it means getting something that’s held over his head. He also bites

Soldier

-it’s impossible to tell if he’s insulting you or complimenting you 90% of the time

-Has stabbed Scout’s hand to the table to prevent him from stealing food before and no one stopped him

-The team has movie nights once a week and Soldier always puts on the same inaccurate WW2 documentary he made himself when it’s his turn to pick-he used to put on 10 hours of the American National Anthem but someone (read: The rest of the team working together) lost (read: Violently destroyed) the tape after the third time

-I said he was from Missouri once in a rp cuz my rp friend and I are both from different parts of Missouri so that’s my hc now

Pyro

-I always hc him as Irish for some reason idk why

-Can casually pick up every merc except for Heavy-He struggles a bit with Medic because that man is pure muscle but they can indeed pick him up

-May or may not be a cannibal-it’s a little uncertain but either way they’re banned from the kitchen and cooking duty

-I’m a sucker for the hc that he does not like water whatsoever-Getting this man a bath is like trying to bathe a cat except somehow even more deadly

Demo

-This may be the impulsive sleep deprivation but my brain randomly went “What If he can see general ghosts because of his possessed eye socket, not just Eyelander or the scream fortress ghosts” so sometimes people walk in on him casually having a conversation with the air. Considering he’s made out with his own organs in his head, this is one of the less weird things they’ve walked in on him doing

-Surprisingly he’s the best with kids out of all 9 mercs, Heavy is a good runner up though and Spy’s not far behind but will never admit it

Heavy

-Accent gets thicker when he’s talking to people he cares about

-Was the one who suggested the movie nights in the first place

-Actually cleans up in the base unlike literally everyone else

Engie

-People don’t realize how unhinged this man is ok??? Anyways he’s a caffeine addict and has developed the habit of pulling way too many all nighters if it means getting work done (like me. It’s 4 am as I work on this list. Help)

-What’s a southern farm boy without a few dozen concerning stories about pushing cousins out of second story barn windows or near drowning fishing story? My cousins lived on a farm when we were kids and they scared the shit out of me I swear there was a new broken bone every summer

-probably once had a sleep deprived mental breakdown on his workshop floor because the sweet tea one of the mercs made him wasn’t sweet enough idk man I’m sleep deprived rn and could really use a southern style sweet tea

Medic

-Mann vs Machine hc that his hometown would rather deal with the robots than having Medic anywhere near them ever again. They want him GONE

-Sleeps like a fucking corpse-You can’t even tell he’s breathing unless you look closely. He even crosses his arms like a corpse

-Will take you graverobbing for a romantic date-gotta get experiment canvases somehow he’s running out of room on the other mercs without them just dropping dead from it all

Sniper

-The opposite of a morning person, but his internal clock won’t let him sleep in ever. The suns up? He’s up! Someone help him

-Has befriended a wild owl and feeds it at night-The offense trio very violently helped him name it (They fist fought eachother over who’s name was better while Sniper spaced out thinking about random gator facts)

Spy

-An adrenaline junkie but will never ever admit it

-Spy can mimic voices to a near perfect even without his disguise kit-he however rarely uses this and instead simply mocks everyone instead because he finds it funny (“This is Scout! Rainbows make me cry!”)

-Wears a corset because I said so-It always matches perfectly with his outfit and underwear too-He feels SO bonita

Bonus since it’s Pride Month

-Scout is gay and so many levels deep in the closet it’s embarrassing-He’s also trans because I said so

-Soldier is trans, bi, and poly :) his list of wives consists of anyone and everyone /j

-Spy is bi and a cis man who wears dresses regularly he’s gnc af and I love that for him he’s my wife now

-Medic is gay and still legally married to his wife they’re mlm wlm solidarity married for tax benefits /j

-Pyro is trans, non-binary, and pan and uses he/they pronouns because I said so

-None of these men are straight ok

-Medic did both Scout and Soldier’s top surgery but both of them instead have overly extravagant extremely gorey stories on how they got their scars

Hybrids can talk to the creatures they are hybrids of! This is a fun trick... unless you're a creeper hybrid, or a wither hybrid, or an enderman hybrid, or... really, any hybrid where your kind are farmed. Cleo scored it good with zombies not being very smart, though she's still trying to forget the ones who remembered who they once were, with their screams of terror as the axes were brought down. (It would feel too bad to tell the others who they're slaying. It's just a small secret, right?)

Oh, no...I never thought about that aspect of it. This is such a good, horrible idea...

A Non-Exhaustive List Of Things That Will Never Be Said But Possibly Should Be:

The final sharp hiss of a creeper when it dies to fall damage is actually a curse. Not a curse in the swearing sense - a curse in the "death and rage to you and your pack for seasons and seasons to come" sense. Doc has heard thousands - probably millions - of them in his lifetime. He hopes they have no actual power...but if his own affinity for worldbreaking dark magic is anything to go by, he might not be so lucky.

Some of the zombies Cleo hears die still know their name. Others don't. That's the worst part, honestly: there don't seem to be any rules to how much they remember, or which ones do and which ones don't. It seems to be just random luck. What does that mean for her...

Slimes only ever say one thing. The light, the light, the light, the light, the light. From the smallest to the biggest, that's all Jevin ever hears from them. He hasn't figured out what they mean by it. He's trying not to feel worried about the fact that he himself doesn't instinctively know. What exactly did he lose, when he became a player?

Impulse is. Well. He has a lot of practice. With focus, and centeredness, continuing working on his wither rose farm no matter what other thoughts might be hammering through his ears. Concentrate, no breaking [RELEASE ME] focus, don't let your hand near that [R̵̺͒̅Ȇ̴̡Ļ̸̟̚Ḛ̴̈A̴̠͠S̸͎̝̽̀E̶̩͚̎ ̷͚̻̐M̸̧̏͗E̶̞̫̋͘!̸̯̠͛] pickaxe you don't need it you aren't breaking [R̶̤͊͐E̷̪̎L̸̯͖͗̃E̶͈͘Ą̷̞́̓S̸̡̒́Ė̵̦̗͘ ̸̨̕M̶̡͚̌̓E̶̢̮̐́,̷̙̰͒ ̷̼́̀P̸͕͈̚Ú̴͉̼͒N̵̡̊͜Ÿ̸̫̤́ ̶̥̯̇͘Ẁ̵̭͇Ĕ̷͙A̸̲̯͒K̷̟̹̄L̵̮̿̚Ȋ̵̦͒N̶͎̺̋̕G̵̢̛͔̿ ̸̺̖͒T̶̼̂̒H̴̼͂Ḯ̷̙N̵̟͚̍G̵̻͊] any blocks right now. It's bedrock anyway. He can't break it. [T̵̗͒Ḥ̴̡̀E̷̳̓͛ ̶̖͛͑Ẁ̷̞Ơ̸̻̺͑R̵̫̍́Ľ̶̥̼̃D̵̮͔̀͠ ̵͓͔̓̓W̷͓̗̅̏Ǐ̸̭͠L̴̘͕̊͑Ḻ̸̯̍ ̷̩̎̃Ḳ̷͋͘N̴̘̚Ỏ̷ͅW̴̗͊̏ ̶̡̈́P̸̪̒A̴̲͂͝I̵͕̼͒̀N̷̞̅͜ ̶̞͐Ả̴͔͔Ṣ̷̰͋ ̸̟͕̆͒I̸̟͇͆̔ ̷̛̩͇͝D̸̘̲͐͌Ơ̸͈͈] He knows. He's tried.

Sheep get ticklish when they're being sheared. Zed thinks that's pretty cool! :)

The Average Garfield Strip

Garfield: Another day on this odie of an earth Jon, engaging in shenanigans: I NEED COCK Garfield, about to say a slur:

yo whats up

JESSE. JESSE YOU WORTHLESS IMBECILE. STOP POURING OIL ON YOURSELF JESSE. YOU CAN’T FLY IN THE RAIN BECAUSE YOU COVERED YOURSELF IN OIL JESSE. IT’S SCIENTIFICALLY IMPOS-

It's almost time for Zack and Cody's reservation at the Italian restaurant

South Park ref

Random screenshots redraw :D

it was funnier in my head

fem of my be loved!