I’m Embarrassed I Sobbed Into A Pillow For 2 Hours After Seeing A Tiktok

THE CROWS + tumblr text posts

He is a morally gray character and nothing anyone says or does can change that

That’s all have a good day

The way some people in this fandom react to the Darkling being called morally grey is so fucking funny.

We didn't talk enough about StepMum!Nancy. She lives in my wildest, wettest dreams. I think she likes messing with your pussy under the dinner table. Or making you wear a remote control vibe when you go out on mommy daughter days

no because your father talking about his boring ass business meeting at the table while you try and push down your food like you aren't clamping your thighs together because nancys fingers are knuckle deep in your little cunt.

your dad had jusr smiled kindly when you sat down next to nancy at the table saying, "m'glad to see my two favorite girls getting along." and you had smiled tightly.

nancy had just smiled and patted your hip. "we've come to find common ground recently."

now you're gripping your fork as nancy hums and nods along to what your father is saying, her pretty pink lips sipping her lemonade delicately.

her fingers are lithe and slender. slightly long from her most recent manicure, enough that they rub down on your gooey walls enough to make your teeth clench. you're embarrassed by how wet the sounds are, you don't know how your dad can't hear them. the gushy pull everytime nancy draws her digits out and the little squelch they make when she pumps them back in. your thighs are shaking.

"dear." you feel her other hand flutter over your forehead. "oh, you're hot as a furnace. you poor thing. here-" you have to bite down your whine as he fingers slip free from your hole. "-you did so good. finished your whole plate. you can be excused now. I'll be up with some warm tea and medicine for you, alright?"

you nod numbly, legs shaking as you stand. nancy smiles at you and deftly swipes the fingers covered in your juices across her lips, tasting you.

you know the medicine shes referring to giving you means her head between your legs, under your nightgown, soft tongue swirling around your enflamed clit as she coaxes cum from you.

can you please talk about the 'make me your villain' line?

Well I don’t know what exactly you want me to talk about in regards to it, so I’ll just share some of the Thoughts I have on the line and it’s context! I’m incredibly fond of the way the scene is portrayed in the show and how it differs from the one in the books, so I’ll be delving into that a bit as I go along.

(There are some gifs of the scene below, so tw body horror for Alina’s antlers and mild mentions of abuse. Also sorry in advance to Nonny for talking about the whole scene instead of just the line.)

I think the best thing about this scene in particular is how much it reveals about the characters and their relationship dynamics, especially when considering the acting choices that went into both Aleksander and Alina.

In the show, Alina is sharp and angry - confrontational - whereas in the books, she’s a lot more passive. In both the books and the show, Aleksander defends himself to Alina. He wants her to understand him. He wants her to remain by his side. But the way it plays out and his reasons for doing so are wildly different between the medias.

In the books, it’s Alina that’s brought to the Darkling’s tent. He’s already sitting down and tells Alina to do so as well. She complies warily but remains silent, and in fact doesn’t speak at all until he finally orders her to. Yet still, she refuses to talk about anything important. It’s the Darkling that brings up Mal and it’s Mal the discussion revolves around for the vast majority of the conversation. The Darkling is in control the entire time, relaxed and calm, drinking kvas as he runs Alina in circles and threatens the other man. Almost the entirety of their conversation is made up of Alina scrambling to regain control, both in regards to Mal and herself. She’s the one pleading and begging and trying to gain any foothold she can. Alina doesn’t even challenge the Darkling or push him to defend himself until the conversation turns to that of it’s own accord.

Then when the conversation does turn from Mal to how the Darkling betrayed her, their disagreement becomes a very brief back and forth. The Darkling gets exasperated and frustrated and angry with Alina for not understanding. The conversation barely focuses on their romantic relationship and instead on his plans, on Ravka’s future, on how her power is useful, on his own “greed for power” and his intention to rule. There’s hardly any mention of his goal to free the Grisha. Throughout the conversation, the Darkling’s façade cracks but he remains largely dismissive and condescending, cruel and calculating, uncaring and unremorseful. The parts of the conversation that do focus on their relationship that Alina brings up don’t do so for long, and are turned back on her as an argument.

Compare that to the Darkling in the show coming to Alina in her lavish tent and immediately praising her. They’re both standing, and Alina has no qualms about not only talking immediately but also making demands, a big contrast to how the Alina in the books wanted to “remain diplomatic”. In the show, it’s Alina that brings up Mal, only to have him immediately dismissed as a subject when the conversation instead centers entirely around how betrayed Alina feels.

It’s Alina that sits first before the Darkling and then stands first. It’s the Darkling that sits while Alina stands, him that pleads with her to understand why he did what he did. It’s Alina that holds the power as the Darkling scrambles. It’s her that challenges him without prompting and demands explanations and truths and reasons. Her that turns the conversation back on him.

The issues brought up in the conversation are different as well. The Darkling has a whole passionate speech about how the Grisha are persecuted and how he did it to save them. He gets frustrated with Alina for not understanding but instead of being dismissive or angry he gets upset and even more erratic, clearly desperate for her to remain by his side. The conversation focuses more on Alina and Grisha suffering and their relationship instead of his “greed for power”. It focuses on how he did it “for us” instead of for Ravka. How he did it “to help us” and he mentions “you and me” and doing things “together”. The entire scene centers around their relationship and the balance between them, the hurt and betrayal and desperation and his need for them to stay together and understand each other. Even if those emotions are sometimes used as a means of manipulation, that doesn’t make them any less genuine. The Darkling is very open and emotional and vulnerable in this scene. And he’s making himself vulnerable to Alina.

It’s two entirely separate power dynamics. And with such different characterizations and relationships, the meanings of the scenes change.

Now, I really love the way the show portrays the line so I’ll talk a bit more about that for a bit. First, some context.

Here’s Aleksander defending himself:

He’s revealing a lot to Alina with this line. Telling her how the fold was unintentional, how it’s affected him. He’s speaking angrily and passionately, he’s expressing himself a lot here, clearly worked up and desperate for her to understand.

The pain he feels at the use of the Fold by his oppressors is genuine and understandable. He created the Fold to protect his people when they were persecuted. He intended to make an army to save his people and instead by mistake made the Fold. It was an act of desperation because of the Otkazat’sya hunting and persecuting his kind. It was created because of centuries of oppression and generational trauma. The fact that West Ravka has been making a habit of giving Grisha to the Druskelle because the Fold gives them no oversight and the fact that the king of Ravka uses the Fold to exploit thousands must be genuinely upsetting to him. And he’s admitting that to Alina. Not only that, but he’s telling her honestly that he hadn’t intended for it to become what it did.

Most importantly, however, him defending himself here so openly and emotionally is a sign of how much he wants her get it - how much he wants her to take his side. People don’t defend their actions to someone this much and this passionately unless both the reasoning behind the actions and the person they’re addressing are important to them.

Next, we have Aleksander entreating Alina and pleading with her:

He’s asking her to rely on him, to take his hand, to trust him, to understand him, to stay by his side. Most importantly, he’s asking her to be his other half. He’s asking her to accept him. He’s pulling her closer, meeting her eyes, grasping her hands, touching her. The way he leans down when he speaks, the earnest curl of his shoulders, how he honestly believes that the only way they can do this is together and how more than that he wants it to be so.

This is a request. I’d say it was begging but then I’d probably get shadow sliced in my sleep.

Again, he’s appealing to her. He’s making no move to hide what he’s feeling or step back, instead coming in closer and making himself vulnerable. Communicating his emotions in the hopes that they’ll help change her mind. He wants her to stay, and not only to stay but to do so willingly and in full (or more likely at least partial - just enough) acceptance of him.

The way he looks at her in the first gif is him realizing he needs to make more of an emotional appeal. That he needs to commit to this - to finish the full admission and put himself out there as much as he’s asking her to do. It isn’t just her needing him, it’s him needing her.

This part is definitely begging man idk what to tell you.

Now next is the rejection and realization:

Alina pulls away first. She distances herself and shakes her head and protects her chest. She removes his hand from her body. She rejects him.

In turn, Aleksander adds a degree of separation between them as a means of self defense. Right now he’s calculating and dealing with the rejection. He’s hurt and protecting himself, as Alina is doing. Most importantly (to me at least) is that he doesn’t pursue her. He backs away when she backs away, likely because he’s upset, but also I think for a few other reasons that I’ll get into in a moment.

This is the hurt and rejection and heartbreak turning into realization and acceptance. It’s about to be resolve.

Then he says the line:

and then he does this:

First of all, it’s so good!! I love this line so much I would literally die for it. Anon if this was in reality what you wanted me to talk about, here it is: I think Ben Barnes is a spectacular actor and I think he’s taken Aleksander to a whole nother level and I think this line is a masterpiece of acting. His micro-expressions are on point and he’s captured the essence of Aleksander’s character in the show so well and the dramatic way he says it is award worthy. The nose scrunch is adorable of course, and the look he gets in the last gif is *chef’s kiss* beautiful. I absolutely adore the emotions conveyed here. He’s emotional and bitter and angry, but most importantly he’s resolved.

And that’s what I love. The last six gifs, from the moment he’s rejected and he realizes there’s no redemption, are representative of the way he commits and self destructs - the way he feels as if there’s no other option and decides this is the only road he can go down.

With the fold, he didn’t intend to make it, but he now sees it as useful, even if he occasionally regrets it. This is the same thing. He regrets it, but what is done is done. He doesn’t see a way to redeem himself and so accepts the circumstances and acts on them. It’s very much a “this might as well happen now” mentality paired with an opportunistic mindset. Why not use the fold now that he’s created it? Regret or not, intentional or not. Why not keep going downhill with his plans now that Alina has shown him he can’t come back from it? Even if he regrets losing her, even if he wants to change things.

Aleksander has been doing what he’s doing for a long time. Change is hard. But it’s especially hard when you’ve done the same thing for centuries. He’s on a path and he’s going to go down it until he dies. That’s what he thinks needs to happen because he sees no other way. No other way has ever been presented to him. And when so many of one’s habits and ways of living have been born of trauma, they become even harder to shake. And idk, I just think that’s a neat part of his character. I think it’s interesting. And I think it might have potential if the writers do him justice.

Also, the “make me your villain" line here is so achingly emotional, it’s the literal exact opposite of how it happens in the books, which is straight up dismissive.

Here’s an excerpt:

He slumped back in his chair. “Fine,” he said with a weary shrug. “Make me your villain.”

Which is very book!Darkling tbh. It’s also in the middle of the scene. He doesn’t leave afterwards. It isn’t the fall of the axe, it’s his resignation to Alina’s stubborn ignorance. It’s him leaving an argument in a very “agree to disagree” manner. He’s exasperated by Alina’s behavior, not agonized over it. In the show, the line is dropped before he leaves. It’s the break of an emotional buildup, the last line of pained resignation for something he cares deeply about but can’t hope to win. It’s his response to rejection and pain.

The two scenes really couldn’t be more different, but I adore them both tbh.

Anyways, that’s just a few thoughts on the scene. Here are another few highlights though:

Alina in the books is very passive and trying not to goad him in this scene. She calls it “being diplomatic”. It's so different from how show Alina treats the situation that I could die.

His response to “you lied to me” in the books is completely different from the one in the show. “Don’t pretend this is about Ravka’s welfare. You lied to me. You’ve been lying to me since the moment I met you.” His long fingers tightened around the glass. “Did you deserve my trust?” he asked, and for once, his voice was less than steady and cold. “Baghra whispers a few accusations in your ear, and off you go. Did you ever stop to think of what it would mean for me, for all of Ravka, if you just disappeared?” Strangely enough, for how emotional he is in the show, he actually gets more emotional about it in the books. That could be for a number of reasons, but the scenes played out so differently I thought it was worth mentioning. Plus I love both responses so much.

The below line is interesting I think in that it lightly parallels the scene in the show when the collar’s getting put on her. it’s the only time in the show aside from micro-expressions where we actually get to explore how much Alina not wanting her powers hurt him. “That isn’t fair.” “Fairness!” he laughed. “Still she talks of fairness. What does fairness have to do with any of this? The people curse my name and pray for you, but you’re the one who was ready to abandon them.” Of course, the abandonment is referencing a few things about Alina and not just a single quote she made a while ago, but since the show is so much faster than the books, those two quotes are the only things that much up. Alina in the show says she doesn’t want her powers and then he mentions it about four episodes later when he’s taking those powers from her.

“Baghra whispers a few accusations in your ear, and off you go. Did you ever stop to think of what it would mean for me, for all of Ravka, if you just disappeared?” - Kinda reminds me of the “you matter - to eVeRyOnE” scene in the show ngl.

Someone get show Aleksander some kvas, how come book Aleksander is the one that gets all the nice things?

Poor Alina, she looks so hurt I just want to give her a hug. Although I think it’s interesting how they’ve changed the antlers in the show. I think lore-wise it’s cooler and actually makes more sense, but since I also think the reason they did it probably didn’t have as much to do with lore as depicting Darklina as “horrifying” I’m not that into it.

When I first got into SaB I got spoiled for the Darkling’s character and read all this stuff about he was abusive and awful, so I went into the show expecting to hate him and hate Darklina. I watched about six episodes with that mindset but couldn’t really resist the pull of the ship, so when he first said the “make me your villain” line I was very conflicted. I read it as an abuser blaming his victim. It felt uncomfortable. Now, however, after watching the show so many times and reading the books, it’s easier for me to examine the intricacies of the scene in more detail and realize it isn’t like that at all. I think the emotional complexity of the line in the show vs the total brutality of it in the books is brilliant, and I love how much it conveys about his character in both aspects.

Still though every time I watch the scene now I picture the meme of that skit where the guy shoots someone and then goes “oh, why did [somebody else] do this?”

Alina’s reluctance to engage with the Darkling about his reasons and motivations in the books vs her desire to do so in the show is so incredibly compelling to me. The below book quote is Alina when she’s refusing to speak. It’s so viscerally different from how the scene plays out in the show, and of course I have tons of explanations and theories, but I don’t want to make this post a million miles long lol. It’s just a very honorable mention cause I love it. “I have nothing to say.” “I imagine you have a great deal to say.” “If I tell you to stop, you won’t stop. If I tell you you’re mad, you won’t believe me. Why should I bother?”

“I’ve had enough of your lies.” “And what lies are those?” - Alina, pulling out a fifty mile long scroll of grievances: Well, for starters-

Aleksander’s look of confusion in the show during half of this scene makes me simultaneously want to hug him and slap him and laugh in his face.

“You spun all this guilt around your burden, the sins of your father. There was no father” - Idk why this cracks me up so much but I DIE every time I hear it. “there was no father” lakjsdlfkjas yeah there sure wasn’t.

I love how she asks him about his plans to usurp the throne in the show and he just goes dead silent like a kid about to get scolded if he reveals the truth. In the books he has no problems just straight up admitting to it without hesitation lmfao.

Parallels but not really (show then books) : “I could have made the Grisha safe but you never gave me a choice." “Perhaps” “Baghra whispers a few accusations in your ear, and off you go. Did you ever stop to think of what it would mean for me, for all of Ravka, if you just disappeared?” “You didn’t give me much choice.” “Of course you had a choice. And you chose to turn your back on your country, on everything that you are.” Last line on the above quote is also a parallel to the one he says in the skiff scene in the show, right before he gets tracker tackled into the fold like a little bitch.

Kinda weird that book Alina just assumes he’ll be a tyrant of a ruler when up until now he’s been a very reasonable and actually highly competent one.

“He reached out and touched Morozova’s collar, letting his long fingers spread over the rough bone, then slide up my neck to cradle my face with one hand. I felt a jolt of revulsion, but I also felt the sure, intoxicating force of him. I hated that it still had an effect on me.” Again, in the show it’s Alina that grabs his hand and puts it on her chest. In the show, he initiates hand holding contact, and she’s the one that brings his hand to her chest to feel the collar. Is this because show Aleksander is more horrified by what he’s done? Book Aleksander doesn’t seem to care and in fact seems to like it, so I suppose he’d touch it willingly. I don’t think show Aleksander wants to touch it or look at it, I think what he did to her disturbs him. So is her bringing his hand up to her collar a way of saying “face what you’ve done? This is why I can’t forgive you?”

The way he admits in the show that “I never intended for it to be the blight it’s become” is so strange to me because it’s very soft amidst all of the other extreme emotions. First he’s extremely cold and then he’s extremely hot, but this line is just... soft and honest. It feels like the most real line in the entire scene. I think it might actually be true regret.

“Fine. Make me your villain,” is one of Aleksander’s least manipulative lines idk why people seem to think it’s him being so villainous. It’s the epitome of “there’s nothing more I can do here. bye.”

The difference between priorities in the show and the book really is so fascinating though. Him mentioning that he’s doing this for them in the show while in the books he admits clearly to doing it for Ravka is so wild. The scene in the show really does have a lot more romantic overtones.

I think it's notable that book Aleksander wants her to understand him and fill his loneliness just as much as show Aleksander, but in the books he values the means and circumstances of her cooperation a lot differently than show Aleksander does. Book Aleksander doesn't really care that she's upset with him - not to a great extent, at least. Whereas show Aleksander cares very much.

now thats a lot of damage

Omg so cute ahhh I can’t get over this. This made my day and I need to keep seeing it. I think I’m in love

𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚖 ... 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞...

MY ART

Yeah this is the most relatable thing I’ve ever seen

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Look buddy, i’m just trying to make it to Friday.

Beep beep beep

*c r a s h*

Maybe shouldn’t have said that to someone who can’t drive

This isnt a joke my favorite piece of writing advice that I’ve ever seen is someone that said if you were stuck with a fic and couldn’t figure out why or what was wrong, your problem is actually usually about ten sentences back. Maybe there was something wonky about the tone or the dialogue or you added something that didn’t fit but it’s usually ten sentences back. And every single time I get stuck in a fic I count back ten sentences and it’s always fucking there

So sad

when the good place said “no one is beyond rehabilitation” and aleksander morozova said “don’t let me be alone”