I Dropped Him Like Burnt Toast, So Suddenly Unwanted, Heartlessly Discarded, And I, The One Who Neglected

I grip the windowsill too tightly As the dark clouds pour Heavily over an angry ocean Crashing, spraying, flooding Lightning strikes again, again! It's a storm, it's raging, and it's

Too loud! Too loud! Too loud!

Then you tap on my door You slip into my mind And everything else is on mute

I think I finally understand The rose's thorns I too want to be loved Without being touched

So I am no romantic flower I embody the stem I want to be ideal And practically unattainable

Ungraceful am I For grieving so publicly Bereaved, forgive me

Your long hair falls Like silk curtains Over our ears As you lean your Face down close To mine and I feel At home here In our tiny world Between the strands

You were high up in the trees Looking far out to the seas And I'd climb up there with you If I only had the ability to So tell me what it's like up there? The sky wind blowing in your hair The rain as it starts to wet your face A rainbow with no resting place You take the branches two by two Climbing down looks so easy for you You told me you had fun in the clouds That I make you smile on the ground We live just down that winding road Where we live a life that's slow I watch you live out all your dreams And you are happy with me it seems

Your neck is a canvas For the brush of my lips Wondering if we ever Had a chance at innocence A roguish glance as We walk towards the church My hand tugging you Down the blustering Sidewalk of fluttering Freshly dying leaves

We stroll side by side With familiar ease A lifetime's worth Of rising, setting suns You wear my sweatshirt You smell like me And weave yourself into The fabric of my being Our love was never Just in the leaving

Climb up the steeple Ring the bell with me Summon the flock of sheep Do they know they Worship at our feet? In cold October mornings High above the chapel The two of us are no sin Up here on my knees I'll give you my sermon

Never again could I love Anyone as I do you, Fellow poet

Because with everyone else Poetry has been My mistress

And with you, we share her, Together we have Moaned her name

I swam with Fish from Other seas Other creatures From fresh And salty waters Knowing In the depths Of my heart

That All I really Wanted was To settle In a quiet Backyard pond With you

"I will never have a husband" I tell her, as the sun Peeks through the branches, Turning the dark blue sky Brand new shades of purple and orange.

I think she wants to be my man, To care for me the way a Man cares for a woman In a place when only this form Of devotion is allowed.

Sometimes, on these nights She curls her love into my fingers, After sneaking through the maples And oaks, careful to avoid the Streets with newly added lamps.

"You wouldn't be my wife?" She asks, in that sorrowful way She always asks, because she does Ask, with words or with her eyebrows Tilting upwards and sideways.

"I could never be a wife." And neither could she, not Even with me, not here in my Room or in this house or In anyone's home, not with anyone.

Sometimes she wakes me Dressed in her neighbor's shirt And pants, stolen from the line, Her long brown hair tucked into Her brother's formal hat.

In the day she is the embodiment Of elegance, her long flowing Hair pinned with decorations, Long expensive gowns, delicately gloved Hands that have never known labor.

Then in darkness she stands beside me Pulling her dead grandfather's Pocket watch from her borrowed Pants, giving me a wry smile Because she knows I am lying.

When she strips off her costume And gets in bed beside me I am hers, and this is our secret Marriage bed, two women making A life together in the shadows.

And I have lied, because without Ceremony or rings, without witnesses We have made vows, so when I tell her I will never have a husband, really I mean I will never have one publicly.

In the day she is hopeful as we walk Arm in arm, lazily through the orchard She whispers, "come away with me" Though I say nothing, because here We are simply the dearest of friends.

As the birds begin chirping She gathers her clothing, some To be worn and others returned, She kisses me goodbye, just until Tonight, when she will propose again.

I write my own universe inside a snow globe Where fields of lilac and rows of holly Coexist without juxtaposition Where a mother is also a sister And a sister is someone I can trust Where truth and reality do not conflict With any of my own personal truths or realities

Shake me hard, turning me this way and that I am in flux, I am inside the water That from the outside looking in poses as air The winter birds and the summer birds Perch in the same trees, eat the same seeds I am dreaming here with eyes open Love does not perish here, not in my delicate orb