Numbness Became A Second Skin My Brain Seems Quiet Yet Too Loud In Its Silence And Wherever I Am There

I did not expect to find a heavy heart like mine in hollow hands like yours

I desired to learn so many things

Like trusting, instead of searching affection in your night sky eyes

Like loving, instead of rushing only to control and not to lose

Like healing, instead of hurting myself and everyone I feel around

Like being thankful, instead of sorry for all the words which leave my mouth

Like living, instead of dying with every day I waste for nothing

Like living, like living like living time as easy as you do

Why do you feel so alive?

I used to feel so deeply for you but now I am confused about the love that I felt about the love that I lost

I used to feel so strong with my heart dancing in fire it never burned out it never lost its desire

I used to feel so passionate like it was only you and me passionate about us passionate about who we could be

Now I feel nothing of the things that I used to feel I stare into your eyes black holes, just as dead as mine

How could we become these deadly boring people? Weren't we the ones which used to breathe through kisses?

How could we lose all of this and slowly become enemies? we stopped to dance in our light we rather start wars in our shadow

How lovely it would be to go back to the art of passion but we buried it our fallen feeling of desire

We think to much

and forget to love instead

I created a new person for you but as much as I created It wasn't enough for you.

A dream which took me back to  you

Last night I’ve dreamed about you. 

I’ve dreamed about us

About the past, the fight, and the short but yet so beautiful periods of peace.

I’ve dreamed about you and your beautiful laugh and your even prettier smile.

I’ve dreamed and I fell back in love, in love with us and the past. 

I’ve felt relieved to have you back. To have the past back, like nothing ever happened. Like this is just as and how we use to be.

We didn’t share a world together, we created a universe. Both of us used to live on our own planet, but there was no space between our worlds. Not a tiny bit. 

But who of us knew how fatal it would be when two worlds who were ment to be together, would separate for a moment?  Who of us knew, that a moment could mend eternity? Who of us knew that there is a universe, where our worlds would be miles away from each other? Who of us knew how broken our worlds were? Who of us knew that our universe was about to fall apart? 

And than 

I woke up. 

Alone in my bed.

Shivering from the cold you left behind.

Searching you desperately in my bed. 

Where are you? 

Why aren’t you here?

What happened?

Was this really just a dream?

There is too much space without you.

Too much.

I can’t

breath 

But still

You are gone.

Because it was me who left.

Because there was nowhere to stay.

Because we couldn’t fix our worlds once again.

Maybe it was me who left.

But it was you who didn’t said a word.

Not even goodbye.

A farewell does not always feel like one

It can wear a mask of a new beginning, a new chapter

“Let's stay friends”

I am fine with that

as long as I can keep your ghost next to me

as long as I can hear your voice 

as long as I can keep your heart

as long as you can keep mine

Look at me

Look at me, with the eyes I used to see myself in

Look at me, don’t you feel anything? 

Nothing at all?

No

A lie I tell you

to hide my feelings, my desires

to hide me from you

I am floating in the lake of love

I created with my missing tears

With you

time seems to be

half of an existence

In the beginning it passes quickly

Not even noticeable

And then infinity

When did "I love you"s  lost their worth? They are no longer a promise of feelings but rather a confirm of enjoyment they are the life we dream of but not the dream we live they are the desire we hope for but not the passion we find they are a lie we replace with the truth but not the truth we see in each other we love to live a lie because it is so much easier then to go outside again and find someone where “I love you” is more than a construct against the loneliness

It is insane how intense I feel  your skin on mine even after you left I feel your hands which grab me tight and close  like it wasn't your phantom which drives his fingers over my body 

How all the water in the world isn’t enough to clean my skin from your touches which imprinted on my body and cover me with paintings I could never draw on my own