Your Heart Is A Muscle The Size Of A Rat

The best crochet creation

I think more people need to play around with Damian's speech. Don't get me wrong, I love the antiquated Victorian child style of speech, but also he's a teenager that swears plenty in the comics. We really need more scenes like:

Damian: Father, I regret to inform you that I have been assigned in-school suspension for the next three days.

Bruce: What, why?!

Damian: My classmate Kevin was disparaging a female classmate for turning him down, so I called him 'a rizz-less, basic-ass neckbeard bitch' and said I was going to fuck his mom and give her a son she'd actually love.

Bruce: *is completely speechless*

Damian: That is all I needed to tell you. If you will excuse me, I have homework to complete before dinner and patrol.

Part 1

People liked the previous comic so here's part 2 of Leo experiencing the horrors of aging... and the horrors of just being a hairless reptile I guess

Also Big Leo finally figured out how to just tune Little Leo out, good for him.

"Stop saying 15 year olds with weird interests are cringe, they're 15" this is true however you should also stop saying adults with weird interests are cringe because who gives a shit

how is it mario day and no one posted the essay

Oh my fucking God I'm dying!

Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .

Jason: Hi!

Danny: Good evening

Jason: Oh um, yes, good evening. Do you eat to survive?

Danny: What?

Jason: Ha ha ha! I'm joking! Of course you eat, um I eat too! But why?

Danny: I don't-what are you asking me?

Jason: Gotham is beautiful at night! It's when I eat!

Danny: Are you a-

Dick appearing out of nowhere: Hey there, Jay. You wandered off while I was getting us water. Sorry about him. He's very drunk. I'll take him home to sleep it off.

Danny: *Grabbing Jason's writ* Do you know him?

Jason: Yes, he's my brother. See, that's my family. *Shows lock screen of family* I have many siblings, which means I would be totally fine with lots of kids!

Danny: *Let's go* Oh good. Sorry if he's really that drunk I didn't want him going home with a stranger. No offense

Dick: None taken. I appreciate men like you who keep everyone safe. Come along Jay, let's get you home.

Jason: But-

Dick: You asked me to step in when you were going out of control. Remember?

Jason: Right yes. Ugh Bye.

Danny: Goodbye.

Dick outside of bar: That was terrible. You really do suck at flirting.

Jason: I just froze up! Ugh I hope he doesn't think I'm a idiot.

Danny watching them through the window: That's a vampire pretending to be human. I can smell the undead on him and he was going to lure me to a dark alley if his human servant hadn't stepped in.

Jazz: I was gone for like five minutes Danny, how did you find a creature of the night within that time?

Danny: It's a gift. Thankfully, I'm too smart to be tricked by a vampire.

Jazz: ......you would have followed him into the alley wouldn't you?

Danny: He may be a blood sucker but did you see his muscles? What a way to die.

I recently found out why my mom would never sleep around me when I was a kid. Like she’d never let herself take naps or sleep if I was awake, ever. Or if she did, she would lock her bedroom door. So when I was 6, I was asleep in my bed in the middle of the night when I hear a loud bang, like a pot being dropped and come out to the living room to see my mom standing by the window, with just a huge pile of spaghetti all over the sill, and a pot on the ground, and I ’m like “Are you gonna eat all that?” And ya’ll she get’s BIG MAD and yells at me and chases me to my room but then a little while later a bunch of cops show up and ask me a bunch of random ass questions about my art? Like this one cop lady keeps asking me to draw dragons for her?! And they seem mad as hell

I didn’t want to get arrested so I just never asked my mom for spaghettis after that. Lesson, learned. Don’t ask mom for spaghettis or she’ll call the damn police on you. 

So I have this memory in my head, and it goes unquestioned until I say it outload for the first time a few months back and as soon as I say the words “When I was six, my mom called the cops on me for asking for spaghettis” My adult logic slams into place and is like “Hang on. Your mother definatly did not call the police on a 6 year old for asking for spaghetti.” 

So obviously that’s not what really went down. I call up my mom to tell her how I remember it and on top of her figuring out why her kid has always been really cagey around spaghettis for the last 3 decades she tells me what really happened. 

So on that night, a man tried to break into our house through the front window. It was just my mom, and her kids so she did what she felt she had too and shot him in the head. He’d been wearing a helmet, which landed on the floor under the window.

Now I just want ya’ll to put yourselves in my moms shoes for a minute here. This woman has just taken a human life. The trauma of that- the instant agony, the panic, the guilt, the fear- all of it hitting her at once, her only solace the knowledge that her children are safe. She protected her daughters. No matter the cost to her soul- her children are safe.

Then she looks up and sees her six year old staring at the inside of this mans head before saying “Are you gonna eat all that?”