🎶I Still Remember The Third Of December, Me In Your Sweater

Eiji lost his found family as quickly as he found it.

Goodnight.

big brother ash

the face eiji made here was so painful, it reminded me of another time he made it

so i was rewatching banana fish because i was getting a close online friend to watch it for her first time (this is ur sign to make ur besties suffer too if u havent already :>) and while watching episode 13, i got a better look at this pained expression eiji made..

in this scene, he was having an inner dialogue addressed to ash, where he speaks of the nightmares ash suffers through and how he pretends not to notice them and in this shot we see an example of it. eiji's back is turned to ash so that he can't see eiji's face or tell that he's awake. he then wonders to himself what ash dreamt of that had him so distressed at night. this is pretty cut-and-dry and there's nothing really to discuss here that hasn't been talked about already but i have such great appreciation for this show because the look on eiji's face here reminded me of a different face he made in episode 22:

something atrocious just happened to ash and eiji can tell immediately upon seeing the way he was acting when finally away from the commotion of gunfire. and while eiji hasn't gone through the things ash has gone through, hasn't witnessed them directly or even had knowledge of just how disgusting people could be up until recently, he looks at ash's current state, looks at how shaken up and afraid he is, and he looks so angry.

i know a lot of people (not the majority but definitely some) have a kind of reaction to this scene of frustration towards eiji for not being angry or "showing" his anger. they get mad at him for not saying anything or turning to violence or thinking of vengeance. and i think that reaction, while understandable, is not necessary here and would have ruined the weight of a scene like this, especially in the context of such a graphic crime like rape. even if he did have the reaction those people watching wanted, its not like he can deliver on it at all.

what he felt then was an intense anger, seething quietly but still present, towards the world. towards foxx. towards every adult in ash's life that didn't help or intervene or protect him through the hell ash was going through. and yet it already happened. bloodshed or blind fury wouldn't undo it, all it would do is add to ash's baggage and nobody wants that. realistically, he only had one thing that he could give to ash and it was the one thing ash needed most. he needed all his swaying pieces to be held together and no amount of outrage will ever have the same impact as that moment of silence where eiji held him in his arms.

those same things eiji wonders whether ash dreams of them are the things he witnessed ash walk away from during that moment of vulnerability. his exploitation. if it weren't for the greed of men, ash would not have had those nightmares, and that's why eiji had that same look on his face when hearing ash wake up from one. he knew that no matter what the nightmare was, it had something to do with the way he's either neglected or used and abused by adults all the time

god this show hurts. he probably wanted to do so much more in that moment yet all he could do was hold ash in his arms

“we’ll never have sex” by Leith ross

Eiji after Ash's death being told over and over by everyone that Ash died to protect him, but Eiji hoping to god that it isn't true, hoping that Ash finally finally understood that Eiji did love him, that Ash's death would hurt Eiji, and hoping that Ash decided, for once, to be selfish. That he knew it would hurt Eiji, but still decided to die because it was what he wanted. Eiji hoping -- praying -- that Ash didn't die for Eiji, but died for himself.

Eiji telling himself (because he has to believe it, for his own sake) that maybe, just maybe, Ash's last act was his most selfish.

Because God knows Ash deserved to be selfish for once.

ash lynx my boy👏

i’ve wanted to do smth like this for a while and finally got around to it

Preorders are over, so I can post my entire Banana Fish draw for:

💝 Beat of my Heart! 💝

A Shojo Poster Collection!

PDFs and some spare copies still available here http://sibzine.storenvy.com

Some art I made for a Banana Fish fanbook back in 2019. Mainly based of the manga's design cause I just love the art so much <3

Digital copy now available on Ko-Fi