I Don’t Think Anyone Actually Cares About Me, I Wish Someone Did. I Wish Things Could Just Be Enough,

tonight the black hole where my heart is supposed to be feels as if it will eat me alive.

made it 2/3 of the way through my therapy workbook. taking these broken wings and learning to fly, slowly but surely.

i also miss this girl who i loved with my absolute everything i had in me but i can’t ever write about her, the loss is too much, the gap between us feels too big,, i don’t know where to start with her- i never did. but Gods above that doesn’t mean that i don’t miss her often. i tried reaching out first but idk, don’t have the confidence to try again. i got angry with her recently due to my idiot boyfriend not explaining a situation well, and i always having a worse bark than my bite.

she was more than all the moons and stars in the universe, how could i ever not miss her? my absolute other half, twin flame, soulmate, my person.

8.7.24 excerpt-

“and a large part of me is dead too, lying there with your ashes in the mahogany box”

did i sit and stay,

like a good dog?

just how you asked?

my teeth bared,

so you’d mistake,

a grimace for a smile?

missing you michael, i want to reach out to tell you i still cared so deeply for you. but i can’t, you don’t want that. so i won’t. just know that i miss you and that i’m sorry my emotions run so deep.

i wish i wasn’t like this. i’m sorry that i cant stop missing you. i wish you gave me a chance to make things right.

kinda tired fighting for a life i don’t even want

Had a session about why closure is hard today, both because of him and because of me. Wrote another goodbye letter. I can't bring myself to post most of it but here was the ending. A proof of existence if you will.

i miss you. i love you. i want you here and it hurts that you aren't.