School And Life Is So Draining, I Just Don’t Even Have The Energy To Write Out My Emotions. I’m Just

Maybe in another life I can be gentle. Maybe there my soul is kind.

bpd is a bitch.

i forgot how fucking delulu i get over this specific person. i need to just be fucking shot.

wish i could see luc like i used to,, they put me on too many meds and now he’s just a voice in my head sometimes. like??? give me my friend back???? pls n thanks????

holding back tears in the parking lot of the community college because my mom called to tell me that my sister told college recruiters i was her hero.

taking the years of abuse for her wasn’t for nothing :’)

Ευσέβεια, Efsevia. Piety. Showing honor and veneration to the gods and daimones, praising them and thanking them for what they do. Living a pious life.

Συγγένεια. Syngeneia. Kinship. It is through the city gods and gods of the Oikos (home, community) that we have friends, family, and neighbors. Honor the good men amongst them, bring protection and support to them, and be good to them.

Δικαιοσύνη. Dikaiosyne. Justice. Ruled by mighty Titan Themis, Justice is respecting the laws of nature, the gods, and the land. Without Justice, Law, and Order, we have Injustice, Impiety, and Chaos.

Ευδαιμονία. Evdaimonia. Happiness. Happiness is the gift of the bacchic gods Dionysos and many others, the kindly gods. Through good health and practices and piety and Justice and kinship, we find joy in our lives.

Αρετή. Aretē. Excellence and Virtue. To neglect the potential of excellence is to neglect the theurgical sciences the gods have given us. Do your best to self-better and become stronger and healthy as to be excellent for the gods.

Ξένια. Xenia. Hospitality. The highest and most honored tenet of our religion and the forefathers and he Zeus Xenios the hospitable. Welcoming Xenos, foreigners, in culture, tongue, religion, affiliation, into our life and practices and cities is the highest honor of Zeus Xenios and Athena Pallas of the City.

Χάρης. Kharis. Reciprocity and Favor. The gods and daimones give when we give and we give so they give. Honor the gods and cal to them in times of want and need, give good offerings and libations and praise them so they may speak your name and wishes.

Μέτρον. Metron. Moderation. No things In excess for they poison the mind, body, and soul. Practice moderation in exercise, consumption, alcohol, health, sciences, and arts and all other things.

Κάθαρσης. Katharsis. Purity. To pray to the gods impure and pour libations of sweet wine to them, they will not hear your prayers but spit them back at you. Never disrespect the gods with the impurities of daily life and miasma.

Σοφία. Sophia. Wisdom. Be wise in all things and trust Athena the wise to guide you, Apollon the light to shine the way for you, Hekate the torch bearer to make the dark to be walkable, and Hermes the guide to lead you to good things.

there’s a lot of things that i wish people saw about me but don’t. i wish people saw past my few episodes where i succumb to my symptoms. i wish people saw just how much i want to be good, to not be the way i feel i was cursed to be. i wish people saw that i pray for random people on tiktok going through hard things, and bawl my eyes out every time something sad hits my fyp. i wish people saw that i love stories and storytelling to get me through all that i’ve gone through. i wish people saw me as kind and caring and gentle and beautiful. i wish people saw how hard i try, in all aspects of my life. i wish people saw me in any way other than this horrible, mentally ill, unfeeling monster. i wish i wish i wish.

tonight the black hole where my heart is supposed to be feels as if it will eat me alive.

i wish the gods could fix me. i hate being this way.

8.21.23 - Second First Day (excerpt) I wonder how life would be different if he was just a little nicer when I was a kid. I tend to think about this a lot. I wonder how he can even bear looking at me, how he does not realize the extent of his damage- how he ruined a everything for me. I wonder a lot of things about him, fully knowing that I will never get any answers.