How Often Do I Have To Convey Myself That I Am Not A Monster?

i watched them strip their clothes,

revealing their bare skin.

they look down, then at me.

i see how their eyes yearn and beg.

they turn to their side and suck it in,

all until there was only a thin line.

but this line was still too thick.

it always would be.

they try again and again,

staring at me intensely each and every time.

their eyes.. desperate for something,

anything.

their hands caressed their soft skin,

it moved around and so does their flesh.

every movement mimicked its own.

and that’s when it happened.

when they hunched over,

their body vibrating with sorrow.

they look up at me, their eyes tinted crimson.

their eyes bleeding colorless blood.

“i hate you.”

they whisper.

that’s all they ever say.

they clenched their fist, but i wasn’t scared.

i knew they wouldn’t punch me,

they never did.

their hand fell onto mine,

our fingertips connecting,

and for a split second i knew how it felt to feel.

they break away, still staring at me,

and says those three familar words.

each time they got louder,

each time they meant it more,

each time it hurt less.

i watched as they resented my every being.

how their tears carved canyons in their cheeks.

how their eyes reddened with woe.

how their teeth clashed in frustration.

i felt pity for them,

i wanted to hug them, wrap them in my warmth.

maybe then they wouldn’t be so… cold.

i wish i could tell them how much i love them,

to give them the love they deserve,

to let them know that i was always here.

but i know i’ll never be able to,

after all.. i’m only a mirror.

i filled poison in my veins,

i choked all my screams,

did everything i could,

so that you, my love,

will never realise the things that run through my head.

so wild. and chaotic.

I don't know .i swear i don't.

— Virginia Woolf

i tried so hard

to keep her away

from the darkness

but

turns out

hard isn't good enough.

Aaaah

heartstopper s3 date announcement ft. the comic

I don't believe in god.

Nor in fate.

But I need to know.

If we will ever, like ever cross paths again.

Will I atleast get to say goodbye ?

I haven’t told anyone. But I am really tired. I am lonely and really exhausted. I don't have bad days or good days anymore. They all just feel the same. Sometimes when I lay in bed, I imagine these black clouds so huge, they would swallow me. Some other times, it feels as though my skin is infected with millions of parasites. I am scared. I can’t talk. I can’t talk.

Happy New Year world!!!!

Cheers to a new year filled with love, passion and creativity.

Cheers to making friends and striving forward till the end of the world.

Cheers to working out and writing more.

Cheers to loving and helping all kinds.

Cheers to saving one more life by any means.

Cheers to mistakes that are gonna shape us.

Cheers to adulthood and challenges.

Cheers to everything.

Cheers to 2025 !

I don't know .i swear i don't.

— Virginia Woolf