God Why Do I Worry About What People Think Of Me

[CH. 01] "MIDORIYA IZUKU: ORIGIN"

VS

[CH. 285] "BAKUGO KATSUKI: RISING"

The birds here call like they know something I don’t. Tried to talk back but I’ve forgotten their language. Dug in the dirt. Wrote 3000 words but only one felt like it mattered.

05/08/2025

hello. you left a neon pink post-it with pgs 194-359 due 9/12 in the book, by the way. it is now May 23rd and the library's printer is running out of ink. it jammed and tore my passport application. one of the librarians dutifully blacked out all my information (front and back!) before proceeding to use every unmarred inch as scrap paper.

i think maybe our (plural, inclusive) lives are connected. all of them. i have been thinking a lot about borrowing. about how people move through the world in waves, filling in the same spaces. i have probably stood on the same subway platform as you. we held the same book. all of us stand in the same line at the grocery, at the gas station. how many feet have stood washing dishes in my kitchen?

i hope you are doing well. the pen you used was a nice red, maybe a glitter pen? you have loopy, curling handwriting. i sometimes wonder if it is true that you can tell a personality by the shape of our letters. i'm borrowing my brother's car. he's got scrangly engineer handwriting (you know the one). it's a yellow-orange ford mustang boss. when i got out of the building, some kids were posing with it for a selfie. i felt a little bird grow in me and had to pause and pretend to be busy with my phone to give them more time for their laughing.

i have a habit of asking people what's the last good book you read? the librarian's handwriting on the back of my smeared-and-chewed passport application says the glass house in small undercase. i usually go for fantasy/sci fi, but she was glowing when she suggested it. i found your post-it on page 26, so i really hope you didn't have to read up to 359 in that particular book. i hope you're like me and just have a weird "random piece of trash" "bookmark" that somehow makes it through like, 58 books.

i wish the concept of soul mates was bigger. i wish it was about how my soul and your soul are reading the same work. how i actually put down that book at the same time you did - page 26 was like, all exposition. i wish we were soul mates with every person on the same train. how magical to exist and borrow the same space together. i like the idea that somewhere, someone is using the shirts i donated. i like the idea that every time i see a nice view and say oh gosh look at the view, you (plural, inclusive) said that too.

the kids hollered when i beeped the car. oh dude you set off the alarm, oh shit is she - dude that's her car!! one was extremely polite. "i like your car, Miss. i'm sorry we touched it." i said i wasn't busy, finish up the pictures. i folded your post-it into a paper crane while i waited. i thought about how my brother's a kind person but his handwriting looks angry. i thought about how for an entire year i drove someone to work every day - and i didn't even think to ask for gas money. my handwriting is straight capital letters.

i thought about how i can make a paper crane because i was taught by someone who was taught by someone else.

the kids asked me to rev the engine and you know i did. the way they reacted? you would have thought i brought the sun from the sky and poured it into a waterglass. i went home smiling about it. i later gave your post it-turned-bird to a tiny child on the bus. she put it in her mouth immediately.

how easy, standing in your shadow, casting my own. how our hands pass over each other in the same minor folds. i wonder how many of the same books you and i have read. i wonder how many people have the same favorite six songs or have been in the same restaurant or have attended the same movie premier. the other day i mentioned the Book Mill from a small town in western massachusetts - a lot of people knew of it. i wonder if i've ever passed you - and didn't even notice it.

i hope whatever i leave behind makes you happy. i hope my hands only leave gentle prints. i hope you and i get the same feeling when the sun comes out. soulmates across all of it.

unprofessional thoughts

I'm already human and dont call me Detroit

shoutout to people who find mother’s day hard to deal with whether your mom left, your mom died, your mom is abusive, your mom is hard to connect with, you don’t get to see her, etc. get through today as best you can. love you.

oh, i am finally old enough to know why my parents took so long to grab their coats. why they would ask us to get ready to go only to sit down for another round of coffee. what would i tell myself, at 10 years old? it’s okay. sit down with them too. take in the extra hour with your friend and her family. when you get home, write down every moment in your diary. one day you will be older and you will be waving goodbye to your best friend, and you will turn the key to start your beat up little car engine, and you will look back over your shoulder. her hair will be blowing in the wind and she will be beautiful and you will be, for a moment, struck by all of it. what you will feel is so wide and nameless that it will engulf you. and you will think of being 14 and kicking her under the table in math every time you wanted to whisper something behind the teacher’s back. you will think about how long the days felt, and how you could hold her hand whenever you wished, but you didn’t. and you will think about all of the people you could have lingered with. and you will wish, more than you have ever felt a wish, that the universe just gave you that - more time to linger. more time to say - i love you. i know i need to leave, but i don’t want to leave you. and when i go, i am leaving a piece of my heart that lingers too. 

one more round of coffee. the days are so short, and you are so lovely.

Rain in the distance.

I have a small grudge against All Might

Before anyone comes after me, I do NOT hate him. I actually love his character and appreciate All Might very much. I just hold a small grudge against him, and probably always will. I’m sorry if any of this offends anyone.

In my opinion, All might is kind of a dick and can be socially inept sometimes and end up saying something hurtful because he doesn’t know how much of an impact his words can have on a person as the number one hero. He is just so fucking oblivious to how people feel, how his words can impact, and how people started out.

I’ll only name a few examples of this because i don’t have much time

First off, when All Might and Izuku had that conversation on the roof in the beginning of season 1, He just left Izuku on the fucking roof alone. he left Izuku there alone right after he crushed Izu’s dreams. I get it, All might was in a rush and was running out of his hero time and I know he didn’t know Izuku was suicide baited probably less than an hour ago but still. He knew Izu was quirkless. He knows what being quirkless feels like because he was at one point himself. And I know that there were more quirkless kids when All Might was Izuku’s age but kids are mean. Society is mean. All Might probably got ridiculed, I wouldn’t be surprised. With that, All Might does know that there are a lot less quirkless kids in Izuku’s generation. All Might should have realized Izuku has been through shit the moment he said he was quirkless. He shouldn’t have left Izuku or anyone for that matter on a roof alone after crushing their dreams.

Also, That’s just fucking biased as shit for people, not just All Might but society in general, to think a quirkless person can’t become a hero.

And then, later, When All Might comes back to tell Izuku that he can be a hero, he doesn’t fucking apologize to Izuku. That is not okay. You don’t just crush someone’s dreams, just to turn around later that very day to say that their dreams can come true, then on top of that, NOT. EVEN. FUCKING. APOLOGIZE.????? Talk about a dick move.

And All Might is supposed to be Izuku’s mentor, he knows One For All reacts and works a little differently for each holder (Gran Torino even points this out himself by saying that All Might got the hang of One For All quicker and didn’t break himself too much but that Izuku is having a harder time with it) but All Might acts like things that worked for him and One For All are going to work for Izu and One For All, when that’s not true.

When Izuku got One For All, All Might, and i know he was trying to help, i understand that, pretty much just said go give it a feel. I really do understand that All Might was trying to help but Izuku had no idea what he was doing. He’s never had a quirk before yet he was just given one with no idea how to use it then pushed into battle? 

I have very complicated feelings for All Might because everything above did happen but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t been there and helped Izuku. As far as i know, All Might is the first person to believe in Izuku and give him a chance. This is why I don’t hate All Might because he isn’t a bad person, just does dick-ish things sometimes and is pretty oblivious.

What this really comes down to is that All Might needs to learn how much of an impact his words have on people because he is a pillar of peace that could make or break someone.

What if Izuku became a villain or a vigilante in cannon because of what All Might said?

He can’t think that all he needs to do is smile and defeat villains. Words need to be said and they need to be true from the heart, not from the brain. And with that you can’t say one thing and then say the opposite only a few hours later, it’s rude and heart breaking, especially since people look up to him.

I hope All Might one day learns that his words mean a lot to people and I hope he apologizes to Izuku.

i want to go home pls you can take me home now