TW Suicide

Pls temme as a prsn with BPD to belivr ppl when they say Dey not annoyed or Dey enjoyed company, gtta learn trusy

me, doing anything :

my family : what are you doing/why are you doing that/why are you doing that right now/do you have to do that/don't do that

me, eating something :

my family : what are you eating/why are you eating it now/do you have to eat that/why did you not ask us before finishing it, you're so selfish/don't do that

me, unable to do simple things without asking for permission because I want to avoid being questioned and criticised :

my family : why do you ask us everything, you should make your own decisions and be independent, you shouldn't be asking permission for such silly things

me : 👁️ 👄 👁️

8 t hink I need helpProfessional jelp

And not just my this therapist vaala help

Because sometimes I scare myself a

Nd I know I tell you still

Stuff

But trust me

What's going in my brain is so much worse than the stuff I tell you

The reason why I tell you so much in the first place is cause there so much more and if I didn't tell you the bare minimum I'd go out of my mind

And I need hekp

Please

I just want someone to be soft with me and cuddle me and call me baby, is that too much to ask for :')

Sleep schedule - when talking to therapist about it - I said she knows she said I'm getting enough sleep so okay - your therapist is stupid then - good thing she's not yours then - proper vitamin d what's the point of great mental health 40 years from now when your body can't absorb stuff properly - many people share my sleep schedule

I DON'T CARE I DON'T FUCKING CARE I DON'T FUCKING KNOW IF I'LL BE ALIVE IN 40 YEARS

I've been sleeping earlier but now that he's telling me to it's like added pressure and I'm not gonna, like fuck, why can't people just leave me alone. It's like he was waiting till he could finally switch to advjcing me

I've been wearing sleeveless and revealing clothes recently cause my self confidence/body confidence is at an all time high, and I noticed something...

Rupa aunty (our warden) has started treating me differently, after she saw me wear revealing/"provacative" clothes outside; there was this girl who was super friendly - she's in the opposite room on our floor - and would smile at me, but once I showed off my boob tattoo to a few other friends of mine, when she was around, she started acting more cold towards me; a few days ago, I went out with Anushka and Traidha, and I was asking auto Chetans if they'd go (I was wearing a tight camisole, but a plaid shirt over it tho) - the first TWO people I asked looked me up and down, gave me really nasty looks and told me quite rudely that they don't know the way and they can't go.

Plus, I've had to face slut shaming - kind of slut shaming - from my family too, so yeah.

And I'm not letting it affect me or anything, I swear, I was just noticing all that and I never realised how such a small thing could change the attitude of people so fast.

I know some people think they have the freedom to start discussions about anything and everything and treat matters as a fun topic to debate over and then reach a "to each their own" or "let's let it go now" point, but when you do that about matters which affect people's rights, or which personally affect people (such as queer rights/queerphobia, mental illnesses, sexism etcetc) - you have to realise that what you're utilising isn't your freedom of speech or your right to say whatever you want without giving two shits about the consequences or how it impacts the people who face it/go through it personally, what you're utilizing is your fucking audacity and tone deaf bigotry to be offensive, hurtful, ignorant and discriminatory.

And if your "debate partner" is somebody who goes through the issue personally, faces the stigma and prejudice you seem to treat as a fun argument personally, and thus can't make proper refutes or comebacks or keep calm, it's not on them, it's not fucking on them - it's on you for being a piece of shit asshole who thinks they're free to say and do whatever you want. You may have freedom of speech, but freedom of speech doesn't include hate speech, discriminatory speech or stigmatising speech. Fuck you.

List of movies I want to watch but cannot find ANYWHERE

Billy Elliott

Vita and Virginia

Looking for Langston

Rafiki

cishets™ : why do you have to make everything gay

me : we don't make everything gay, y'all made everything straight when you decided to close your eyes to how queer history actually was, and enforce heteronormativity and cissexism to such an extent that pointing out how un-cishet things actually were seems to you as if we're making everything gay, when in fact things were always already pretty much gay and you were just too bigoted to see it

the way i would give up my life and my soul and my entire being for Samira Wiley should be a little concerning-