WOW, Oh Wow Ow Wow Wow And Ouch! This Is Wonderful,another Absolute Banger From You! His Two Contradictory

WOW, oh wow ow wow wow and ouch! This is wonderful,another absolute banger from you! His two contradictory feelings! His fantasy of death and how belos would react, of hurting himself or being killed?! The mix of hate and desperate want for approval?!! God you write such good monologues! W o w. By the conclusion, I can only imagine Amity is in for an absolute shitshow.

Here’s a little oneshot wip(?) for @pincushionx, who inspired me to write a little BPD Hunter character study that takes place during Eclipse Lake

TW: violence, rage, swearing, suicidal ideation, self-harm ideation

There’s no point anymore. Hunter’s done for. This was his chance to prove himself to his uncle, and he blew it.

A wave of despair washes heavy over his body as he falls to his knees. When he doubles over, the dirt is cold under his gloved fingertips, and he can barely breathe over the weight on his shoulders and the sudden, pooling rage in his stomach.

The all-consuming sensations flooding in urge him to scream, fight, and destroy everything in his vicinity just as much as they make him want to throw himself off of a cliff and smack his head against every rock on the way down.

Either reality melts a bit, viscous and toxic, or something’s shifted sideways, pixelated and fuzzy; he’s not sure which, but he does know that he’s filled with the inescapable awareness that everything is wrong. His entire world isn’t right anymore, now that he’s failed, and all he wants is for everything to stop.

He wants this rabid animal under his skin to shred his body to pieces until he’s nothing more than mutilated flesh left behind in the dirt. He wants to make his shameful face so unrecognizable that no one will ever figure out what happened to the boy behind the mask. He wants this world to move on without him, and he wants to pretend he never dared to disgrace it with his presence in the first place.

He wants to die.

He wants to die, die, die.

He pictures himself grabbing his go-to knife in his nightstand and slashing wild gashes into his thighs. He thinks about how good it would feel. How maybe, if he wasn’t such a coward, he could dig deeper and deeper until he’s lightheaded from blood loss. How maybe, if he did a good enough job, he’d bleed out on the floor and never have to face his uncle’s disappointment first-hand. How one minute, he could be there, and the next, he could be gone, leaving behind only a husk for no one but his Uncle to mourn.

The thought of Belos finding him murdered by his own hands sends a bolt of thill through his body. He can't help but fantasize about it. Belos would walk into Hunter’s room, gasp in shock at the state of his poor, beloved nephew, and try to revive him. He would watch in distress as the healers try to revive him, to no avail. When there’d be truly nothing left for Belos to do to fix his mistakes, he would feel so bad about just how much anguish he put his poor guard through. He would look back fondly on all the ways Hunter had helped him over the years and bury his nephew with guilt-ridden tears streaming down his cheeks. He would be so, so sorry, and Hunter could rest in peace knowing that he’d at least be loved unconditionally in death.

Or not.

Hunter lets out an anguished whine as he tangles his fingers in his hair and pulls.

He’s only deluding himself, isn’t he?

When has Belos ever felt bad about anything when it comes to hurting Hunter? When has Belos ever wiped away Hunter’s tears without mocking him, or acknowledged Hunter’s efforts without some kind of ridicule undermining the entire whisp of praise? When has Belos ever said the simple promise of “I love you” without it having to be a reward to chase after?

Hunter understands why Uncle is so harsh. Hunter knows that Belos only wants the best for him. He wants to train Hunter well enough that Hunter will be able to survive in a world without having innate magic. Uncle’s reserving this special position just for Hunter so that the teen won’t grow up without employment. He provides Hunter with the best instructors and the best artificial staff so that Hunter can make up for his deficits. Yet despite the accommodations, Hunter spits in Belos’s face with his failures every single time.

Hunter tries so fucking hard, and for what? Nothing he does ever matters. Hunter always just takes, takes, takes, from Belos, and nothing he brings back from missions is ever enough to buy Belos’s kindness for more than a day. Hunter was born wrong; he knows he needs to earn the right to live, but he wishes it wasn’t so soul-crushing to bear the curse of an unruly body like this.

If Hunter was just good enough effortlessly, Uncle would love him more, but unfortunately, Hunter eventually has to fuck it all up. His heart always has to drop every time his Uncle sighs heavily in his direction.

It’s not fair.

He sounds like a child, he knows, and he hates himself for it, but it’s not fair.

Dirt gathers under his gloves as he scrunches his fingers to curl into fists. A revelation boils under his skin so hot and vapid that it can’t help but change the tide of rage. He grabs a handful of dirt and screams as he pelts it across the empty lake.

He hates his Uncle.

He hates him so much.

How dare the man string Hunter along like this? If he knew that Hunter was such a fuck-up from the start, why did he even give Hunter the time of day? Why did he breathe false hope into Hunter by saying that Hunter could ever truly achieve anything worthwhile?

Surely he had to have known this would happen. Surely he had to have known that Hunter would never be good enough. Hunter should have been killed from the start, and he hates Belos for treating him with the cruel mercy of of an unearned life.

Hunter’s not sure when he’d started sobbing.

He untangles his knees from the dirt and repositions himself to sit on his bottom with his knees pulled to his chest. From this position, he can wrap his arms around his legs and scratch his forearms as hard as he possibly can.

The sting of pain isn’t enough. He wants to flay the meat of his arms open and cause as much damage as possible. Sadly, gouging welts into ins skin with his hands isn’t as productive. There’s no way he can cut anywhere near as deep without a knife.

He looks around through blurry tears and comes to a decision. He’s already here. The Blight girl should be arriving anytime soon. If he’s lucky, she’ll be kind enough to kill him. That would be much easier than dragging himself back to the castle to do the job himself. He’s quite tired from this whole pointless endeavor, anyway. It would be good for her, too—she seems to hate his guts.

He loves a fair trade.

With a cautious serenity lifting the haze of negativity ever so slightly, he unclenches his fists and puts his hands to work, just like his Uncle likes.

It wouldn’t be fair to make the Blight girl dig his grave, too.

Tags

toh hunter toh character study writing stuff tw self harn reblog stuff thank you for tagging me! violence tw omg this good this i s unhinged wow

More Posts from Pincushionx and Others

pincushionx

5 months ago

In terms of the belos saying "I love you" I feel like he said it once and exactly once, and it was the day he was sworn in as the guard but he didn't mean it to Hunter, he meant it to the mask, this was done so that Hunter would only want to be the guard

OUCH

Belos saying “I love you” but only to the symbol and Hunter mistaking it for him. How happy Hunter would be at the words while Belos doesn’t even acknowledge it.

To me, I never saw Belos saying “ I love you.” He only ever loved the idea of the Golden Guard or the perfect replacement but never actually loved it in execution if you get what I mean. He seems more like the type to say “The Titan blessed me with a nephew.” or “appreciate your presence” or some flowery crap like that.

In the drawing it was Hunter grabbing onto Belos and saying “I love you” because the poor child is desperate and exhausted while Belos stands there surprised and doesn’t hug him back.

Though now I’m imagining a BoJack Horseman ICU moment where Hunter is talking to his friends and realizes Belos never said “I love you” to him but to the mask.

Tags

the owl house toh hunter toh emperor belos toh belos my asks

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pincushionx

6 months ago

Based Off Of @a-concert-just-for-me Post About Hunter Having Open Wounds

Based off of @a-concert-just-for-me post about Hunter having open wounds

Like omg get my boy medical attention now.

Tags

my art the owl house toh hunter toh toh hunter the owl house hunter hunter the owl house hunter the golden guard my shitposts cw wounds cw infection

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pincushionx

1 year ago

Extra digital circus sketches + oc

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my art art digital art the amazing digital circus digital circus pomni tadc pomni tadc fanart the amazing digital circus pomni tadc tadc kinger tadc ragatha tadc oc

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pincushionx

4 months ago

Omg this is great! Your dog is so cute and silly!! Hunter’s expression too!

@pincushionx I did it >:]

Meet Lucy Van Pelt! she’s very quirky :3 ⬇️

Tags

the owl house dog toh hunter reblog stuff getting a sense she’s a lil destructive lol Hunter with animals my beloved!

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pincushionx

1 year ago

Some Doodles From Right After Hollow Mind That I Forgot To Post!!! Aaa

Some doodles from right after hollow mind that I forgot to post!!! Aaa

Tags

not my art

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pincushionx

6 months ago

Hey I think I asked you about your Detroit become human au before a bit ago but I love the idea so much! I know you’re super busy but if you can I would love to see more about it!

Sorry for asking about it again I’m just really interested in it. 😭🙏

No please don't be sorry I love to talk about it whenever I'm not creatively bankrupt!! I'm just sorry it took so long for me to actually think of new stuff to add

I had some of these doodles already prepared but never really finished them up until I came up with a cute little idea

I didn't think of where to put in Flapjack until I remembered that android animals existed, and then I had a brain blast moment where I realized that Hunter can still talk to Flapjack! They are little android buddies, they can interface and talk and be friends!! I think it would also help to make him feel a bit more comfortable with his identity as an android to be able to have his little buddy to have fun private conversations with. Camila introduces them (maybe he had gotten hurt by a previous owner and she found him and let Gus fix him up) and Hunter is a bit tentative about it at first, but Flapjack is adorable and sweet and quickly wins him over

Hey I Think I Asked You About Your Detroit Become Human Au Before A Bit Ago But I Love The Idea So Much!

I just now had the idea that Gus, since he's super into android stuff, would probably be a big resource for software and hardware difficulties. Oh, you fell and your arm is working kinda wonky? Call up Gus, he'll crack you open and take a look. The dude doesn't mind in the least, he freaking LOVES going down mechanical and coding rabbit holes to better understand how androids work. I like to think that if Hunter ever got hurt and chose not to accept help because of body/species dysphoria, Gus would be a really good resource for him to try and feel as normal as possible while he's getting fixed. Gus is his brother and he loves him and they're just good to each other okay? Gus would probably crack some jokes or something to get Hunter's mind off it, or infodump about android organs or something (and Hunter would be begrudgingly interested because they are nerds, and Hunter is interested in androids too underneath all the problems he has with deviancy. Like dude they're robots, what's not to love?)

Also some Gus being so over Hunter's "androids can't feel love" phase featuring Vee and Masha being very adorable and very obviously in love :) Hunter is a very silly stupid man. He will find any way to make literally everyone exempt from the terrible rules Philip fed him, except for himself

I'm trying to think of a potential situation that would parallel Hunter's possession, and I think it would probably be basically the same thing that happens in Connor's deviant path (when he deviates and joins the revolution as an ally) where Amanda (a separate AI in his programming that's basically how CyberLife keeps him in check) takes over Connor's programming last minute to try and put a stop to the revolution.

So my current thought is that Philip is basically using Hunter as a trojan horse. His main programming is to act and believe like he's a normal human but similar to Connor, he's basically a sleeper agent without knowing. I imagine that once Hunter gains access to his software (thanks to Vee and Gus), he starts finding programs and files that are labeled as pretty scary things. He shouldn't have to know the most efficient way to shut an android down or incapacitate a human.

If and when Philip finally goes looking for Hunter and sees the first android he's seen in Gravesfield besides Hunter (aka Vee), he's not going to take that well.

I haven't drawn anything for it but so far I'm thinking that he takes control of Hunter's programming, maybe through some taking advantage of his interfacing system, and locks him in his own head a la Connor and Amanda to sic him after Vee and Flapjack (assuming that Philip's main goal, similar to both canons, is to eradicate deviants). It's likely that his friends will try to apprehend him, Vee or Gus will try (and maybe fail a couple times) to delete the programming while Camila deals with Philip. The guy is old and decrepit and Camila would absolutely whoop his ass with the ease of swatting a fly.

Things will be fine; Vee is all good and they manage to delete whatever programming screwed with Hunter's control, but that kid is going to be HELLA anxious about interfacing again from then on since he's afraid of 1) losing his own control and 2) potentially passing the virus onto someone else. It could go two ways at that point: Hunter could either kill Flapjack since Flapjack is technically a deviant android and therefore a target, or we can be nice and let Flapjack live to help him heal from this brand-new trauma.

So yeah hopefully that sates some curiosity! I'm glad you're interested in it because I honestly really love to think of new stuff whenever my brain decides to work hahaha

Tags

toh art reblog reblog stuff ok I know next to nothing about Detroit becomes Human but I absolutely adore this concept emotionally constipated Hunter my beloved yes child you can love lil android flapjack is so cute! also the twist on the possession is wonderful! does he get his scars like in canon? I can’t imagine turning into a aggressive robot without getting a little scratched up even if it’s not up to the same extent as canon sleeper agent Hunter is great especially unknowingly being one yes Camila beat that old guy up!

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pincushionx

6 months ago

Okay regarding your late redemption au: so I know Hunter did not take a trip into Belos mind. So what does he know regarding all that? Like does he know he is a grimwalker? How much in the dark is this boi?

He is deep in the dark I fear. He discovers it himself when he finds Belos lab or study at some point post kings tide. Belos and Hunter stick together for some time after kings tide so this would be during a little retrieval mission for Belos. He would be denial and shock until he’s forced to confront it all.

Neither of them make it to the human realm.

Im still fleshing the story out so maybe this will change but this is what I got for now

Tags

my asks late redemption Au late redemption Hunter

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pincushionx

1 year ago