The way I see it, there are two kinds of shame:
Shame for doing something actually bad
Shame for doing something others/society has told you is bad
The first includes things that actually cause harm to someone, like a thoughtless comment or stepping on your dog's paw, etc. These are actions which require acknowledgement and amends.
The second is much broader, and includes everything from liking bad movies to being queer. These are things that may be unusual but are ultimately harmless. Someone or something in your life has just treated that oddity as a transgression, and one way or another you've internalized that perspective.
In my opinion it is crucially important for your well-being to be able to separate the two. If you don't, and you're treating the shame of having punched someone identically to liking a critically-panned movie, you're going to be a anxious wreck. You'll be constantly over-analyzing and policing yourself, feeling like a bad person who's just been really good at hiding it so far.
In the worst cases you might lash out at other people enjoying harmless things, redirecting your shame outward and becoming unable to distinguish truly harmful actions from those you’ve just been taught are bad.
Shame is a feeling that can really eat away at you if you let it. It's best to know when it's appropriate. If it is, you can act on it to resolve what's happened. If it's not, you can let that feeling go so it doesn't take any more from you.
I feel that you summarized in a single sentence everything I want to do with my writing, and pretty much what I want to do with my life the most. Thank you so much for that.
And cheers to all people who already do exactly that, and the ones who want to join. Let's have a guild.
My contribution, I hope, is to find the ideas that matter the most and connect them in a way that is highly actionable.
Sure, you know how to self-flagellate, but do you know how to apologize? Saying "I'm a stupid idiot" is not the same thing as saying "I did something wrong."
I finally made the meme I've had in my head for over a year
everyone says join your local mutual aid groups and build community, but uh, what do you do if a lot of them seem to have dissolved and the other ones don't have consistent recurring meetings.
Melanistic manta ray (Mobula ?) [x]
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i think "it takes a village" shouldn't be just "to raise a child". we should understand it takes a village to do literally everything we do. all day every day. without our communities we would not have drinking water or electricity or clean streets or food or shelter or anything. we cannot do any thing alone. we just can't. and with that comes the fact that you are not alone. you already have a community, seek to be an active part of it, you will feel better. reach out and thank them, they're happy to have you too. i promise. it takes a village to live.
Southern resident orcas, also known as the southern resident killer whales (SRKW), are an exclusively fish-eating ecotype of orcas that live in and around the Salish Sea. They differ genetically from transient orcas as well as having different dialects and diets. © Rachel Haight - Orca Network
"the world isn't kind" ok??? Much more importantly are you?????
Sea animals, hopepunk, fantasy, queerness, and a bit of philosophy
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