Maybe It's Because I Was Sick Today, But My Confusion Between A Couple Coworkers Came Out As Racist,

Someone needs to write a story about the Headless Horseman as an undead superhero who always forgets he's missing his head. He'll keep trying to head butt people or whistle for his horse, only to remember that he doesn't have a head. It'd start off with him writing a book about the inconvenience of being headless and follow his misadventures on his quest to find out where it went. All the while, he's battling people who want to take over the world or steal his head. He'll have great, heroic monologues in sign language that only get translated when someone else or the villain happen to know sign language. He also has to hide from everyday people because of the stigma created by the events in the Legend of Sleepy Hollow, which he swears (in sign language) to the authorities are terribly misinterpreted. People try to re-kill him, exorcise him, and capture him, etc. Demons and other undead try to take him back to the underworld. Aliens and super villains keep trying to destroy the planet. All he wants is to find his head and be able to enjoy a beer or two at the bar down the street from his apartment.

Everything I touch breaks. Can't even put together a computer without screwing up. Which is bad because if my other computer goes before this new one works, everything goes the way of the dinosaur. Yes, I'm going to crash a meteor into it all because that's what it deserves.

Parents: Why don't get into a relationship and get married? Me: Because I'm fucking ugly, that's why.

I love pine cones. Stepping on them sounds like the crushing of my enemies' bones.

You know you're a POS when you have zero doubt in your mind that invading another country is okay, and you refuse to hear out anyone that believes it may have been a very poor/internationally immoral choice. Or you are when you are so rife with corruption you don't want to accept responsibility for stealing millions from your country to build yourself a nicer mansion.

I've determined I am incredibly unattractive. Body is one thing; that isn't bad and can be worked on. My face, though. It's not even the skin. Its very structure is horrid. Other people have well-defined features, and mine is just this weird oval that has an uneven jaw, nose, and eyes. For your safety, I can't provide a picture.

I wish there was a job that all I had to do was watch movies, then incorporate well-timed, fitting references into anything that happens around me.

What are you doing to catch it?

Astronomists report the sun no longer wishes to identify as a star and plans to cease all nuclear activity as it transitions into a ball of ice named Comet.