@i-may-be-an-emu

Me: *Reading an angst fic* My speaker: *Starts playing Wannabe by Spice Girls* Me: *Starts straight queer jamming* Character: *Starts having a panic attack* Me: Tell me what'cha want, what'cha really really want-

Reblog if you think polyamorous people are valid

Ostrich "meme" 16

I usually headcanon Ted as being an accountant, or generally working with finances…..

So like, Mike one hundred percent knows how to commit and get away with tax evasion I think And if him and El and Will ever do go to Vegas

I think this would happen:

Mike, staring at the duffel bag of money El and Will were proudly standing in front of: Was all this machines or?

El, making a Eh hand motion: Mostly, but Will is very good at poker too!

Will, beaming: I cheated

Jonathan, on the edge of the hotel bed with his head in his hands: Why is it, every time I watch you alone something happens? We shouldn’t have gone to the buffet and left you to wreak havoc on Vegas

Mike, poking at the money: All in twenty’s?

Will, nodding: Yeah

Mike: Nice, hundreds are suspicious

Jonathan: Youre too damn casual about this, what are we going to do with- how much is this?

El, proudly: Twenty thousand!

Jonathan: TWENTY THOUSAND?!

Will: Give or take, we stopped for Chinese food

Jonathan: I how are we gonna explain all that on our taxes-

Mike clicking his tongue: You’re not, you’re gonna declare an initial two thousand. That’s a bit high for new poker players but it’s not suspicious for Vegas. Sometimes the dealers let random people win to not be called cheaters and get investigated. Then you’re gonna put the money in a bank account, give it six months and then start putting the rest of the money in in small amounts. Make the deposits in the amount of a starting position salary, and forge some pay receipts from something like a mom and pop shop. You know a old fashioned business that doesn’t do payroll-

Jonathan, blinking: Mike, what the fuck?

Mike, pausing and registering the stares he was getting from all the Byers siblings:……Sometimes, if I’m grounded and there’s quite literally nothing else to do. I listen to my father

Buckle your seatbelts Tumblr we're going on a full day writing adventure where i put my grubby little hands on my meat mesh brain's stupid ass word giblets until i have a mildly coherent first draft. Get fuckin ready!

My autistic brother created a new family Christmas tradition

Okay, so last year, my mom bought this Christmas moose that she lovingly named Barry

This is him

Cute, right?

Well, for whatever reason only known to my brother, he decided that he wanted to put Barry in different rooms of our house and it usually scares the shit out of whomever happens upon Barry; usually the person who finds him is the person that my brother wanted to scare.

So far, Barry has been found

On our dining room table

On my dad's side of my parents' bed

In my parents' closet

Outside their bedroom door (at 5 in the morning and scared my mother shitless)

Near the kitchen door

Near my fucking bed

At the bottom of my sister's stairwell

In our bathroom

And down the hallway

This has gone on for 9 days and it doesn't seem to show signs of stopping. Most of the time we know who gets Barry because it's always followed with a very loud "FUCKING BARRY!!!!!"

My brother is the funniest fucking person I know.

"I don't know if i want to be with them or be them"

I DO! Be them!!! Be them!!!!!!!!! istg it is always be them

happy Thursday the 20th

Zillennial

Had a thought

does anyone on this site enjoy Banana Bread?