Me: I’m Asexual Person: Does That Mean You’re A Plant? Lol Me: Me: Me: Why Yes Me: *turns Into Audrey

The worst part of Pride each year is riding the subway late at night and seeing the gay guys, mostly the ones riding by themselves, slowly take off their rainbow stickers and beads and what-not in preparation for their walk alone in their neighborhood, doing their best to prevent the off-chance of being jumped. I saw one guy with a flag in his bag turn it upside down so it wouldn’t poke out.

So yeah, fuck that heterosexual pride day nonsense.

Me, an asexual: my sexuality makes me invisible. Watch this.

Friend: you know that's just metaphorical, right? You aren't actually-

Me: *walks up to a store employee* I'm asexual.

Store employee: haha no you're not. No one is asexual, that's not a thing. You can't live without sex, honey. You're just a late bloomer haha or maybe you're saving yourself for someone special. Or you're just so sad and pathetic that you can't find a boyfriend. Or are you gay? You're totally gay, just admit it. You ...

Me: *steals a cake, three oranges, and a dozen candy bars under their nose while they continue to talk nonsense*

Friend: holy heck

fyi the point of fucking up your data patterns isnt to avoid suspicion. it’s to make EVERYONE suspicious. same logic as the bloc, pals.  protect your comrades, be suspicious. ESPECIALLY if you aren’t doing anything likely to get you arrested.

Holy fucking shit y'all.

Y’ever read something and have understanding that has eluded you interminably suddenly stop, curl up, and snuggle neatly into a fold in your brain because a new way way opened to it?

She’s beauty. She’s Ace. She will not hesitate to punch you in the face.