Love That Guy Who Helps Us Sleep. That Guys A Great Guy And I Would Nominate Them For President.

past us: “im genuinely so glad we aren’t finding more fictives or just new alters in general! we must’ve finally found a headcount that’s able to handle our daily life and struggles!”

..so about that. -blurry

one of the most important things about dissociative identity disorder and generally being a system that i wish people would understand is that it truly isn’t as cut and dry as it may seem for member count.

you’ll see people who say they have “six alters” and then immediately assume it’s six fully fleshed out equal individuals with no confusion or fuzziness regarding identity. that’s simply not true in a majority of cases, as i have seen.

most systems still VERY much deal with confusion regarding potential splits, go through dissociative episodes where they’re unsure of who they are, sometimes feel no attachment towards any identities, feel like they might have split and then suddenly that person is gone, unsure if alters they haven’t heard from often have gone dormant, not sure how to react when alters do come out of dormancy, etc.

it’s not a fun feeling and it’s genuinely unfair in certain situations to force systems to list every single alter to you with full certainty, as if it will never change. because it will. for so many different reasons, systems will grow, they will shrink, they will fuse, they will develop. you can’t expect the person with the dissociative disorder and lack of core identity to be able to keep up a perfected list of forever, it’s simply impossible. you may have alters who stick with you, but that doesn’t mean changes won’t happen.

and systems who may be reading this — please don’t feel bad. you are not a hassle, you are not a headache, and you are not an inconvenience for simply coping with something like this. it’s out of your control and the only thing you can do is continue to cope to find ways to help yourself retrain from these reactions. please don’t allow yourself to be harmed by others who don’t understand what you are going through. there are people who will accept and love you for who you are, all of you.

past, present, and future.

Just to throw this out there

it was not and is not your fault they groomed you (yes even if you were seeking it out.)

it was not and is not your fault they abused you (yes even if you weren’t the best person at the time.)

you are a survivor not an abuser sweetheart

if you ever need anything my DMs are open

and yes this is a post made half for ourselves be self indulgent <33

Kinda wild how most people generally recognize that the "too sick to go to school, too sick to watch tv/play games" mindset our parents had was bullshit but still impose essentially the exact same rules on disabled adults and scrutinize them for enjoying low-energy hobbies while being too fatigued or in pain to work a full time job (or any job at all)

:-)

as someone who has been told that their trauma isn’t ’bad enough’ or real by a psychologist, i want to reassure you that your feelings about traumatic memories you may have are valid. the therapist we’re with now supports us and listens to us and our feelings.

after our interaction with that therapist, including several negative events that affected and worsened our mental state, we grew to believe we were delusional, crazy, and a liar. we were terrified to speak to anyone about it because we feared they would call us liars.

it took us months to gather up courage to talk about anything regarding the topic again with a new therapist. it’s honestly terrifying talking about this right now- but we’re working on getting back our progress again, despite our setbacks and the challenges we experienced.

find a therapist who supports and listens to you- preferably one specializing in dissociative disorders and trauma work- not one who fake-claims you because you aren’t extremely overt and because your trauma seems outlandish or unreal. DID is a covert disorder by nature. just because you don’t seem like you have it on the outside, doesn’t mean it isn’t real. in fact, that’s what it’s supposed to do. it takes several months if not years to even get a diagnosis- because of how difficult it is to pinpoint.

a journey to diagnosis is difficult, even if you have the money for it because of the stigma against DID, OSDD variants, and UDDS, and it takes extreme persistence, some may not even want a diagnosis because people will treat them differently for it- negatively. But, no matter what, your feelings are valid. Your experiences are valid. Your coping mechanisms are valid. If you experience it, it’s real. Even if it’s not in a specifically endorsed label.

Only YOU truly know what you experience. Nobody can tell you what you are supposed to experience.

Cw: blood mentions

*??? simply looking outside for insects. (right after a snowfall)*

*gets a splinter and stares at the blood coming out of it for a good few moments*

???: well, shit. this skin is weak as fuck. pussy ass skin.

*body starts to feel heavy and light-headed*

???#2: i feel faint..

???: DAMN YOU PUSSY OKAY ILL PUT THE GLOVE BACK ON BUT IF IT GETS INFECTED THATS ON YOU.

Blurry (since ive been seeing a lot of system quote stuff recently…. and a lot of us say really funny shit while we’re just literally doing normal things. if only i knew who they were.)

you know that feeling when you leave your Spotify playlist alone for a few weeks and suddenly you hate every song on there

forming an introject of a character from a media source you hate is just telling yourself over and over again "THEYRE NOT THEIR SOURCE THEYRE NOT THEIR SOURCE THEYRE NOT THEIR SOU-"

DON'T PUT YOUR TRIGGERS AND/OR PHOBIAS IN YOUR WEBSITES/PINNED POSTS/BIOS/ETC. FOR EVERYONE ON THE INTERNET TO SEE. ONLY TRUSTED PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THAT INFORMATION, NOT THE WHOLE INTERNET. YOU WILL GET HURT!!! MEAN PEOPLE WILL USE IT AGAINST YOU!!!