On1inec0nf3ssi0ns - Un=know:UN1

GUYS, I JUST DONT GET IT.

Why is being in recovery called “being clean” but its the dirtiest you’ve ever fucking felt, i constantly feel dirty for even covering them(⭐️’s) in the first place. AND NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT SHOWERING. sometimes all i can do is stare and them and miss the blood. I really dont even understand why im clean, its not like i want to. Being clean just feels like means to end, like its just a break and ill get right back to it.

AND DONT GET ME STARTED WHEN IT COMES TO PEOPLE SEEING YOUR ⭐️’s,

God forbid, i get a little confidence and act normal and not some freaky creep. Like what compels a person to see someone with ⭐️’s and point at them and say suff.

LIKE WHAT THE DUCK.

(￣▽￣)

I for one think the symbiotic relationship between Tumblr and AO3 is beautiful

1/20

Hey guys! ٩(ര̀ᴗര́)

Heres a short vent:

Tw: ana/sh/crybaby

Hey yall, im struggling like usual! /srs tho.

Im falling back in the ACTUAL PITZ OF HELL i crawled out of, i relapsed (sh) and every inch of confidence i had, got snuffed out this weekend. I got kicked out for 4 days and all my friends told me i was annoying/called me ugly x2 or just said sm that hurt my feelings.

Context: my best friend (hes my best friend, im not his) called me annoying for alway following him around while we’re in the city hanging out, plus just talked shit abt me. All my friends call me ugly, like i just get voice messages of people calling me a ugly bitch.

Lolz idk why either because i literally try to be the nicest friend; i go to their sport events, i buy them food when they don’t have any at home, i inquire about their personal life, and like so much more.

It literally hurts my feelings so bad that they don’t care about me like i do them. I’ve LITERALLY gave these people ALL i have, both physically and emotionally. But they just don’t like me, i dont know whats wrong with me, its just like everyone automatically hates me. It makes me feel so guilty for being alive, it makes me feel so weak.

Im kinda giving up on friendships, Sometimes i think like, what about me makes me everyone hate me? I think, why do i make everyone want to hit me? I wish i could just be invisible all the time so i couldn’t be annoying and bother anyone. Idk, even just saying this stuff makes me want to say sorry,

im sorry. :p

Everything hurts, i have chronic pain everywhere. I dont want to do anything. It huts, it hurts. Where is your humanity for me? Am i sub-human in your eyes? Dont you get it? IT HURTS. I cant eat, i cant sleep, i cant do anything without pain. Do i deserve it? Is that what you think?

1/21

{ starting today!! }

Hey y’all, i just wanted to update you on school. Previously i was too stressed to do anything. Today, I’m going to start reducing my stress and try to get some school work done. Im going to make a healthy and productive dinner, as well as doing box breathing when my anxiety starts pulling me under. Also I’m going to get off my bus home like 5 stops from my house so i can get some walking in.

Update y’all tonight if i feel better ( i know its not going to work immediately, ima check in every day!)

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UPDATES!!!

1/21: Hey y'all, I feel pretty energized. I didn't end up doing my homework but I plan on doing it later. I felt really tired after eating. ٩(•̤̀ᵕ•̤́๑)ᵒᵏᵎᵎᵎᵎ

1/22: FEELING GREAT!! Lolz i might just be in mania, BUT, i feel energized and happy. Also i did my homework plus studied! ^_^

seeing another woman with leg hair in public is like seeing an angel