Any Universe Ships:

Bird scientists are simply horny.

Me and mom learned new English word.

More Dialogue Prompts (35 misc prompts + 15 smut prompts)

“Why can’t you just listen for once?”

“I love you and I know you don’t think so, but you deserve to be loved.”

“I think I’m pregnant.”

“Wait. You’ve seriously never kissed anyone before?”

“We should get married.”

“No, you have a fever. Go lay back down and rest.”

“Is… Is this you trying to flirt with me?”

“So what if I am jealous? Would that change anything?”

“Oh… I thought this was a date.”

“I’m pregnant not helpless, stop worrying so much.”

“I knew you’d end up liking the cat.”

“Shh - I think the baby’s crying.”

“If you really loved me you’d get me *insert favorite food here* on your way home.”

“Hey, uh… where’s our kid?”

“I don’t need you.”

“Those glasses are adorable on you.”

“You need to stop being so damn cute.”

“You’re bleeding.”

“Shut up and let me kiss you.”

“Did… did the baby just kick?”

“I think I’d rather die.”

“If I don’t get my coffee soon someone is going to die.”

“I’m not scared of horror movies. I just… think they’re dumb”

“I thought I lost you.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“I’ve been in love with you for an embarrassingly long time.”

“I can hear you overthinking things from here. Stop it.”

“Hey, you’re okay. You were just having a nightmare.”

“Don’t scare me like that again.”

“I think my water just broke.”

“You have no idea how amazing you are, do you?”

“Sometimes I really hate you.”

“You’re sick. Let me take care of you.”

“I didn’t expect you to be so cuddly.” 

“I’m sorry, your eyes are just really pretty and distracting.”

Smut Prompts Under the Cut

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if ur feeling desperately sad this summer, wait until it gets dark and half quiet and then open a window. cool air and passing cars are gonna heal ur heart. i promise

@wildefire Here it is! c: /i kinda imagine a college Steve for this one idk why :D:D/

2. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again for taking advantage of my compassionate and forgiving nature! HOw dare you.  + 3. Me? Overreacting? Probably.

—

Today was the day. Finally you had the day off for yourself and after the mission you told everybody you’ll see them around later and you sprinted to your room. You took off your clothes and wrapped your body in a nice fluffy towel, then grabbed the little pink bag from the shelf and entered your bathroom.

You closed the door and filled the bath tub with hot, steaming water and added your favourite scent to it. You were really excited, because this was your first free day in three weeks and all you wanted to do was to sit in that bath tub until you grew gills.

You lighted some candles, their delicate aroma was simply heavenly. But the best was yet to come! Yes, the little pink bag - you opened it and unwrapped the colourful bath bombs. “Finally I get to see what’s all the fuss about” - you said to yourself excitedly as you bit your bottom lip and dropped the rosy-lime one in the water. Just watching it turn the transparency into a nice pinky colour was so satisfying, you couldn’t wait to get in this tub and enjoy the afternoon.

Candles, flowers, some chocolates, everything was perfect. Your muscles were so tensed and your body craved relaxation. You closed your eyes and tilted your head back, a sigh of pleasure escaping your lips, when suddenly you felt a gush of cold air hitting you. And then a loud dropping sound.

This made your eyes open right away. You looked aroud - the door was closed, but what the hell was that on the floor. It looked like a little box, but it was… Ticking?

You opened the door just as the smoke alarm buzzed , just so you could stand face to face with the Devil himself, who stood at your door, biting on an apple, while blue smoke was coming out of the bathroom.

You grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pushed him against the opposite wall. “You! You little cheeky bastard! How dare you ruin my only free day?!” - yelling at his face seemed to do nothing, so you grabbed his apple and tossed it at the wall. “First you turned my hair green, then you shrank my clothes so they can only fit a fucking ant, then you came in my room naked in the middle of the night and scared the crap out of me. It’s not funny! I fucking thought I was getting kidnapped! And now this?! ” - by this point he was trying really hard not to laugh, so he just bit his lip, but his eyes were almost watering from the laughter he was holding in.

“It’s not fucking funny Rogers!” - you pulled him again and this time he laughed and leaned over the door frame. He was desperately trying to say something between the gasps for air “Your… Your face is blue” - he laughed, hitting the door frame with one hand. You started clapping slowly, in a sarcastic manner “Aren’t you the most observing person in the world! No, no, you know what fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again for taking advantage of my compassionate and forgiving nature! HOw dare you?  ”

You poked his chest with one finger and then crossed your arms, still glaring at him. Your hair messy, your face blue with some darker patches of blue on your shoulders, your body covered with the towel. You were mad at the moment, but in reality you looked beautiful to him, even in your crazy states.

You bent down a bit, holding your towel with one hand - “This is war, Rogers and you’ll get it!” - he looked at you with a cheeky smile and then got up, pulling you closer by your waist, so he can clean some of the blue from your face. “Aren’t you overreacting a little bit?” - he asked childishly, his smile only growing bigger, his brows raised as if he was so amused from your overraction.

You waved a finger in front of his face “Me? Overreacting?? Probably! But that doesn’t stop me from getting my revenge on you!”

~~ You planned your revenge for a few days and a couple of days later it was time to get your plan going.

You tried to seam calm and collected during the weak, as if you had forgotten everything, but in reality you were just looking for the right opportunity. And so the day came.

Steve was in the kitchen, just a towel wrapped around his waist, his body glistening with some fine drops of water. He was cooking something, when you tip toed to him and wrapped your hands around him and placed a kiss on his bare back. You felt his muscles tense and his skin heat up. He turned around and as he did you placed another kiss on his neck. His hands just barely resting on your waist.

Your relationship with him was complicated, but not complicated enough for you not to notice his constant flirting with you and so you knew this would have his mind running thousand miles per hour.

His head moved to the side involuntarily and you kisses his ear, but tried to stay calm. As much as you liked the game, turning your face blue for two days straight was no fun. You had to move fast because very soon he’d realise what was happening, so in one quick motion you handcuffed him to the fridge and unwrapped the towel from his waist.

He had no time to protest because the next thing you did was ripping the flour packet he had prepared all over him and pulled a camera from behind your back. “That’s what you get for messing with me, Rogers” - you said teasingly as you snapped just one photo of him and then put the keys on the far end of the table. You spared him once last look before you exited the room, you winked and then stuck your tongue out at him when he said with a smile “I’ll get you for that!”

Lessons Learned

Summary: In order to learn magic, Thor invites you to stay in Asgard for a while, offering his brother Loki to be your teacher.

Pairing: Loki x reader

Word Count: 3,768

Warnings: mentions of anxiety and PTSD

Main Masterlist

Your first thought when you landed in Asgard was that you could never live in a place like that. 

It wasn’t a matter of whether you wanted to or not. You definitely did. But something told you that you didn’t belong in Asgard. The place was everything you had seen in fantasy movies and imagined when you read fictional books. Even though you were there now, Asgard’s golden castle was shining almost blindingly in the sunlight, just a little ways away from you, and you still couldn’t digest the fact that it was real. It seemed almost too good to be true. And someone like you couldn’t live in a place as grand as this. You were barely visible on Earth. You would drown in Asgard. 

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today’s gender of the day is unfortunate time loop accidents

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Coming to theaters near you: neurodivergent wedding caterer looses their shit as a group near them shout for no fucking reason.

I heard too many sounds at once and now I am a bitch

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