Medicspy Swap Log

Dynamics practice.

So do you just like having the TF2 gang go through it or...?

ANOMALY DIVERSION 10K⁉️

HELL YEAH!!!!! I'M GONNA CELEBRATE TONIGHT

Uh uhhhh well like i said gonna have to go back and take notes, but

1) my, then, sleep deprived brain got blasted with the thought "Demoman and his 3 2 weed smoking girlfriends hippies" ffhgjgjv

2) jokes aside, I'm SUCH a sucker for hare themed characters who try to act like they're a fight predator, and not what they truly are, a flight prey

Scout being jackrabbit coded. Speedy, full of anger, underestimated, has weapons (bat/teeth, gun/claws etc) and isn't afraid to use it. But deep down, being led by fear

The fact that blu is that predator-esque mask dropping, and the crushing realisation of being a prey animal, of being in so much danger everywhere from everything, that he can't trust anyone, of letting the need to run away take over

And the fact that Sniper is often associated with Dingos and Owls, both natural predators to rabbits. Hell, even the fact that he mentioned hunting rabbits a child

And yet, Scout came to him, the rabbit going to the predator. To the opposite side

And the fact that said predator is also dealing with the realisation that, really, he's just a livestock prey too when looking at the bigger picture. And deep down, he's not much braver about it than a rabbit

They're all lambs to the never ending slaughter. Who cares about prey or predator, about jobs and teams, about natural roles, when there's a nature defying society and science controlling everything above it all?

It's all so dehumanising in so many different ways. In the livestock vs butchery, in the wild animals vs human hunters, in the meaning of jobs vs companies and money. In that humans in powers, control and think they own everything, including your own personhood. In the loss of agency, of loosing who you are to a job

But truly, were you ever anyone at all?

If the fighting stopped, what would they do? Deal with the reality that there's nothing left from before ? Have to face the fact they're no one outside of what the admin wants from them? Or run back to the familiar cage they've been in for so long, and know by heart?

What is true freedom?

Are they really ready to have to build that possible new home all by themselves out there ? Including building a new self while accepting parts they hate? Dealing with the fact they're just copies, and some parts of them might thus not be the "true" them? Yet those things still being a part of themselves ? Learning to accept what they see in the mirror?

And if they are, are they ready with the possibility that they might never get the chance to do any of that at all?

MMMMMMKFHDHWBKFKVXJ!!!!!

Shit's fucked

And what is going on in BLU Snipes' mind....he's really an enigma to me

Heh, in a way, he's closer to the "blueprint" Sniper with how closed off he is about how he feels. Just like how RED Scout is closer to the "original"

And yet he still figured it out...like you don't actually need to deviate much from the blueprint to become a "deviant", which is getting me more curious about BLU Soldier too

And how the RED Spy is gonna handle that too...

there was already a significant amount of mutual assistance between the two teams, whether on purpose or not. Like BLU Spy letting RED get away with his fire distraction (though I'm guessing it was more to hide what ye and engie figured out. But i can't help but think that a small part of him still did it for RED, maybe because of the suspicions that truly, both colours aren't necessarily enemies, and they're closer to having a common one)

Same with RED Spy pulling BLU Pyro away from Scout and Snipes because he knew it would put them (and everyone else) in danger if that info got out

And RED Demo trying to mend his relationship with BLU Soldier

The line between enemy and ally is already slightly blurring, which is gonna affect everyone

Progress is being made, yet that progress worsens the risk of everyone getting removed for it. Sisyphus curse

And yet, it's the predator who freezes up in fear like a prey, wanting to curl on himself with his tail between his legs, hide his face under his paws and pretend the chain around his neck isn't here. while the rabbit is angry and wants to take actions, gnawing at the cage and fighting for freedom....

I love you.

"RED and BLU mercs look the same because of the game mechanic! They represent different people while using the same models! YOU are the player, so YOU are the mercenary too!"

Fair, but. Even if it is just a game limitation... I can't help but be confused as to WHY those game characters are SO UNIQUE IN PERSONALITIES if they are meant to be a representative mass?

I have to questions to hl1 scientist. No question no hl2 citizens. To CS characters. They are plain and faceless, they are meant to be background masses.

Tf2 mercs, however? SO unique and distinct. Their shapes and bodies, their movements, their voicelines - even with no particular story about them, there's SO MUCH personality! They have to be heroes! Not JUST classes!

I've never understood the explanation "they are different people who look similar to eachother" because eeehh... Have fun as you want, but I'm personally not convinced. Even with a rhetoric "Heavies have to be strong af and scouts have to be fast and small and all medics are insane and Germans" that's still not it.

Obviously I don't think about it while playing the game, but when it's time to think about the lore... The comics never answered the question of who the teams are - retconed and ignored.

I was surprised and confused as to why it was never brought up anywhere in canon. Maybe because this case is so exceptional and unique to tf2, it was actually cursed by it's own greatness?

Let's be real, tf2 characters are heroes. Yet unlike Overwatch and such, players ARE allowed to have as many repeating classes as they want. Moreso - the opposite team is designed to be the same characters.

What the fuck.

Tf2 mercs exist in a superposition where they are more than just classes but not enough humans to be heroes.

And that brings us to my other point...

Now you might say "but the lore is goofy, they WOULD hire people with very specific features –" shhhhh. Don't you see? That's part of the issue.

The mercs are constantly dehumanized.

For whatever reason people think is useful. In the comics they are shown to be absolute idiots for comedic effect, sometimes flanderizing them even, reducing any human feature that isn't funny enough.

In fandom it's enough to just dress a merc in different clothes for people to start calling them OCs. Even if you didn't mean to make an oc.

With the goddamn clone theory I've seen people often saying that since BLU are clones, they are subhuman/unworthy - authors thoughts, not just in-univrse rhetoric.

It's almost as... Tf2 mercs are not human but a species??? Creatures without autonomy?

Always been like this?

Maybe I'm the only one bothered by this, but... You know me, I'm a no fun who loves taking this kind of shit seriously.

...

I started from talking about why they look identical on different teams. I think the clone theory is very probable, even though many people say it's cringe. The clone theory would make so much sense if it was real.

Recently I've watched Mickey 17. It felt so good to be finally understood. Every point of this film is all the things I feel towards tf2.

Respawn makes you less human. And corporations treat you as expendable, always. If they find a way to dehumanize you, it will be easier to convince everyone that you deserve violence/it's not a big deal.

If in tf2 the two identical megacorps fight with eachother over power (tf2 wiki/ original game setting), it would make all the sense for them to just clone the 9 mercs and make them expendable. It's cheaper. Emesis Blue did it right.

And since everyone thinks that the mercs are subhuman, because they are stereotypes, because stupid illiterate criminals, because they're psychopaths, because they're clones, because they're expendable... No one ever thinks to look behind it and see them as people.

Cloning is inherently a horror. When I just entered the fandom, I was convinced there will be some horror level lore underneath the silly game. It made sense.

But there was none of it.

I might be the one stupid here for thinking about tf2 that way. But I can't change my perspective now. To me the whole tf2 lore situation is just a recursive mirror on itself: the whole thing almost begs to be analyzed existentially but isn't because the goofy part of it is so sacred, it cannot be destroyed. As if taking tf2 seriously is almost a taboo.

"Don't look there, there's nothing there, don't think about it, they're silly, it's just a game" then why do I keep seeing holes on this curtain???

Purposefully not thinking about the lore is constant effort. It cannot be truly silly at least because it's war. If there's no respawn, it's scary because they can die anytime. If there is respawn - it's triple scary, because they don't belong to themselves.

In-game voicelines suggest that respawn does exist. Even if they love fighting and treat it like we treat videogames - since they are practically immortal - it's still inherently horror. Even if it's a comedy, ignoring the basic technical aspects of the world and covering up with "everything is unserious and stupid" agenda... Is ironically suspicious. For me.

It's almost as if they're trying to hide something underneath all this silliness. I know they don't. But it feels like it. It feels like a propaganda so people don't dare to try explaining how this world logically works.

A second you try to dissect the lore and it crumbles apart. It contradicts itself and it overcompensates for what it's not. It crumbles. I've stumbled upon it a hundred times for all these years in the fandom...

When you play the game you see so much environmental storytelling - the coverups of spy tech, the cold war, nukes and stuff... The early wiki info told us about megacorps who want to rule the world. It's realistic and pragmatic and so fun. Close to earth. When I play on the older maps I keep wondering what it was really about. I wonder about who the characters are, how did they get on this war?

But what I got was "the mercs are very stupid, and everything in this world is stupid because old people fight over nothing, and once they die everyone lives happily ever after AFTER SACRIFICING NOTHING". The mercs aren't even the main characters. We still know fucking nothing about them, about why they fight– they don't even fight for the same thing as in game. Everything is retconed.

I feel so conflicted. I know people love the comics but I can't help but hate it, I'm sorry. The same questions I had joining the fandom almost 2 years ago - I still have them now. It's itching, it's uncomfortable to stand in a lore which is a mess and will never be explained.

I looked at the lore with a suspicious squint, trying to compromise: maybe there IS something about the worldbuilding that I've missed that would make sense. I've analysed left and right– no. There's nothing of my interest. I had to explain things myself and it only started make sense once I stopped relying on the comics, like, at all.

And once you strip away the comics, there's barely anything left. Just the game, the bits and crumbs from the wiki...

The tf2 I enjoy now is the tf2 50% of which I created in my head to overcompensate. But who am I? I'm not Valve. I'm uncomfortable with that. Because while the lore now makes sense in my head, it's still just headcanons.

People don't know it.

I feel pretty lonely in this situation.

(This post should've been be just about dehumanization in the context of tf2, but I've noticed that everything I hurt about this media is a one big thing and one doesn't go without another. Someday I will let go.)

From Anomaly Diversion For the upcoming Chapter 4.

"I'm only valuable when..." of TF2 mercs

Personal mental stereotypes they follow, yet will never admit aloud. An analysis:

(Headcanons but I tried to be as compliant as possible)

Scout: I'm only valuable when people see me as cool and tell me that I'm cool... 'Cuz that means, it must be true...

(Constantly comparing himself to everyone, barely knows his true self, struggles to be alone)

Pyro: I'm only valuable when I have friends to care about! If there's none... It's so cold and lonely...

(Fear of abandonment? Fear of betrayal. Urges for revenge)

Soldier: I'm only valuable when my community needs me! I am all about loyalty and faith!

(Strongly identifies with the place or beliefs he belongs to, constantly feels threatened.)

Demo: I'm only valuable when people find me fun to be around. As soon as it gets sad, everyone leaves.

(Numbing his emotional pain in substances because he has no idea how to handle it, especially since these emotions push people away time and time again. Feelings of helplessness.)

Heavy: I am only valuable when I can protect people. Although I understand, when people are able to stand for themselves, it feels like my purpose is gone...

(Being protective is his identity. If he's not a big human shield for the people he cares about, who is he?)

Engineer: I'm only valuable when my ideas become reality. While I'm still alive, my mission in life is to make as many creations as I can.

(His work is more important than his personhood. He's the Engineer first, Connagher last)

Medic: I'm only valuable when people need very specific solutions to very specific situations. Let's say, some of these situations were also a work of mine.

(Too genius of a mind struggles to fit into the "normal" flow of things. Extending what's possible.)

Sniper: I'm only valuable when I'm useful. When my help is irreplaceable. Otherwise, why am I even here?

(Struggles with "fitting in" and finding a community/genuine connections. Doesn't believe there's anything to him besides his work)

Spy: I'm only valuable when people can look up on me, when they admire me and want to be like me. Or, otherwise, when they hate me and believe that I'm the only cause of their suffering. It's never too much when it comes to praise.

(Extremely fragile ego)

OH THEY BETTER HAPPEN!!!

Dramatic movie scenes that didn't happen in Anomaly Diversion. For @oblique-lane

For the first time, I actually used a reference. I went a bit overboard. Whoops. They think they're solving something, good for them.

Just read your fic after reading your entire blog and I must say that you have such a big sexy brain. I mean, the writing is immaculate, the character analysis is top-notch, and the art pieces filled with symbolism are also incredible. You truly are a blessing to this fandom.

uughuhhh wuuhuww huhuuh ughhuhwhuuu