Everyone Was Panicking. The Avengers Had Just Received A Ransom Video Showing Tony In The Hands Of Some

Bilbo: Do you ever have one of those days when you're holding a stick

Bilbo: And e v e r y o n e looks like a piñata?

Y'all

Imagine if Bilbo lost his lil acorn once Smaug was dead.

Throin sees Bilbo looking around all panicked, digging through some pile of gold or gems, and asks about it, and this is where he learns about the acorn.

So of course he offers to help look, while they're looking for the Arkenstone, and eventually they've got the whole company looking for both. Thorin's head seems a little more clear suddenly, so everyone's more looking for the acorn than the arkenstone, because yeah they're looking for the arkenstone, but they'll know it when they see it, they have to CONCENTRAIT to find a lil acorn, and it's important they find IT soon or it'll get crushed, or die or rot. The arkenstone has lasted this long. It'll last a little longer.

And because they've all got he mindset if "yeah thats a bit of gold, but it's not an acorn. Sure sure some pretty gems but it's not an acorn!" In there heads, they stave of the gold sickness.

When Fili shouts, "I found it!" They're all rather disappointing when they realise he means the Arkestone. Thorin pockets it, but they return to their search for the acorn right away.

Then, one day, Thranduil shows up demanding the white gems and Thorin's standing up on the barracks like "Sure, if we come across them."

And Thranduil's like "what do you mean if you come across them?"

"There was a dragon in the mountain for over a century! He wasn't exactly cleaning and we're a bit preoccupied with our own search at the moment! I'll send them your way once we find them! If takes a day or a year, you'll live!" And then he disappears from Thranduil's sight.

Only to reappear after a moment, looking slightly irritated. The hobbit is by his side looking, perhaps hopeful? With a roll of his eyes, Thorin says, bitting out the words like they physically hurt to say "If you would like, perhaps you could send a select few of your most trusted guard, and if they might help us in our search, they can also look for your gems as well?"

Thranduil has never been more caught of guard in his life. Did a dwarf, one whom he'd had imprissoned in his dungeon less than a month ago, just invite his people into his most recently reclaimed treasurey?

"I'm sorry. What?" He blinks up at the dwarf- most elegantly, he assures you.

"Elves have very keen eyes, do you not?" Asks the little hobbit. "We're looking for my acorn, you see, that I got from Beorn the skin changer, I seem to have lost it in the dragon's chase, and we fear it'll be crushed. Throin says your box would likely be in the front of the treasurey, and we haven't searched there yet, though Smaug did follow us through there, so it's a fine place for your people to start. It would be greetly appreciated."

And really. The argument could go on, Thranduil's really not sure he believes there IS an acorn, but if it gets him those damned white gems, fine. He sends Tauriel and her guard, and Legolas volunteers himself.

When Bard shows up asking for aid for the town Thorin throws his hands up. "Your just as bad as the elves! We just got our montain back! Fah! At least you asked for nothing so specific!" And practically chucks a chest full of randomly scooped up gold and gems over at the man. "But if there is an acorn in there, you are to return it immediately!"

There isn't an acorn.

"Why would there be an acorn?" He asks Thranduil that evening as he takes tea with the Elven king who's made camp outside the Lonely Mountain as a statement to the dwarven king he doesn't mean to leave without what's rightfully his, regardless of their compliance.

"His husband appears to be rather attached to it." Thranduil shrugs. "I don't pretent to understand the ways of haflings, but if the hobbit has half so strong a love for that which grows from the earth, as the dwarves do that which is mined from it, and I was a king who'd dragged my consort half way across Middle Earth to risk his life battling a dragon for its hoard, I'd think it wise to have the Mountain turned upside down for one measly acorn as well."

Dain shows up and is about ready to storm the peacefully-aiding-the-humans-at-this-point-because-we're-here-what-else-do-we-have-to-do elves on principle, but Thorin puts a stop to it quick.

It takes Dain a day and a half to realised that Thorin did infact say "they were all looking for an Acorn," yesterday, and several minutes to understand that he was saying "no, we found the Arkenstone days ago," today.

And of course, the orcs and goblins show up and are defeated by the forced of them all, united under Acorn Peace Treaty of 2942

Sadly, weeks go by, and they do not find the acorn. They do eventually find the Gems, and Legolas and the majority of the elves return to Mirkwood, Legolas having made good friends with the Company, especially Gloin (this is a suprise tool that will help him later) but Tauriel remains, and if Thorin wasn't smitten with the hobbit, he might comment on just how close Kili is growing to her. At least she's respectful. Might just teach that boy a think or two. The opposite is, of course, true, and Tauriel becomes just as much a menace as the princes.

As the weeks go by and proper cataloging of the treasury commences, every dwarf who comes to help is shows a picture of the acorn every single morning, and promised a just reward for its discovery.

Eventually, Bilbo has to concede they aren't going to find it, but, well, by then he's not exactly planning to return to the Shire for long enough to care for a sprouting tree.

He does return long enough to stop all his things being auctioned off, no he's not a ghost, thank you very much, and have Bag End transfered to his cousin Drogo and his wife, before setting back out for Erebor with the things he intends to keep.

It's years before anyone thinks of the poor lost little acorn again, decades, infact.

One day, in the early morning of the 21st Durin's day after the reclaiming of Erebor, a dwarf comes rushing from the treasurey to find the Royals preparing for the celebration.

"Is it one of these, your highne- uh, Bilbo, your lost acorn?" He asks, stuttering over the title he knows the hobbit dislikes. "I can't really.... tell them apart."

And Bilbo just blinks, because in the cupped palms of the dwarf's are perhaps 15 or 20 little acorns...

"Where did you find these?" He asks.

"They were in the back."

"The back?" Thorin repeats, then catches himself and shoos the dwarf back the way he came "Show us."

They all- Bilbo and Thorin, the princeses, and a handful of the company who'd been present- follow the dwarf down into the treasurey, and then through the treasurey, past all the neat piles of gold and the many chests of organized gems and stones and all manner of other treasures, until they're presented with a very familiar back door.

Or rather, a hidden passage, tucked away in an alcove, where another handful of acorns' the few the Dwarf who'd brought them the first had likely missed- are scattered about.

"You did... just have the one, right Uncle Bilbo?" Fili asks.

"Or course I just had the one!" Bilbo retorts. "I couldn't have possibly carried that many with me all the way from Beorn's!"

With a resigned sort of sigh, as he begins to piece together the answer to a decades old mystery, Thorin steps forward and follows the tunnel up, up, up, and out of Erebor, the others- save the dwarf who brought them, dismissed by Bilbo with a smile, a thanks, and an oh, no, you may keep those- right behind.

As they walk, the acorns start to increase. Though there's never so many as to begin piling up in the tunnel, by the time they reach the end, the majority of the ground is covered in a solid layer if the little things, and the crunch underfoot as they all emerge onto the ledge which they had all once stood, with batted breath in the moon light as they realised they were at last, truly home.

"Was that here last time?" Kili asked, studying the impressive Oaktree shading the entire ledge that sat in front of the secret entrance to Erebor.

The trunk of the tree was wide and solid, sitting right up against the mountain side, and rather winning the battle of wills against the carved stone architecture of the dwarves. Its limbs grow twisted and wild, up and out in all directions. It's easily 250 or 300 feet tall. There is all sorts of life flittering about in its florishing branches, all covered in brilliant green leaves, and fresh green little acorns.

The growned all around them is covered in acorns as well, so many more than the tunnel.

"No." Thorin says, watching a squirrel dash down from the trunk of the tree, shove several acorns into its cheeks, and dash back up the trunk. "No it was not." He turns to Bilbo, and raises an eyebrow. "Lost it after the dragons chase, you said?"

Beet red and look quite flustered, all Bilbo can manage out is a squicky little "oops."

"'Oops' indeed." Thorin returns, smiling fondly.

Is there a Percy Jackson fic where he doesn't care about the Olympians?

Basically everything is the same, at least at the beginning (and also because I read the books a long time ago and with the serie, the first one is the one I remember best), but instead of being angsty about his dad he just doesn't have a place in his mind for him.

Before, when he was a little kid, he wondered about his dad. Then, time passed and he was alone with his mom and things where good. He didn't really mind it being only the two of them, he kinda liked it.

Then, Gabe came in and he realised how much he missed the times when it was just him and his mom.

He saw other children with their fathers or heard the way they talked about them, and with some it was good, tough it was pretty much the same as it was for him with his mom. He could think, then, that having more of that would be good.

Then he heard others talking about their ever-working dads or their angry-dads and thought that, perhaps, he was better just with his mom, because now there was also Gabe, and what if angry-dads were like angry-Gabes?

So he tried to endure the torment that was Gabe's presence and enjoy what he could of his mom. They would go to the beach, cook blue cookies, fool around. Maybe watch a movie or read. Greek mythology, mainly.

These gods were crazy. And easily angered. And unfair. They didn't seem to care all that much about mortals either. Not even if they worshipped them or if they were related.

So, years later, Percy finds himself in camp-halfblood. He loses his mom, finds out his dad is a god and meets Chiron and Mr. D.

Mr. D is the first god he meets in person. Not very reasuring.

Then he goes around camp, being able to compare the different cabins. Hermes' is cramped. He meets Luke. He finds out about Thalia.

What other conclussion could he reach other than: "The Gods really don't care, huh?"

But then again, neither does he, when he thinks about it. Not really.

But the Olympians are dangerous when they get angry (and sometimes even when they aren't), so he resolves to play nice and do what he is told. He's always tried to keep himself out of troubles, he just hardly ever succeded. But now, knowing that there was a reason (mostly) for him always standing out in the worst way, he could try to stay under the radar.

And then he is claimed, accused of theft and sent on a quest.

Percy, Grover and Annabeth encounter the furies, and Percy thinks he doesn't want Hades as an enemy. He hopes he can get his mom back without things going sideways, but that seems more unlikely by the second. He doesn't really care that much about it.

And the bolt, right. Well... Annabeth can remember that.

Then there is Medusa. She was after him because of his father and after Annabeth because of her mother.

Percy wonders how many monsters are out for his blood because of his father.

There is another thought on the back of his mind, and he refuses to let it escape. But he can't help himself sometimes. The thought can benseen as twisted, but it could always be becuase, were he to fail, would he also be turned into a monster, cursed to forever to hunt those who were supposed to be his own kind.

They sever Medusa's head, but instead of sending it to Olympus, Percy covers her eyes and stuffs it in a bagpack, remembering the story of the first Perseus.

They find Equidna. The head comes in handy.

He meets Ares. The war-god doesn't remind him of Clarisse all that much. Kind of a jerk, but not as bad as Gabe's pocker buddies. Definitely better than the asshole himself (the bar is so low...)

Ares tries to make him angry the same way Aphrodite would lure in any other.

Gods, unlike what you'd think, can't truly create mortal's emotions. Not by themselves, at least. If they could, Eros wouldn't need his bow.

Gods, with nothing else to aid them, can enhance existing emotions. Ares would usually take people's anger or annoyance and multiply it.

But this dumb kid has none. No anger, no mild annoyance or even a little grudge that he could direct at himself. Not because of him being Ares, the war-god, not for being Clarisse's father or even an Olympian like Posseidon. There was nothing to work with. So he tried being a jerk, but it still didn't work.

Ares offered his side-quest and felt in the kid the desire to refuse. But it was put down before he could exploit it.

The quest was fulfilled and after giving the kids some useful stuff and planting the bolt on them, Ares recived a polite thanks from the kids and saw them go on that truck.

Percy, contrary to popular belief, knew perfectly well how to be polite and well manered. Actually, he was an expert. How many times do you think he had to swallow his tongue, his pride and thoughts just to save himself from detention, expulsion or a beating? No, this boy knew very well the rules of the game, especialy with adults. When an adult has power over you, you play nice. He knew that kind of people would never like him, and the feeling was mutual, but if he was polite enough, if he behaved, they would leave him alone, they would ignore him and he them. All would be ok.

Ares didn't get how a kid, a teenager at that, could simply have no anger. He knew half-bloods, he's felt their wrath. They all resent their parents, so what was different this time?

They get trough the Cassino and make it to the underworld. Caron is easily bribed and they get on the boat.

They all nearly fall to Tartarus. Then, they find the bolt.

Percy goes to Hades. He kneels and gives a polite greating. Hades tells him about capturing his mom, then asks for his helm. Percy doesn't have it, but says he knows where it is and asks for the opportunity to retrive it. After the young demigos swearsnon the Stix, Hades himself send them all out of the underworld. The bolt is never mentioned.

Percy is forced to leave his mother behind and then fight Ares for the helm and the bolt.

There are no jokes or taunts, just a fight. At the end, before Ares could curse him, Percy kneels and asks for forgiveness.

After winning, Percy could only thing about the consequences of what he'd done. He thought about Annabeth and Grover, who had come with him and would surely receive part of whatever the war-god sent his way, just for being there. And he thought about his mother, who Hades had taken away, who he couldn't save yet, because he had to prioritize the bolt to prevent a war. His mother, who had suffered a life with Gabe for Percy's sake, and who would surely be targeted, as the person Percy most loved, if the myths had anything of truth (which they apparently did).

Ares didn't really get it. Forgiveness for what? The kid hadn't cheated. As much as he didn't want to admit it, the fight had been fair. So he asked.

"For offending you."

Responded the kid, still not looking at the other in the eyes. Ares didn't really answer. That behavior wasn't normal. It was, admittedly, what he wanted. But it wasn't normal.

Ares left. The helm fell to the floor where he had stood.

Alecto, who had witnessed the fight, recived the helm to deliver. No threats, but a short look of understanding.

The trio then boarded a plain and went to New York. Annabeth and Grover went to camp. Percy, to the Empire State.

Tired and quite done with life, he sassed the guy at reception into letting him pass.

He walked his way into Olympus and reached the throne room where he found Zeus and Posseidon.

He knelt at the entrance, greeting both men at the same time, no difference. There were no complains about it.

Percy gives the bolt back and says what happened at the entrance of Tartarus. Then he tells them about Ares' involvement. His concerns are brushed aside and he doesn't push. He knows better. Besides, if things turned out bad, they would realize eventually and noone would be able to blame him for letting out something important.

Percy is dismissed. He kneels before turning to leave. He is called by Posseidon, so he turns once again. The god turned human size before Percy's eyes and walked until he was standing in front of the boy.

When Posseidon said he was sorry Percy was born, the boy felt offended, but not truly hurt. A part of him wanted to say: "Yeah, you fucked up." He obviously refrained. When Posseidon said that he was proud, when he talks about Sally being a queen amongst mortals, Percy refrained a disdainful scowl. He wasn't angry at the god, but he was exausted, and scared, and worried about his mother, and he didn't feel like listening to this stranger saying things that only friends and family should say. But Percy knew better than to anger strong people, so he smiled and nodded, unable to pretend and do more, but refusing to give anyone reason to punish him. When he was finally dismissed, he had to do his best to control his steps and not run to the elevator.

He goes home to his mother. Medusas' head is still on his pack. A very ugly statue is on the market by the end of the day.

Back at camp, is already nigth and Percy goes out to the forest with Luke.

When the blond tells him he is leaving, Percy says he understands. When Luke tells him to go with him, Percy refuses.

Luke asks him why, when the Olympians aren't worth it.

Then, where the blond expects refusal and denial, Luke recives a tired laugh. Percy is very aware of that, but he'd rather keep himself out of trouble. The gods are too powerful, and powerful people can be dangerous, especially if they consider you little more than pets.

Still, he wouldn't leave. Leaving would mean abandoning his mom, and he would never leave his only family for anything in the world.

When Luke reveals his crimes, Percy tries to reason with him.

"What do you think Chronos will do with us once he doesn't need us anymore?"

But Luke was already completely blinded by fake promises.

Percy is poisoned. He passes out and wakes up in the infirmary.

Summer ends and he goes back to his mom, a whole new word to fight for and against.

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Now, I like when Percy sasses the gods and is on good terms with them, but what about him being afraid and wary of them?

I want Percy to keep the Olympians at arm's length while they try to get closer. I want all the Olympians to deal with the rejection and emotional hurt they inflicted on each of their children, ok? Ok.

A concept I really like (aside from this ship) is the idea that purebloods are so used to magic that they have no imagination whatsoever. That is the other reason they seem stuck in time. It's not just that magic and technology don't mix well, but they have so little imagination, such a narrow-minded mentality, that they are shit at coming up with new inventions. They don't change. No new moda, no new music or aesthetic. No new spells. They can't picture themselves flying unaided or locking someone else's tongue or muffling themselves for a private conversation. Magic is so common to them that they are blind to the possibilities. But Severus isn't and neither is Tom. And I also like to imagine that Secerus was the one to invent the spell...

The flying boys

That reminds me: what if Severus taught Tom to fly, not vice versa? It is Severus who obsessively comes up with new spells, it is Severus who sees small Lily literally flying "like a trapeze artist through the air", and it is Severus who discovers the Levicorpus spell.

In the UK they are the only ones canonically doing it. Why would Tom otherwise not teach this useful spell to other Death Eaters? That is their date spell, that is why! Miggle-raised kids have a higher chance of coveting it instead of saying "Well, we have brooms and Apparition, what do we need flying for" like wizard-raised kids would.

Ok...

I need someone in the WW with a gun. Preferably Severus Snape. And I'm not saying he should go and shoot the Marauders or Voldemort. I'm saying that people in the WW are so fucking condescending that I want them to see and understand why exactly there is a statute of secrecy.

I clarify that this is mostly something I see in ff and I'm not sure if it's so much like this in canon. Feel free to tell me.

But back to the point, the amount of wizards compared to muggles is laughable and with the appropiate weaponry wizards are toast.

Also, poverty. I headcanon that the concept of poverty in the WW and in the MW are not the same. People goes on and on about how poor the Weasleys are and, ok, they aren't rich, but with only one working parent they manage in a family of nine? Wtf?

Ok, Ron took his own food instead of buying from the cart on the train, and yes, they used hand-me downs. That doesn't seem like enough reason to view them the way everyone there seems to.

Arthur literally works in the goverment.

Now, lets think about the people we see briefly on Knockturn Alley. They look very poor.

What does poverty entail in the WW?

Lets go step by step.

Assuming you can pay for housing, even if not a very good place, and you are able to afford enough food.

There is no electricity in that world, so that's one thing you don't have to consider. There is gas, maybe, if there are normal ovens. Then water.

And then you have bills to pay for your property.

Then, normally a person would have to pay for the furnishing and clothes they use, correct?

Everything, and I mean everything you own would be used indefinitely.

With no magic things break and clothes wear off. They can also be too big or small. Or maybe you simply don't like them, idk.

With magic everything can be repaired as many times as you need and what you fixed would be as good as new (for exampke, Harry's glasses in the first movie where an 11 years old Hermione fixed them). Clothes, maybe can't be repaired (though I doubt it), but if you are careful, with shrinking and enlarging charms, they could be used for a long time, maybe even by different people. I idk if there is enough transfiguration around for you to change clothes into something you like better. Going by Ron's reaction at the suit he used for what I think was the Yule Ball, I'm guessing you can't (which I find weird, but ok, lets go with that).

Conclussion, clothes and belongings would not be as much of a problem in the WW than in the MW.

Lets go with light, water and gas, yeah?

There is no electricity. You can literally make water appear. The amount of effort required is not specified, but if you had need of clean, drinking water, you can get it. And if you can't afford gas (assuming it's actually necessary in that world), there are spells to start fire, to heat water and who knows if there are actually spells to warm up a person.

Now, lets make thing even more unfortunate and assume you have nowhere to live.

Are you going to tell me that a person wouldn't pull up a Newt Scamander and live in a bag? Hermione charmed her bag in DH, so it can be done. Maybe get a cereal box and charm it to live there, who knows?!

And food. Ok, this may be a real problem, but perhaps there are also ways aroud this. Going and growing your own food it's not easy, but if you can create different micro-climates (again, Newt Scamander), and with spells and potions you can't convince me don't exist, it is possible.

But would it really be necessary? Would a person with magic reach that point when they can go to the MW and use their magic for easy coin? They could go around fixing things with no effort and receive regular payment. They could scam people or rob a house and go to Gringotts. Sure, justifying the money could be a problem, assuming the goblings care. Or they could simply buy everything in the MW and discard Gringotts.

My point, people in the WW would not imagine how things could be if they found themselce with no way out.

Perhaps I'm being unrealistic (even if we are considering magic) and am not seing something or cknsidering other things that would make all of this things too hard to be pulled of. Once more, feel free to tell me.

But lets go back to the gun thing, ok?

Because with all I've read in fanfiction I feel like wizards are portrayed in a way that makes them seem incredibly condescending of muggles while at the same time they manage to remain ridiculously ignorant. And even if I'm going by a lot of what I see in fanfiction, I feel that canon is not very far from it.

So, lets give someone a gun, lets get someone shot, not fatally, so they can tell the tale. Someone should be hit or nearly hit by a car. Damn, make someone get electrocuted. Make them see the effects of drugs.

Take them to a fucking hospital so they may see what its like to break a bone and have to endure a surgery and weeks or even months without being able to use a limb because there's no quick, easy fix.

I have this headcanon that some people in the WW need a reality check.

So...

Dumbledore is a complex character. Some put him as a hero, some as a villain. Both are good, honestly.

I think my favorite representation so far is from "Falling Apart", a Severus Snape centric fic.

And, I'm pretty much a Snape fan.

I'd like a bit of a more friendly relationship between them, but not the mentor-apprentice kind. More like, two very exhausted adults, one too old who thinks he knows everything, one too young, who knows too much and is done with life.

And, please listen here, Severus calls Albus 'Wulfric'.

Imagine, Severus just coming from a meeting and Dumbledore asking in an overly happy manner 'How are you, my boy?', even though Severus told him not to call him that.

'Very well, Wulfric. You?'

'All is well, Percival.'

'Just peachy, Brian.'

All the time. Alone, with Order memebers around, other memebers of staff or in front of Hogwarts' children. He would do it in front of Voldemort if he had the chance.

Imagine, Severus calling Dumbledore 'Wulfric' the same way the headmaster calls Voldemort 'Tom'.

I want to ramble about Doctor Who. I've only seen the last one with the 15th Doctor, so I don't get references to the previous ones, but I want to talk about it!

Now, is Ruby human? Because I think most of the fandom would disagree. In the latest chapter (the Legend of Ruby), it was mentioned that it is posible to pass as a human even when someone is testing your DNA.

Also, who says the person who left Ruby at Ruby Road was actually Ruby's parent? They could be a herald.

Because it is becoming increasingly repetitive that Ruby simply doesn't die.

In the end of 73 yards, Ruby seemingly went back to the point when she broke the fae-ring, but how much of it was the ring?

Ruby said that she'd been WAITING for the woman who turned up to be herself. She waits. Who else in the series is waiting? And what if Ruby's neighbour was there to watch her?

I think it'd be interesting for Ruby to be somehow related to Sutekh or maybe be some kind of sub-creation if them.

It's like Ruby is somehow related to Sutekh being able to pass and reach this world.

Maybe what I'm saying is something that someone else already said or maybe is pure nonsense, but Ruby "died" 3 times already.

With Maestro, Ruby should've been robbed of all music, but somehow the song at her birth is ingrained in her in a way a deity can't take away from her. So maybe a mayor deity put it there?

Then Ruby gets shot and yes, she got revived by the ambulance, but it was a bit too long before they got to hack the system and get it to help Ruby.

And then she died and went back in time in a loop, but how do we know it was because of the fae-ring and not because of Ruby herself? What if the fae-ring only traped her in a specific time-space (and that's why it didn't snow) , but it was Ruby the one who couldn't die?

The one where Sutekh is a good boy...

Ok, look, this makes abso-fucking-lutely no sense. Like, at all. But still, I'm writing it.

I don't know what/who Sutekh was in previous Doctor Who seasons, but going by what I just saw (and I already watched Empire of Death), I want Sutekh to be Doctor's multiversal dog.

I don't know why, but that's what my mind chose to stay with.

I think about Sutekh traveling on the TARDIS and watching the whole universe and time with the Doctor and meeting, if only as an espectator, all those who traveled with the Doctor.

Warning: Liberal use of curse words.

----------------------------------------------------

Imagine Sutekh watching the Doctor risk their own life time and time again to save other people.

Imagine how he could have reacted to the Doctor meeting Ruby, someone who was so ordinary, yet along with her mother had touched so many people's lives. Imagine Sutekh watching them risking it all to get to the goblings and save a baby they met maybe an hour ago, only to end up singing in front of the gobling king.

And then the Doctor freaking out and going to save Ruby.

And then this dog-looking entity finds the mistery of Ruby and starts to get curious about a person, someone who is alive and is not the Doctor.

And Ruby stars traveling with the Doctor (and with him) on TARDIS, and one day, they get to the babies.

And Sutekh never saw much sense in life when everything in the end would be the same, but then he watched the Doctor and Ruby meet all this babies who shouldn't be babies anymore, who shouldn't be living there, pretty much by themselves, terrified of some strange being who lives in the lower part of the ship. Babies who were deemed mistakes, who were supposed to be abandoned, whose lives should ended years ago, who shouldn't even had come into existence.

And the Doctor and Ruby again do their best to save them because even if every other person decided that those kids weren't important, weren't good enough, weren't worth it, they both cared.

And you know what? That weird baby monster (whose origin Sutekh decided to pointedly ignore) with the power to inflict fear even in the Doctor by growling at the right frequence was kind of interesting... I mean, it wouldn't live forever, and Sutekh would make sure of that, but maybe, just maybe a little more time to see what thosee spacial-babies got up to...

Sutekh didn't appreciate Master showing up and causing a ruckus by stealing all music. He didn't get why the Doctor and Ruby cared so much either. It was just music, some noise all put together in some semblance of order and repeated time and time again.

He wasn't expecting the fucking End of Times because there was no music and humans decided to collectively fuck shit up-

And how was it that he still couldn't bring his Empire into existence with this crazy assholes at the proverbial wheel of this world? You take away music and they destroy the planet? Give the world back to the dinosaurs, that's what he says! (But not the cats, NEVER the cats, they already have too much of an ego for his liking...)

Anyways, that's when they go back and try to re-insert music in the world. Ruby plays the piano. She is... not bad.

He was actually not-hating it (he wasn't liking it, he doesn't do "like") when Master decides to show up and interrupt by trying to still the music from Ruby.

Things get really insane from there (but what else is new?) and Master is about to kill Ruby (which doesn't bother him at all, of course) when a Christmas carol starts coming out of that too strange but somehow still perfectly, reasonably ordinary girl. What...?

John Lennon and Paul McCarthy found the chord that expelled Master from this plain of existence. That doesn't surprise Sutekh at all, they were geniuses after all... Not that he knew anything about the Beat- that band he knew nothing at all about.

The Doctor stepped on a mine. The Doctor. Stepped. On a fucking MINE!

Centuries, maybe eons across the galaxy and the time lord goes into a war zone without looking and steps on a mine. Of course they do. Go throw your life away after battling the literal embodiment of death! See who cares!

The tube was a corpse. He didn't know how. He didn't want to know either.

There was a girl then, and even Sutekh knew that a girl of that age in that place was every kind of wrong. That soldier who came looking for her was exasperating. Couldn't she see that they were a bit busy right now trying not to explode?

Right, the Doctor is a time lord, he would make some interesting fireworks all over the planet... And the TARDIS. The TARDIS he was currently on. Shit.

Alright, the soldier had an idea that perhaps may work and- Where the fuck did that came from?! Who did this?! WHO-?!

Ruby was dying and that idiotic ambulance wouldn't do shit to help and the Doctor was still on the mine and WHY was that girl still here?!

The mine would activate eventually regardless of what the Doctor did and those two soldiers could not hack the system to make it help Ruby or the Doctor and the girl was talking with an hologram of his late father and watching photos and everything was wrong. Wrong, wrong. WRONG!

Ruby was still on the floor and didn't seem to be breathing and the Doctor was talking and... what did he mean? He didn't understand? The system? The ambulances? The war and the-?

THEY WERE A BUNCH OF FUCKING IDIOTS!!

This "soldiers" had been going to die at the hands of stupid robots thinking that they were at war with some kind of hostile alien race that probably was not even real and they were getting hi-Ruby and the Doctor killed!

And they had the gal to doubt the Doctor when he was basically spelling it out to them!

And did that guy really just confess his love to the other soldier? Now? Really?!

The hologram was the actual father of the girl yet. Sort of. Somehow. Somewhere. Sutekh didn't know. He didn't know either how the Doctor managed to convince it (him? Who cares!) to hack the system to help them, but they managed and-

The ambulances were attacking them. Great. Why not?

And the Doctor was still standing on the mine. Sure, whatever. Then-

Go, you weird hologram who definitely shouldn't be so sentient and have so much capacity for decision-making!!!!!

He released a great sigh when they left that planet (finally!). Ruby was alive, the Doctor hadn't exploded and Sutekh was on his spot over the TARDIS.

See? This was a clear show of the reasons life was simply ridiculous and way too chaotic.

Death was the final answer... Or not so final if the hologram of the girl's dad was anything to go by. Sutekh had never cared too much about what the living thought happened with them after death, he already knew... or thought he knew...

Nop. Not today. There had been more than enough stress already.

Sutekh then decided to rest. He got himself comfortable over the TARDIS and laid his head over his crossed paws, slowly falling asleep.

He suddenly opened his eyes, unable to decide if he should hit his own head repeatedly against TARDIS' roof or simply throw himself into the void and disappear along with his own sheer stupidity.

The woman in the ambulance. The ambulance. It was his, one of the multiple copies he made to plant across the universe. It was all him. His fault. He nearly killed Ruby and the Doctor. He...

Doesn't care. That's pretty much what he's trying to do, anyways. So what?

He settled back to rest and tried to sleep. It wasn't as comfortable as before.

Every person in this planet is so annoying, Sutekh cannot even begin to describe it. They were being eaten by slugs. Fucking. Slugs.

And those things ate over half the population before these idiots realised.

No, allow him to correct himself: Those things had had a feast with over half the population by the time Ruby and the Doctor stumbled across this planet and decided to try and save this stupid, ungrateful shits.

The girl couldn't walk. Sutekh gave up. This was more than what he was able to tolerate. It was just too much.

Then that boy appeared and wasn't a complete dumbass. So maybe Ruby and the Doctor's efforts weren't completely wasted... Not that it was worth anything, anyways. Everyone dies in the end.

The dots were behind the attack of the slugs. Honestly, couldn't they swith sides and help the dots instead? They were nice and easy to carry and could play music. How many of the fuckers in this planet could do that, huh?

He felt it, the moment the other boy's heart stopped beating. Then the girl met with Ruby and the Doctor by the river and said something about him going back to save others.

Lies.

Sutekh didn't want her on TARDIS. She wasn't worth it, she wasn't worthy and she... she could be dangerous for Ruby and for the Doctor. He needed to do something before-

Those people were speaking, saying something in response to the Doctor's (too generous) offer to come with him and-

MOTHERFUCKING RACIST BITCHES!!!!

Go and keep your stupid planet, and stupid forest and slugs. Without WIFI. Do you know where you can find WIFI? In TARDIS, that's where!

Sutekh's mood was definitely awful by the time he heard the screaming Doctor.

He didn't get it. Why did they care so much? This people didn't deserve their care.

But nevertheless, the Doctor yelled himself hoarse and cried in despair.

Ruby hugged him.

Sutekh felt a very uncomfortable knot in his chest.

They were visiting the past-Earth so Ruby and the Doctor could have their "Bridgerton experience". That didn't mean much to Sutekh since all knowing and ever present entities didn't care about such trivialities as human entertainment.

(Also, Penelophe deserved better.)

The Doctor met some random guy who invited him to go outside... And wasn't that a bit foward for this time?

There was a space ship. Random-guy was a bounty hunter and thought that the Doctor was from some shape-shifting alien race that killed people and took their places in a twisted play that had no point in Sutekh's opinion.

Also, the guy called himself Rogue. Took the name from DND. Huh...

Doctor, you don't keep flirting with the dude who is threatening to kill you, that's not how it work!

Why did it work?!

And why is he on TARDIS? He is not Ruby, he is not the Doctor either. He is not an anomaly, he is not interesting. Why is he on TARDIS?

Why would the Doctor want this guy to come with them? He's another of the thousands of bounty hunters that roam the Universe with the sole purpose of earning money. And ok, that wasn't bad, per se. But it wasn't funny either... Not that he'd been having fun watching the Doctor and Ruby.

Oh, right, the shifter was still on the party with all those people... AND RUBY.

Fuck! Doctor, what are you waiting for?! That girl can be a real trouble magnet!

With some luck, she is still with that other boring girl.

The Doctor and Rogue were dancing and making a scandal of themselves, trying to attract the shifter. The Doctor also looked very... content, not like they did with Ruby but...

Maybe there was something to this Rogue- guy after all, if he could make the Doctor so happy with only a short dance.

He seems a bit rusty in the acting department though, the Doctor was carrying the whole show over his own shoulders and-

Wait, is Rogue kneeling? He is! He did! And he has a ring too!! And-

*cough cough*

Not that Sutekh cared. He doesn't give a damn about some fake marriage proposal of some fake gay couple.

Nevertheless, he is willing to allow Rogue on TARDIS after such and improvisation. He is gracious like that.

There were more shifters. And they liked the Doctor, they wanted to replace him too (as if they ever could...)

The shifters got to Ruby. They got to his the girl.

Now the shifters were celebrating a fake wedding with fake-Ruby as the bride.

The Doctor and Rogue got the shifters trapped into the portal and were about to send them away when fake-Ruby started a last ditch attempt to save herself by saying she was the real Ruby, but that couldn't be, for the mannerisms and even the scent of fake-Ruby was like that of the shifters Sutekh had encountered throughout his life.

Then the shifter that attacked Ruby appeared. Fake-Ruby was no fake and she was now trapped in the portal with the other shifters. She'd be sent to a desolate nightmare dimension with those creatures and she'd be on her own, if the Doctor didn't do something, anything. But there was nothing to do now, or the shifters would escape and break havoc.

Ruby was crying, all the while reassuring the Doctor, saying that it was ok.

It fucking wasn't.

Rogue asked the Doctor if they could give up a friend for the world. The Doctor said they couldn't and Sutekh... Sutekh thought he might understand.

Then Rogue kissed the Doctor. He took the detonator from their hand. The Doctor was crying and Rogue looked so fucking sorry.

Was he going to sacrifice Ruby? If he dared to...

Rogue jumped toward Ruby and pushed her out of the still inactive portal.

He threw the flowers at the Doctor.

'Find me'. That was all the bounty hunter said before activating the portal and falling with the shifters into some remote part of the Universe.

The Doctor kept trying to act as if everything was fine. As if they were fine. They weren't and they had no reason to.

Sutekh had been bringing death to this Universe since the Beginning and he knew loss, if only by watching it in others. People needed to mourn. This wasn't right.

But Ruby was there and she cut straight through the Doctor's bullshit.

They hugged and cried.

Sutekh, at the end, didn't dislike the bounty hunter. And Rogue had saved Ruby. He did it for the Doctor, didn't he? At least, that was all Sutekh could assume.

Why though? Why give it all for the happiness of someone you just met?

Perhaps Rogue was an anomaly too, after all.

An anomaly that was lost in some knot of the immense tapestry that were time and space. Imposble to track.

At least, impossible when you are not a death-deity with the ability to sense every living being in the Universe.

As things were, Sutekh was and could. So, he'd guide TARDIS. A little deviation from its intended course to the place were he had tracked the bounty hunter.

Then, Sutekh would add him to his collection of Oddities.

(And if it made a certain Doctor happy, so what?)

The hardest part was convincing TARDIS of cooperating with him instead of the Doctor for once. But she complied once he told her about his plan.

The TARDIS was stuck in a death-world while Ruby and the Doctor went out to find some piece of metal to fix the (very much not at all broken) TARDIS.

They were attacked by one of the shifters, but the creature was swiftly dealt with. It was also easily recognised.

The search for metal quickly changed to a search for Rogue.

They found him hiding away, dirty and hungry, in quite the deplorable state. But, and this Sutekh knew, Rogue was very much alive. The man was strong and had a good survival instincts.

Rogue was disbelieving, half convinced the Doctor and Ruby were the shifters. The Doctor reasoned that the only way for the shifter to replace them was by killing them. For that they had to be there and if they were there, there was no way the shifters got close enough to attack them and succeed. A bit of a twisted logic, if you ask Sutekh, but Rogue seemed to take it. The man was exhausted and probably desparate, so...

In their way back to TARDIS, they found the rest of the shifters.

On the upside, Rogue was sure now that Ruby and the Doctor were real. On the downside, angry and violent shifters.

But Ruby, the little marvel, had put on her earrings.

Sutekh had never seen such a graceful and impecable display of violence. He may take a look into MMA tournaments some time in the future... For research purposes, of course. He couldn't care less about these mortal petty activities.

They reached TARDIS, with a couple of the remaining shifter on their tail.

That's when they realised they had forgotten to look for a piece of metal.

It didn't matter, TARDIS wasn't broken. The Doctor surely would make another attempt at restarting TARDIS and she would function just fine. Except that she didn't.

Sutekh questioned her about it. He suppressed the urge to face-palmed, hard, when she explained that she didn't want to trick her creator, so she broke herself. It was just a minor thing, really, but now she truly needed a piece of metal.

The shifters were back now, banging at the door, the wood quickly cracking under the relentless assault.

The three passengers were frantic, looking for some metal chunk that'd work to fix TARDIS.

Sutekh was mad. At TARDIS for being so reckless, but also at himself for unknowingly asking such a thing of her.

But he wasn't just angry. There was and awful ball of something twisting in his stomach when he thought about TARDIS hurting herself at his request. About Ruby, the Doctor and Rogue, in danger because of his carelessness. It was the same feeling that had assaulted him a while back when they were leaving that war-zone of a planet and he realised the ambulance had been one of his creations. He felt bad, but he didn't understood why he cared. He felt... was this guilt? He didn't like it. He didn't.

Ruby screeched in fear when a big chunck of the door flew past her head, the shifters still banging at it.

The sound brought Sutekh back to reality.

Metal, they needed metal. A big piece, the Doctor had said. Something around the size of a human fist, something like...

Sutekh quickly undid his own collar and maneuvered one of its rings out. He put it inside one of TARDIS' compartments and she let it fall at the Doctor's feet. They used it to fix TARDIS and leave the planet.

Ten minutes after their departure and a heartfelt embrace from Rogue and Doctor (coupled with a Ruby Sunday patented hug for Rogue as a thanks for saving her), Sutekh could finally breath again.

Only for his own brain to halt when he realised a tiny, little detail about the previous ordeal. Not only had he guided TARDIS to Rogue and plotted with her to find and rescue him, but he had also helped Ruby, the Doctor and Rogue to fix TARDIS. This time, he hadn't been just a witness of the events. He had helped.

He had helped.

He had helped.

He had helped.

He had helped.

And with a pitiful whine, Sutekh covered his head with both paws and tried to sleep his shame and confusion away.

TARDIS laughed at him. The fucker.

Things pretty much fell into a rutine after that. Or as close to a rutine as it could be with the Doctor.

Rogue and the Doctor grew closer by the day while Ruby tried to (not-so-subtly) get them into different date-like situations. Sutekh learned about the new concept of "ships" and "shiping". It has noting to do with sailig, but it is a bit interesting. Only a little bit.

And of course, the trio fell into uncountable dangerous situations.

Sometimes they got themselves out of troubles all on their own. But there were times when they didn't. Those times, Sutekh teamed up with TARDIS to rescue their Oddities. (Usually Sutekh wouldn't share, but TARDIS was a very valuable ally and he also appreciated her input and their conversations. Sutekh ignored TARDIS when she threw in the word "friandship".)

And so, there was the time the space-pirates tried to feed them to the intergalactic kraken and the TARDIS teleported "on her own" to a spot conveniently located below them before they fell into the mouth of the crearure.

Or that time when those huge quimera-like creatures were about to get them, and the rocks over the cliff they were under fell all over the monsters.

Or that time when the key-card of that guard "slipped" out of his pocket and fell just into Ruby's reach so she could get the three of them out of their cells.

All in all, it wasn't bad. Sutekh had his spot over TARDIS and his little Anomalies lived and went on adventures and helped people around the galaxy. All the while unaware of the strange and unlikely being who reluctantly (not really, but shhh...) got them out of the most difficult troubles (it'a pronounced "taking care of them", but he is not ready to say it yet).

Then, one day, the three of them were cornered by a group of dream sucking, mosquito-lizard beings. They suck you dry and leave you as a shell of your former self. Most end their own existence after that.

There was no rocks to throw, no void to jump into, no door to be magically opened. So he did the one think he knew how to do best: He blew his sand.

Immediately the disgusting creatures turned to asshes. The trio ran away, back to TARDIS, ancient artifact they were retrieving in hand.

The Doctor set course back to the mother planet of the ugly rock they were in. Ruby and Rogue decided to call it a day and go to sleep.

Around an hour later, the Doctor started talking. It wasn't weird, not even uncommon, for the Doctor to chat with TARDIS.

Except...

'Sutekh,' he called.

The dog-like deity debated with himself for long seconds. Should he keep hiding? The Doctor clearly knew he was there, but maybe-

The Doctor started looking for something in one of the inside pockets of his jacket.

'I wasn't sure where I had seen this before,' they started saying, showing of the ring Sutekh had taken off his collar so the Doctor could fix TARDIS. 'But I knew I had and it gave some very unusal lectures when scanned by TARDIS'. The Doctor was smiling at noting in particular, speaking loud enough to be heard in the room, but not too much, in order to allow the rest of TARDIS' small crew thir due rest. 'And today, with that sand...' The Doctor didn't continue, chuckling and denying with his head instead, as if amused at some ridiculous story someone was telling him.

'Show yourself, please' they asked then, quietly, carefully, as if speaking to a scared child.

Sutekh should have been very offended. Instead, he materialized in front of the Doctor, using a smaller version of his usual form. The Doctor was actually taller than him now.

The time lord sat on the floor in such a way it was Sutekh now the one towering over them.

'So...,' the Doctor started. 'Care to explain yourself?' They sounded curious. Not angry, scared or resentful. Just curious, as if discovering the embodiment of death in your time maching was an every day thing.

'I hid,' Sutekh chose to start with. 'When you intended to throw me into the void, I got to TARDIS. I've been hiding here since then.'

'And weren't you planning your revenge? A way to make all life end and create your own desolate galaxy?' The tone was playful, but there was wariness underneath it all.

Sutekh didn't answer. He wasn't sure why, but the idea of confessing his previous plans was somehow worse than being discovered in TARDIS.

He had just enough time to realize he refered to his own plans as a thing from the past, when the Doctor spoke again.

'What's changed?'

Sutekh wasn't sure what the Doctor had seen in him during the few seconds he stayed silent, but he sounded less uncertain and more exited.

And he didn't know why, but that was a good thing.

'I belive...' he said, thinking over his answer. 'I belive, it was me.'

That realisation was as terrifying as it was exhilarating. And Sutekh had no idea what to do with it.

The Doctor stood up then, swiftly and gracefuly, as he always did. He walked to the controls of TARDIS, then looked at him with a broad smile.

'Then?, they asked. 'Where should we go next?'

Sutekh couldn't help but return the smile.

He was unsure, painfully so, and for the first time in his very long life. There was still a lot of bad blood between them, and even if Ruby didn't know who he was, Rogue was sure going to know something about him.

But looking at the smiling, lonely and too fogiving Doctor in front of him, with the bipping sounds of TARDIS in the backround, Sutekh decided that it was ok.

They had time to dealt with it all.

I've been reading a lot of Bill Redeption fics, and I've noticed how Mabel is usually the first to warm up to the triangle.

Now, I've seen a post sugesting a scenario where she is the last instead, because of all the shit he put her trough during Weirdmagedon with the Dream Bubble. And it's true, it would be good to read.

But is there any fic where the first to warm up to Bill is Dipper?

I'd like to see Dipper reluctuanly getting closer to the Dorito because he is curious like his grunkle Ford was, but also because with all of Bill's weirdness and crazyness, Dipper can't help but be reminded of Mabel. I want Dipper to take a look at this strange and now very lost creature trying to make sense of his insane, new reality in his own way and see Mabel. See her in the weird things Bill could sugest to eat, on the strange ways he'd like to have fun, on the risks Bill would sometimes take without realising, on his wish to always have fun, on his constant talking, on his need to be seen and heard and not to be alone.

I want him to take a look at this no longer so evil Dorito and find his sister on him.

And how could anyone so alike to his sister be completely bad?

And then, on the other side would be Bill, seeing Dipper and being unable to not see Ford the way he first found him, naive, cautious with others but so eager to know more. Not a substitute, never that, but a memory of old, good times.

Just... think, try to imagine this.

Red Riding Hood

I'm quite sure most people on tumblr have already read of a story with Red Riding Hood falling for the wolf and what not, but has anyone ever found one about the wolf finding this child alone in the woods and thinking: Why are you ALONE in a forest full of wild animals and monsters?!?! Where are your parents?!?!?

Then the wolf realises that the girl is being neglected to a practically critical point and decides to adopt her or perhaps the little girl starts following the nice man that took her to visit her granny safely and knows where to find the best and juiciest berries.

Anyways, eventually there is a missing report filled not by the girl's parents but by Hood's grandma. And of course, noone would even think abount getting into the deep part of the forest. Cue to bounty hunter, a.k.a The Woodman, who takes the job mainly on principle (granny is not exactly a wealthy woman) an goes looking for the girl.

He finds her and tries to make her go with him when he is suddenly attacked by this huge creature who then turns into a man an treathens to maim him if he even DARES looking at his little Hood the wrong way.

Woodman tries to explain himself and tells him that the girl's grandma is worried beyond words.

Wolf hesitates before looking at his little girl who smiles gleefuly only thinking about visiting her grandma.

And Wolf doesn't want to part from Hood, but he wants her to be her happiest, so he mentally prepares himself for the moment he has to let her go and allows Woodman to lead the way to granny's.

Woodman is kinda shocked, kinda confused when the Wolf scoops the little girl and carries her most of the way, chatting and laughing with her until she asks to walk so she can look for bugs on the way.

He sees the sadness in his eyes the moment the girl is distracted and a pang of sympathy stirres in his chest at those pretty green eyes filled with sorrow and loneliness.

But then they make it to granny's. That woman opens the door, looks at the Woodman, the Wolf and Hood, the later with her little hand in the shifter's big one, all smiles and sunshine as if she hadn't disappeared for MONTHS, and drags the three of them into her house, practicaly shoving snacks and hot chocolated in front of them because her little grandaughter had never before been so happy and relaxed with anyone else above her own age (if even). In short, if this wolf/man of a shifter was her family of choice, then she'll bake extra brownie.

And maybe some cake... that should be enough to feed the blushing woodman sitting next to the happy wolf.