Tied Up & Kneeling

‘Jennifer’s Body’ (2009) dir. Karyn Kusama

𝓓𝓪𝔂 8 - A Concept Of Desire || Khonshu x fem!reader

Masterlist

Summary: In the wake of centuries of longing, Khonshu realizes that the girl who works with his avatar, Jake Lockley, is responsible for rekindling his hidden desires.

Warnings: smut (unprotected p in v, hair pulling)

Word count: 1757

Author: Rouge

A/N: the prompt for today is: Hair Pulling orange italics - Jake speaking Spanish

The concept of desire was defined as a psychological force that ultimately fabricates a need, a craving, or lust, most commonly and aptly associated with a sexual longing.

Khonshu's situation was no different. He could say with great certainty that nearly all males have experienced this torment. The unbridled desire for sexual pleasure ran through his veins. A burning sensation in Khonshu's stomach, a reminder of the hunger he could not satiate, the thirst he could not quench. Khosnhu sometimes felt woeful - he always thought he was above the basic human instincts, the primal needs that people eagerly sought. Yet there he was, engrossed in his own desires, centuries old longings still unfulfilled.

As you walked into the bar each week to meet Jake Lockley, 8 pm - his nostrils flared, his pulse soared - physiological reminders of Khonshu's desires and cacoethes.

This week was no different, Khonshu was at the bar, invisible to all but Jake. The week was like all others that came before, that evening was no different; but when you and Jake locked eyes like you did those many moons ago, the fire in Khonshu resurged - he was never to have you as you were just a mortal being, but he couldn't deny his inner desires, burning himself like a blazing fire, his imagination running wild as his glance moved along the curves of your figure.

You were a smaller woman, you were perhaps 160 centimeters tall, but the heels you wore were so deceptive - and Khonshu realized with astonishment that he was quite attracted to women of smaller stature.

The shoes paired perfectly with your seductive black, garter leg wraps. The tight leg straps highlighted your healthy skin, your perfectly toned legs flowed into a stunning red-velvet corset-dress that hugged your bust and curves perfectly. He looked up at your matte, red lips; your smoky eyeshadow highlighted your beautiful Y/E/C eyes, which transported him to a place of ecstasy, a realm of euphoria. In a way, it was as if you had fallen from heavens and reminded mere mortals what it would be like to be sculpted by the Gods. Beauty is, and forever will be in the eye of the beholder, Khonshu reminded himself.

Khonshu knew that lust could last for months, years, even centuries. In spite of this, his passion seemed to have been brewing for only a few weeks, five, maybe six - when his mind was torturing him, he lost track of time. Despite not brewing for that long, his concoction of lust was explosive and effervescent. 

Thoughts of the good, the bad, and the naughty whirred through Khonshu's mind as a sense of controlled panic overcame him as he finally locked onto a more clear-cut image in his own subconscious and plunged into his own imagination as he remained trancened by your hypnotic gaze.

If Khonshu were mortal, he would love nothing more than to sink his inquisitive fingers, adventurous tongue, and plump lips between your legs.

With his venous and vascular hands, Khonshu would stroke one of your breasts, kissing the trail from your navel to your abdomen. Besides twirling your nipple between his thumb and forefinger, he would wrap his lips around your other nipple, flick it, and swirl your areola clockwise with his tongue. After incorporating some teeth, Khonshu will continue ascending towards your neck. Your hair would be brushed aside in a loving and caring manner. Khonshu would nibble on your earlobes while moaning and whispering in your ear; sweet nothings and dirty talks echoing in your ear canal.

Taking another deep breath, Khonshu reabsorbed himself into his vivid imagination once more after a brief lapse in concentration as he listened to your conversation with Lockley about yet another target. The god was thinking about the morning after.

It would be heaven spooning you. His cock would be squeezed between your legs tightly due to its stiffness and fatness. 

You would send shivers down his spine as you scratched his abdomen with your velvet, red, and freshly manicured nails. During the time that his lips would feel comfortable on yours, the veiny ridges on his cock would stimulate your pussy, allowing your tight, little, sweet-nectar slit to do its job and coat his hardened shaft with your slick wetness. Khonshu would gently pull back your hair, a good clump in his tight fisted hands; he would tug at it harder and harder if you didn't protest. The stout lips of his mouth would trace the back and side of your neck as he kissed you, once again whispering sweet nothings and dirty teases - what he was going to do to you, how he was going to enjoy you and your gorgeous body.

Khonshu would detach his hips from you after a while to angle his body to tease the slit with his swollen cock, already glistening in his pre-cum. In slow motion, his digits would explore every curve around your waist, rubbing your clit occasionally as well. "Do you think you deserve this?" Khonshu would whisper softly into your ear. Determined to get as deep as possible, he would pick up your smaller frame and throw you passionately onto the bed again. While your legs rested over Khonshu's broad shoulders, he would kiss down the inside of your thighs. His one hand would be placed at the base of his shaft, angled downward to push his cock inside you slowly, while his other hand would be placed on your clit to rub it gently.

He would push deeply into your pussy, then trace his fingers up your neck, wrapping them around it possessively, before leaning forward to change the angle of penetration and pushing even harder. He would reach up and grab a handful of your hair. By wrapping it around his hand and holding your hips in the other, he would drive his dick into your waiting pussy. After pulling out his shaft, he would slap it on your pussy lips, which would elicit a grunt from your parted lips. A delicious, wet echo would emanate from Khonshu's hefty cock in harmony with your beautiful slit.

Khonshu would then turn you over and push you to your knees. Pushing your head into a pillow, you would try to muffle the whimper of pleasure as he again slipped his length into you. Khonshu would lean forward to yank his arm around your waist, to play with your nipples, as his torso rested on your arched back. In the process, he would grab your hair and pull it tightly into a ponytail, causing you to roll your eyes while a moan escaped your lips as he pounded into your pussy from behind. Khonshu would pull your hair harder the harder he thrust. You would try to escape the position for a pleasure so primal and intense would overwhelm your body, setting a knot in your abdomen that was so tight it was only a matter of time before it snapped. You would be drawn to Khonshu by his hand in your hair, hardly tugging. “And where do you think you’re going, Y/N?” He would groan angrily. “Better be a good girl and stick your ass more to me, otherwise I’ll have to rip your hair off.”

His lower torso would smash into your magnificent arse as he grasped your hip tightly with one hand. He would use his hands not only to compliment each thrust and pull you in deeper, but also to create red handprints on your ass. Khonshu would pull at your hair and spank your ass occasionally. Whenever you tried to lay your chest on the bed, he would tug on your ponytail, urging you back into a position that would allow him to penetrate deeper into your pussy. 

The urge to release his load would tighten his balls and make his cock twitch.

Your moans would become louder. "Harder! Fuck me harder!" You would plead.

Having no choice but to obey his desires, the dam would be broken and his cum would be released; his seed filling your pussy, dripping from your body when he pulled his cock out.

After the intercourse, Khonshu would cuddle your face against his chest.

Khonshu's reverie was interrupted by Jake's thick accent, "Khonshu? Are you even listening?"

The Egyptian God of the Moon tilted his skull head slightly, looking at Lockley. "Could you please rephrase that, Jake?"

As Jake frowned, he put his hand on his gear lever as the idiot driving in front abruptly braked. “Por Dios, ¿y ahora qué te pasa?”

Despite not even intending to reply to Jake, Khonshu asked simply, "What was your question again?"

After Jake parked the limo in front of his apartment, he turned off the engine and placed his arm around the headrest of Khonshu's seat. "I was wondering if it would be okay if Y/N stayed here for a day or two. Since we're working together on that guy, it would be easier, you know, ol' bird."

Khonshu poked Jake with his beak on the shoulder. “You can trust me when I say I have no objection to Y/N visiting us, my friend. She might stay as long as she needs to."

The frown on Jake's face deepened; he could not persuade Khonshu to let him bring a girl into the apartment for a date or just a friendly meeting. The situation is dangerous, more for her than for us, Khonshu would argue. Jake pulled the keys out of the ignition switch, asking, "Since when are you so willing to let extraños into nuestro apartamento?"

Khonshu shrugged his shoulders in response, exiting the car quickly. "If we want to deliver the vengeance soon, we've got a lot of planning to do."Jake watched the tall, lanky figure enter the apartment and disappear into the darkness. A smile spread across Lockley's face. In spite of being Khonshu's avatar and not much else, he knew things. It was little known to Khonshu that Jake was able to sense god's true, hidden feelings, especially those that were so intense. The smirk on Jake's lips did not fade as he stepped out of the limo to join Khonshu. In order to complete the job, Jake was willing to do whatever it took to lure you into his apartment. In addition to planning, this was also a way of releasing Jake’s own male greed. Perhaps Khonshu would also be able to make use of his hidden lust.

Shigadabi mer!AU

Misc. Food Art - (2020)

I don’t only draw superheroes, I draw food too from time to time :3

A New Uniform

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky is in need of new mission attire. You help him get all the details of his new suit, and the two of you relish in the new look of Bucky Barnes.

Warnings: fluff. Pet name (sweetheart). Working on the details ppl, it’s a process. Shy Bucky

A/N: Howdy! Flabbergasted by the response on my last post *gasp* Also did not expect almost 100 followers within my first two months on this app. #feelinggrateful

“What’s going on in that handsome head of yours?”

Bucky glanced up at you with a smirk which he was most definitely trying to hide. His hand brushed through his fluffy short brown hair as he sat back in his chair.

“Steve says I need a mission suit. Something less, winter soldier-ish, I guess.”

He was clearly flustered. There were lots of scribbles on his legal pad. Some words and a few sketches, a few pens snapped in half from Bucky’s strong grip were thrown off to the side next to his cup of black coffee.

You sighed and lightly placed your hand on his shoulder, rubbing your thumb soothingly in circles as your head rested on his opposite shoulder. Leaning his head on yours, Bucky muttered a quick, “I don’t know,” before tossing his pen on the notepad.

“What do you want in a suit?”

Bucky took a moment to compose his thoughts. “Something comfortable, maybe a suit that doesn’t restrict,” he motioned to his arm, “ya know that, and oh,” his expression brightened as he said, “pockets! Lots of pockets.”

“Okay fair points,” you lightly chuckled as you sat on his lap looking between him and the notepad. Bucky’s hand came to rest around your waist while his head rested on your arm.

“Let’s start at material,” you said assuringly, taking the pen from the notepad and scribbling the word material in a blank space.

“I usually wear black,” Bucky muttered.

“You said you wanted something less from your past right? What other colors do you like?”

“My ma always said blue looked good on me. She said it matches my eyes,” Bucky’s eyes stared off into nothing as he remembered his mother. Your touch finally broke his train of thought while you ran your hand lightly up and down his arm.

“What about navy hm? It’s a nice transition from the all black. I agree with your mom, but I just really love your eyes.”

“Thanks, sweetheart,” he murmured completely blushing. “I like navy.” He was in awe of your thinking. It was a silly superhero suit, but it was more than that to him. It was a step in a new direction and for you to want to help him and care about it, that was everything to Bucky.

“Okay and you want comfort, no left sleeve, and pockets,” you mumbled while scribbling down all that you said.

“Lots of pockets,” Bucky added in a playful tone.

“Lots of pockets,” you teased back with a giggle, turning to him with a smile.

———

It was two weeks later and Bucky was anxious up until now when he got his suit from whoever makes all the Avengers suits. It was packaged in a nice box, addressed politely to Sargent James Buchanan Barnes.

You sat excitedly waiting for Bucky to walk out into the living room. The rest of the team was out on missions, so it was just you and Bucky to take in his new look.

Finally, he stepped out, first, you saw his boots which were his usual black boots that he had worn for forever. Then his pants which were new black leather, they were sleek with small red detailing just below his hips.

The real pièce de résistance of it all was the shirt, a nice navy leather covered his chest with one black strap placed across his chest, the same red from the pants making little appearances on the apparel. His waist was perfectly fitted to the leather, slim but oh so sexy.

He looked nervous as he stepped out, clearly worried about your opinion. Taking a few more steps, he stood showing off his new look. Confidence was spread all across his face the second he saw your expression.

“You look so handsome Buck,” you said in awe of your boyfriend.

“Comfortable?” You asked, standing up from your chair.

“Very,” Bucky replied looking down and taking in his look once more. “Look,” he said all excited taking your hand and pulling you towards him.

“Pockets,” he whispered like a kid telling you a secret. He turned a few times to show the pockets laid out around his suit. The two of you laughed and giggled as you took in every little detail of the suit, ooing and aweing at certain features that were minuscule to the average person but important to Avengers.

There were lots of great things about this moment but the best feeling was seeing Bucky not as the winter soldier, but much more than his previous title. He would tell you often of how sometimes when he looks in the mirror, he still sees the winter soldier. He pictures himself with the long greasy hair and the scowl, as if that part of him is coinciding with him always.

“So, do I look like a superhero?”

“Yes, but also,” you came around to look in the mirror with him. Your hands placed at each side of his arms, with the two of you just taking in his look.

“You look like Bucky. Just Bucky.”

Bucky was no one else but himself, and for the first time in a long time, he agreed with you.

The Order of The Avengers - Master post (2021 ~)

FINISHED ARTWORKS AND SERIES

Character Portraits - PART ONE

Character Portraits - PART TWO

The Order of The Wakandan Tribes

Calendar 2022 - PART ONE

Calendar 2022 - PART TWO

“Look what the horse dragged in”

The Stairs

Digital Watercolor Portraits

The Magician

———

MISC STUDIES

King Steve (B&W)

King Steve, color portrait

Misc Studies feat. Steve and Dr Strange

White hair Clint Barton

Down With Love: Preview

((not my gif, I couldn’t find it!! :( )), but none the less….this is bucky’s look. for obvious reasons

                                            The summary:

Bucky Barnes had been through a lot In his lifetime, so he thanked the stars when he met you. You had met by chance, which led to the two of you happy in a relationship in the Heart of New York. After three months of living together, you finally bring up the former Russian Assasin’s newest nightmare - meeting your parents.

notes: only a preview and starting a FRESH tag list for this one. A Little bit of sexy times mentioned.

7:46 pm., new york.

It had been twenty minutes in, and you couldn’t believe that you felt as if you were watching it for the first time. Snuggled in your blankets, you had no care in the world as you watched your small screen paint the picture of your favorite film. Unable to hold back your grin, the grit, and comedy of When Harry Met Sally had echoed throughout your apartment. It wasn’t the only sound, however, you could hear Nat King Cole from the bedroom. You were all dressed for the night, wearing your best dress - your rather distinguished coat you only wore on special occasions. You were told earlier today to dress in such a way, for some reason tonight was special - and the more you thought about it, the more your heart would race. You pulled your eyes from the TV for only a moment, not realizing that you would freeze at the sight of the man you lived with walking out of your shared room. Bucky Barnes, dressed in only slacks and a button up shirt - paired with the leather jacket you loved. 

“And what do you think you’re doing?” He grinned, his eyes trailing across your blanket.

“Just catching a few minutes.” You bit your lip, feeling your heart flutter at how good he looked.

“Few minutes?” Bucky questioned, his boots clicking across your hardwood floors - he stood just to the side of you, releasing a soft chuckle.

“What?” You sounded almost too defensive, “Aw come on, you were taking too long.”

“I was taking too long, huh?” Bucky smirked down at you, “Darlin, you watch this movie four times a week. This ain’t got nothing to do with me taking too long.”

“Fair.” You hid your smile, looking back to the screen, “I just can’t help it, their story is so-”

Bucky sighed, dropping to the couch - he placed his arm behind you. There he sat beside you, his blue eyes staring with a hint of amusement.

“Don’t look at me like that!” You playfully hit his chest, “This is a story that-”

“I know.” He grinned, “Watch it all you want, doll.”

“Oh so this is the big night, huh?” You could only smile, trailing his features - appreciating the haircut he got last week.

“Well-” Bucky took a deep breath, looking to his watch, “We have reservations at eight. But we can skip them.”

“What is up with you?” You furrowed your brow, noticing that he hadn’t stopped smiling since he entered the room.

“I just think it’s cute.” He chuckled, his hand slowly making it’s way to your hair - playing softly with the strands you could tell he was transfixed.

“What?” You crossed your arms, suddenly curious.

“You look beautiful,” Bucky whispered, his finger finding your knock-off diamond earing. Playing once again, you watched his lips form a smirk.

“Don’t start that-” You took a breath, feeling your heart race speed up with every touch, “We’ll never get out of here.”

“I think we can afford to-” Bucky whispered deviously, and before you could protest - his lips had nearly lunged forward to your neck, kissing in just the right spot, nibbling to make his mark.

Your daily dose of cat memes

Everyone's Watching Him (But He's Looking At Her) (4)

Actor!Bucky Barnes × Assistant!Fem!Reader

< < PART 3 | Series Masterlist

Summary: Bucky begrudgingly undertakes his press tour and PR relationship with Sharon as you question if you can continue your job whilst watching him fall in love with someone else.

Warnings: shy & insecure reader, angst, idiots in love, miscommunication, soft fluff and an extremely happy ending 👀

Word count: 4.0k

A/N: photo credit by @bwsebastianstan, dividers by @vase-of-lilies

Main Masterlist | Ask me anything! | Taglist | Library

You can’t even look at him.

That’s what destroys Bucky the most.

The past week he’s been completely deprived of the soothing comfort he feels when your eyes meet his in a crowded room.

You’re seemingly so disgusted that he would stoop so low as to fake an entire relationship to promote some stupid movie that you can’t even look at him.

Between all the cameramen, producers, make up artists and rotating allotment of interviewers, whose eyes are all focussed on him, you’re the only person in the room who isn’t gazing in his direction, when your attention is the only one he cares about.

Each time he looks up, eyes instinctively searching for you, it feels like a dagger twisting in his heart to find you’re still acting as if he’s not there. Bucky’s found himself perpetually stuck in your blind spot, and he doesn’t think he’s ever felt as alone and desperate for someone to notice him whilst simultaneously being the centre of attention, in all his life.

No one’s interested in the movie, the intricate plot, the dynamic between the characters or even the difficult stunts he performed himself, all anyones asking questions about is Bucky and Sharon’s supposed relationship and the manner in which they got together after months of filming.

He can’t blame Sharon for playing the part perfectly, like the extraordinary actress she is, this is her chance to create a name for herself in this ruthless business and she’s pulling out all stops to make it count.

But Bucky hates it.

This is not why he became an actor and it would mortify his younger self to think this is all his career boils down to.

“And cut!” Someone yells and all of a sudden the room bursts to life again. He’s barely focussed on the questions being thrown at him, opting to let Sharon take most of them because it feels less dishonest that way. The fewer words he says, the less lies come out of his mouth and it makes him feel ever so slightly less guilty lying to the entire world.

Sharon squeezes his hand to grab his attention and gives him a look which screams ‘try harder’, but because they’re surrounded by a hoard of people she can’t actually say it aloud.

Maria’s on the phone beside one of the cameramen, and even through all the bustling noise, he can hear the distinct sound of her making arrangements for ‘the happy couple’. Dread settles in his stomach which sinks beneath the floor like an anvil.

To top it all off, he looks beyond where Maria is standing to find you busy discussing something which much be exceedingly important with some other crew members. Normally you’d be watching on with a reassuring smile, and when his gaze would meet yours, everyone else would melt away and it would seem like you were the only two people in the whole world. But he can’t exactly blame you for doing your job.

Bucky suddenly feels extremely claustrophobic, caged in by the bright lights, cameras and people working in the limited space provided by the set. It’s like his body is viscerally holding in his last breath until you turn around and look at him, and he’s suffocating waiting for something he intrinsically knows won’t happen.

He stands up, waving off the make-up artists who are rushing over from their station to ensure Sharon and himself look perfect for the next interview.

“I’ll be back in a minute.” He mumbles, not waiting for permission he knows he wouldn’t receive before trudging away to his dressing room.

Bucky relishes the moment alone, away from the mayhem, having the space to take a breath and calm the swarming anxiety in his chest. It’s not as effective as the comfort you provide whenever you are in his presence, but he knows it’ll have to do for now.

At that moment Becks’ name flashes on his phone and guilt pangs in his stomach that he’s forgotten about until now. He’s been ignoring her calls all week - his excuse is that he’s been insanely busy since the premiere, but he knows the real reason is because she’ll be disappointed he hasn’t told you what she could so plainly read on his features when the three of you were in the same room.

He hits ignore once again with the internal promise that once he summons enough courage to disclose his feelings for you, he’ll return her call. Ringing with either fantastic news, or in need of consoling a broken heart.

“Bucky?” He hears your voice call his name and he immediately turns around to the source, heart skipping a beat seeing your eyes land on him for what feels like the first time since under the dim light outside the premiere venue a week ago. He takes a couple seconds to commit your features to memory, knowing burning the image in the back of his mind will help him gather the strength he needs to return to the monotonous stream of interviews.

“Yes?” Bucky enquires to break the silence, something that even now, when he’s positive you’re avoiding him because you’re opposed to his promotional methods, has never been awkward between the two of you.

“They need you back out there.” Before he can even so much as thank you for the instruction, you’ve closed the door and he’s all alone again.

He can barely function only seeing glimpses of you. There’s a certain quality about you that no matter how tired he is of answering questions and interacting with people, he’s never too fatigued to be around you. Time spent with you allows him to recharge, and without that it feels like he’s running on empty.

Bucky takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and picturing how he felt the night after the infamous Alexander Pierce interview when you stayed up with him until the early hours of the morning, laughing at old movies and throwing popcorn in each others mouths, before he carried you to bed and seriously considered climbing in next to you.

Those are the memories with you he cherishes, even more so now that you’re giving him the cold shoulder, and is what will keep him going for the rest of the day. Probably even the rest of his life.

And with that happy thought, he’s ready to take on the next interview.

* * *

You feel your heart sink below your stomach for what feels like the thousandth time this week.

Each interviewer is asking the same damn question, ‘how did the two of you get together?’, which of course prompts Sharon to deliver the same damn response each time. You could recite her answer word for word at this point, but it doesn’t make hearing it yet again any less painful.

It’s a recurring nightmare you’re unable to wake from.

You do your best to keep busy, which isn’t all that difficult when there’s a million different interviewers rotating through who you need to provide copies of Bucky’s ‘no go’ list in an attempt to prevent a repeat of what happened on Alexander Pierce’s late night show.

But Bucky and Sharon are the eye of the storm, everything revolves around them, so it’s impossible to avoid their relationship altogether, nor the hollow, sinking feeling settling in the pit of your stomach when you catch a glance of them lovingly smiling at each other.

With each rotation of interviewers your resilience dwindles further. It’s only been a week, but you’re just about ready to break. The doting glances, the constant stroking of his arm, the intertwined fingers, adoring hand kisses, are each an additional stab to the heart which brings you closer to your demise.

You really would think of them to be such a cute and affectionate couple if one half of the pair wasn’t the beginning and end of your whole world.

You want to go home and cry your eyes out until the headache you get from being dehydrated is worse than the ache in your chest from your breaking heart.

As someone yells ‘cut’, the room coming to life with a frenzy, you do your best to fight the urge to look at the main stage where Bucky is currently sitting. All your instincts tell you to sneak a glance, but you know deep down seeing them together will bring about a heartache you’re sure you’ll never recover from.

So as arduous as it is to avoid staring at the same eyes that bring you a never ending supply of comfort and reassurance, and that seem to soften each and every time they notice you, without fail, you choose not to. Because at this point, the fear of more agony outweighs the morsel of solace you might find.

Why are you subjecting yourself to this?

To him, you’re just an assistant. Someone to do the organisational tasks that he either doesn’t have time for or purely doesn’t want to. A job multiple people who aren’t life shatteringly in love with him are qualified for.

You’re positive there will not be a day that goes by in which you will not be in love with James Buchanan Barnes, but quitting as his assistant would allow you a small fragment of peace that constantly being around him and Sharon will never allow.

That even if he isn’t yours, you wouldn’t have to watch him be someone else’s.

Perhaps that’s the most tranquillity this cruel world can grant you now.

Are you really about to do this?

In your moment of reservation you make the mistake of looking over to Bucky, in hope that seeing the handsome face which never fails to give life to butterflies in your stomach, will remind you why you do this job, but what you see instead does the exact opposite.

Sharon leans over the minimal space between the two chairs and kisses him, lingering for a few agonising seconds before pulling away, all toothy smiles as they intertwine hands.

Your heart crumbles into irreparably small pieces and you have to force yourself to heave a shaky breath.

It is unfortunately not the first time you’ve seen the two share a kiss, but you determine to yourself it will be the last.

You’ve made your mind up. You can’t endure this any more. You’re done.

After the last interview tonight, you’ll hand in your resignation.

* * *

As you knock on the door and twist the handle in response to Bucky’s mumbled ‘come in’, you feel yourself approaching the bottom of the seemingly eternal abyss you’ve been falling into since learning that Bucky is dating Sharon.

When you feel the sensation while sleeping, you get the relief of waking up, but the past week has been a nonstop, agonising plunge.

Though you’re nervous about how he’ll react, and petrified that in a moment of weakness you’ll disclose romantic feelings you want to keep secret in order to justify your departure, you’re certain this is the right decision, and that provides you the drop of courage you need.

“Hi.” Even in just the single syllable you can tell he’s completely worn out, but there’s a hope and longing in his eyes at the recognition it’s you who’s entered his dressing room that even his exhaustion can’t quell.

He hasn’t even put up a defence to what you’re about to do, but even just by looking at him, at those damn steel blue eyes which shine bright enough to illuminate even your darkest days, you question if you can go through with it.

Bucky looks at you expectantly, knowing you must have come in for something. There’s a small part of you, despite what you’re about to do, that makes your stomach clench at the thought that even though you’ve been avoiding him the last week, he still smiles when he sees you.

“I’m handing in my two weeks.” You manage to say, but your voice is weak and lacking any kind of conviction. It sounds more like a question than a statement.

“What?” His smile turns into an expression of shock in the time it takes you to blink. He stands, knocking his chair backwards, but his eyes are wide and only focussed on you. “I don’t accept your resignation.”

“Well then it’s a good thing it’s technically Maria’s management company that employs me. I just came here as a professional courtesy.” You turn to leave, unable to look at the undeniable hurt in his eyes and on his features you’ve caused. That will be your legacy to him, your last action in his life will be wrought with the agony of abandoning him.

“Is that all I am to you? A formality?” His words make you pause. As much as you need to move on from your own heartache of watching him in a relationship with someone else, you can’t leave knowing he believes he means so little to you.

You turn back to look at him and it feels like you’ve been shot in the chest, seeing desperation and hopelessness brimming in his eyes. You’re the cause of that.

“Not even close, Bucky. You mean so much more to me, that’s the whole point.” You put all your effort into making your voice level and believable. You might be leaving him but the reasoning behind it is because you care too much about him, not too little. With time, you hope he can understand that.

“The whole point of what?”

“Why I’m quitting - do you really think I’d be leaving if you meant nothing to me?” There’s a flash of something in Bucky’s eyes that you can’t quite place, perhaps something of a revelation, but so much more profound.

“Then why are you leaving?” You can feel tears stinging the corners of your eyes. You are dangerously close to revealing deeper feelings you promised you’d keep to yourself, that you wouldn’t divulge to Bucky and put him in the awkward position of having to turn you down because he’s already in love with another woman.

The searing pain of vocalising your devotion, the inevitability of being rejected by him overcomes you and you find your heart won’t let the words of affection leave your lips.

You take a deep, steadying breath and find yourself staring at the floor merely because you don’t have the strength to look into his bewitching eyes.

“It doesn’t matter now.” Is what you say halfheartedly, though you do believe it. Surely it’s too late now to be of any consequence. He’s fallen for another woman, you’re just the expendable assistant, nothing can change that now.

“Yes it does! You matter to me, so why you’re choosing to leave my life matters to me.” Your heart aches. You might matter to him, but not in the way your heart needs. Not in the all consuming, life changing, inescapable way that plagues every second of his life as he does yours.

You can feel your heart beating in your throat as you respond to him.

“All I want is for you to be happy, Buck, and you’re happy with her. I’m not going to jeapordise that, but it doesn’t mean I need to torture myself by having a front row seat to your love story.”

“Doll, you are my happiness!” You try to ignore the way your stomach flips and heart clenches as a result of his words. He’s just trying to make you stay… he doesn’t truly mean that. But then he continues and your world comes to a complete standstill. “If you’re referring to Sharon and I, that’s all fake! I’m not dating her, I’ve never been interested in her like that, it’s all for PR.”

Your hands start shaking and knees feel weak as your mind works to process his words. This can’t be happening. It was all fake? But then your mind flashes back to the fondness in Bucky’s eyes as he looked at Sharon at the premiere, as well as the way your heart ruptured when Maria confirmed their relationship and you can’t give your heart permission to believe him.

“No… no, that’s not what Maria said.” You stammer, replaying her words in your mind as you had done continuously since that infamous night to ensure you hadn’t misinterpreted them.

“What did Maria say?” Bucky’s voice has an edge of irritation which is hard to miss.

“She said Sharon was your girlfriend, real girlfriend… that you’d started dating while filming together.” Maria had been sure, unwavering, almost clinically so. She left no room for doubt.

“I’m gonna kill her.” Bucky mutters, almost to himself. “Doll, none of it was real, purely written into the contracts for promoting the movie. I think Maria saw how I feel about you and for her own twisted reasons wanted to push us apart.” You have to remind yourself to breathe because every single cell in your body is so overwhelmingly focussed on Bucky’s words that even your vital functions have stopped.

“How you feel about me?” You repeat his words breathlessly, unable to process their true connotation for if you’re wrong, it would surely end your entire existence.

Bucky’s eyes stare into your soul in a way that they never have before. He looks resolute, but somehow simultaneously vulnerable. Though you’ve seen him at his lowest, the fragility he’s openly displaying makes you suspect that there was always one last wall he kept part of himself concealed behind, shielding himself from one last heartbreak he just couldn’t bare to endure.

You observe in his eyes he’s pulled that wall down, and it’s like you’re seeing him, all of him, for the first time. And you’ve never been more in love.

“I was gonna tell you last week, after the premiere, but then you left and…” He shakes his head as he gathers his thoughts. When he looks up his eyes are filled with intent and don’t leave your gaze as he steps closer. You allow him to grasp your hands in his, his thumbs swiping over the backs of your hands affectionately and it takes every ounce of strength in you not to melt into his warm, musky scented embrace. When Bucky speaks there’s a crack in his voice. “The thought of you leaving takes away all my air, I can’t fucking breathe thinking that in two weeks you’re going to walk out of my life and never look back. I need you. You are absolutely everything to me. You are in every moment of my life, regardless of if you’re actually present for it. It’s you I will always search for in a crowded room. Whose eyes I find solace in and whose smile gives my life purpose. I live to be the reason for that beautiful smile. You are who I want to tell every good piece of news to first. Whose hand I instinctively reach for when I need the reminder I’m not alone in this isolating spotlight. Every moment of my life revolves around you. You are the nucleus of my world that I cannot live without.”

“Bucky…” You feel like you’re about to collapse. Your mind is racing too fast for any coherent thoughts to form, but warmth and adoration fills your entire body like a sugar high.

“Doll, please, you are it for me. There is no one else, even if you do choose to leave. You are my definition of love. You will be the person who I compare everyone else to, and I can already tell you with absolute certainty that none of them will even come close. There will never be anyone else for me, because it always has been and always will be you.”

You feel like you’re floating on a cloud, euphoria flowing in your veins and a warmth blooming in your chest so fiercely it almost feels like an ache. Tears sting behind your eyes, but you compel yourself to not let them blur your vision. You want to remember the pure love and devotion in Bucky’s eyes, how he’s looking at you like you truly are the only one in the world for him. As if, when he looks at you, everything else becomes hazy and you’re the only thing he sees.

All those moments, all the shared tender glances and lingering touches, all the generously sweet words you hope implied more than a simple boss-assistant relationship, it wasn’t just your imagination wishing he reciprocated your feelings.

Bucky had felt it too.

It was all real. So earnestly real.

“Bucky…” You reach up and cup his cheek, wiping away a stray tear which gently trickles from the corner of his eye with your thumb. He leans into your touch, closing his eyes and savouring the care in your contact. His prosthetic hand, which is still holding yours, gives you an encouraging squeeze, and when he opens his eyes again, his gaze is overflowing with adoration. “You are my home. The only reason I was going to leave was because I didn’t want to watch you fall in love with someone else. Loving you comes as easy as breathing for me. There is no one else in the entire world that I will ever love in that way, only you.”

You don’t even have time to breathe, for when those words leave your lips Bucky decides he simply cannot wait a second longer before kissing you. Though, you’re not complaining, it’s an urge you’ve been supressing constantly since you started working for him.

This kiss starts fast and frantic, you’ve both waited entirely far too long to express your love that you’re eager to feel as much of each other as possible. Bucky’s hands roam around your back, pulling you flush with him as yours start by cupping his face, before tangling in the long strands of his hair.

But when the realisation hits you both that you don’t need rush, that in fact you’ve got the rest of your lives to explore and memorise the intricacies of each other, the kiss slows to a sensual make out, taking your time to enjoy each other and what you’ve been longing for since the moment you met.

“Bucky?” You mumble his name against his lips, but he doesn’t allow you to say more then a single word and take a quick breath before his lips have covered yours again. You’re not sure how long you’ve been kissing him, but he’s clearly not done with you yet.

“Mhmm.” He hums into your mouth, hands slipping below the hem of your shirt, gliding over the smooth, bare skin of your back, sending shivers down your spine. He touches you gently, like you’re a precious flower he doesn’t want to crush, but rather preserve and admire for years to come.

“Take me home.” He pulls back, and your lips already miss being connected to his. You’ll never get enough of him, even if you were to kiss him for the remainder of your days.

He looks at you with a fondness and amazement that makes you think he can’t quite believe you’re his, even though your heart has belonged to him for as long as you’ve known him.

You tuck a strand of his hair behind his ear so you can have an unobstructed view of how he’s looking at you, soaking up the confidence which inflates in your chest when he gazes at you as if you hang the moon and stars in the night sky.

“As you wish, my love.” Bucky affirms, the twinkle in his eye makes excitement surge in your stomach - the night is far from over. He kisses you once more, savouring the feeling and to tide you both over until you make it back to his place.

Bucky takes your hand and refuses to let go as he proudly walks with you by his side through the studio, not giving a damn who sees the two of you together.

If you’d like to see more of these two, make sure to let me know ♥️

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Everyone’s Watching Him (But He’s Looking At Her) [Actor!Bucky Barnes] Taglist: @sunnyjane4 @valhalla-kristin @learisa @crispysublimecupcake @iamfandomwasted @blackwidownat2814 @hailey-holt @rosepetalsinwinter @wifeofbarnes @bucky-fricking-barnes-reads @vicmc624 @oliviagreen99 @gabshouse @raging-panda @priya212 @highlyintelligentblonde @buckyseddie @erynnnn @endless-summer-soldier @one-shot-plus-size @takeabreathdearh @its703pm @nefelibatansoul @theweekndhistorybook @albinotigerpython @goldenharrysworld @buckyslove1917 @supersanelyromantic @gothkitteh @ahrahrahraha @hopelessromantic423 @misshale21 @happeevacationday @farfromjustordinary @blackgirlbydna @mrsgweasley @readreblogfics @ashenc-blog @redbarn1995 @thewackywriter @missvelvetsstuff @broadwaybabe18 @buckys2lut @arny-montana @calirindo @justfic @crazyunsexycool @helpishouldstudy @alluringsirensworld @sarahyk27 @aya-daydreams @hotleaf-juice @kareish @yukio369 @hjzmwoodz @sabbbsstuff @vespercarmichael @fanfic-freak-cevans @marygoddessofmischief @cevansswhore

buck x reader where bucky is sad cuz he can't date nat and when frnd!reader asks him out he says yes even tho hes still in love/has a crush on nat, but when r asks he lies n says tht he's not n that hes just "protectivE" of her. later he gets drunk or maybe hes jus rly pissed off after something happens n when r tries to help him he gets angry and tells her that she's clingy n annoying n that he only dated her cuz he couldn't be w nat n that he almost says her name durin sex smtimes. you can escalate from there!1 love ur works sm btw, hope u hav a good dayy!!

okay, I'm hoping this is good! If not, I do apologise.

summary - bucky agrees to date you because natasha is already taken, how long can he pretend before he snaps?

warning - angst, swearing, unrequited love, near abuse but is stopped.

the gif I use isn't mine, dividers by @firefly-graphics

You smiled as Natasha encouraged you to ask out your long-time crush Bucky Barnes. You always thought he was into her, but then he started paying more attention to you. You decided to head over to Bucky when Sam came to collect Nat, his arms wrapped around her waist as he kissed softly on her temple. You smiled at the affection and love the two have for each other, hoping you’ll have that.

“Hi, Bucky!” You grin, waving slightly as you stop in front of him. You could’ve sworn your heart skipped a beat when he looked up at you.

“Oh, hi, Y/n” He gives you a tight smile, watching as he continues to look back at Sam and Nat. You feel your nerves get the best of you as you fiddle with your fingers.

“I wanted to ask… Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?”

Bucky shrugs. “Sure.” You’re too happy to see how uninterested he is, wishing him goodbye before skipping away to your room. 

It’s been a few months since you and Bucky started dating. At first, you were ecstatic. You thought he was really into you until you noticed how he acted around Nat. You walked into the room and watched him watch her and Sam for a while.

Walking closer, you sit next to him. Feeling your heart crack a bit when he scoots away from you. “Buck…” He hums, not even taking his eyes off her. “Do you still have feelings for Nat?” 

Bucky’s head whips around, looking at you like you grew three heads. “What? No! What kind of question is that?”

You look down as you play with the end of your shirt. “It’s just… You’re always talking about her or looking at her, and I just thought….”

“Jesus Christ, Y/n! I’m just protective of her. Stop being so insecure.” And with that, he stands and walks off. Leaving you to feel like shit, not noticing Nat and Sam looking at you with pity from across the room.

It had been a few days since Bucky snapped at you, and he’s become distant. You're currently sitting on your bed, feeling tired. You flip through a book you’ve been meaning to read but can never find the time. You’re interrupted by a knock at the door causing you to get up and head over.

When you open it, you’re met with Steve holding a very drunk Bucky. “I didn’t know where else to take him… Please be careful. He’s acting a bit off today.” Steve looks at you sheepishly. You smile softly, taking your drunken boyfriend off his hands, thanking him and closing the door.

“C’mon, Bucky, let’s get you to bed.” A whimper leaves you as Bucky pushes you off him, turning around and glaring at you.

“Jesus fuck! Why the fuck are you always so fucking clingy? Do you know how fucking annoying it is to always have you near me or talking to me?!” You blink, too shocked to move as he explodes. “Fucking hell! I didn’t even want to fucking be with you! Why would I want someone like you when someone like Natasha exists?!” Bucky stalks closer to you, and you quickly take steps back until you are pushed against the wall. “I only fucking said yes to you because Sam fucking took her from me!” 

“B–but”

“But what?! Did you think that I could love you, YOU?!” Bucky’s metal fist flies to the wall beside your head, causing a dent. “You’ve never even questioned me, always requesting to fuck you from behind! Is it because deep down you knew that I secretly wished it was her?! That her name nearly slips from my mouth when I’m balls deep inside you!”

You take a shaky breath, feeling tears roll down your face, but you’re too numb to move. Bucky's fist lifts, and you flinch, thinking he will hit you. You squeeze your eyes shut, only opening them when you hear someone yelling. 

Your eyes widen when you see Steve tackling Bucky, holding him down as he screams to let him go and how much he hates you. Steve turns to you and feels his heartbreak at the terrified look in your eyes. “I got him. Go to my room. I’ll be there soon.” 

You take off, heading straight to Steve’s room and throwing yourself into his bed. You bury your face into his pillows, crying into it before falling asleep. 

Steve enters his room, looking at you sadly before he crawls in behind you. His heart skips as your body curls into him. He wraps his arm around you and holds you close as he falls asleep.

thank you for reading!

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