I Genuinely Cant Think About Crimson Rivers Without Feeling Completely Sick To My Stomach And Tearing

i'll be fine and then i'll remember that regulus was 14 when choices started. FOURTEEN. and he'd already been through so much, and his life was on a ticking clock because he dies 4 years after the start of the story. he was literally a child it makes me feel so sick.

i think one of the most devastating parts of choices for me was all the things that were left unsaid between all of them. all the words they chose to swallow and never say. james and sirius never really processed or talked about how he was in love with regulus, what he saw in him, never learned the full truth of how much it hurt sirius. even close to the end of the story, when reg visits sirius' dreams it's clear he's not over it. that they just brushed it away and then reg dies and you can tell that he really doesn't have a clue just how much this destroys james.

the same for sirius and reg. they never hash it out, they never fully understand the depths of which they care about each other because they never let themselves really talk about it. they both echo this sentiment, saying they thought they'd have more time. more time to say all thats unsaid, that sirius DID write those letters, regulus DID love sirius, that they both felt abandoned by each other but loved each other so much. it's just so tragic to me.

obsessed with post first war wolfstar and remus. need a long fic detailing prisoner of azkaban from remus' pov. need remus haunted by his friends' ghosts, sirius' escape and break ins, the months of agonising, FINALLY reuniting with sirius. this is where the money is people.

rewatching gof bc i watched poa in theatres yesterday and am watching ootp in theatres tomorrow. and im getting to the scene where harry goes into the pensieve and goes to the court room. and like i’ve seen this scene many times but. “mr rosier is dead” and it’s like. it’s hitting me bc oh he died in the ministry of magic. the attack on the ministry. where regulus got injured and james went to see him and…like i forget that canon compliant fics take place in canon and that harry potter is canon…therefore these events take place after the fanon canon compliant events. and that regulus black and james potter were in love in this fanon canon universe. and that regulus black was present when evan rosier died and his death being referenced in gof is a reference to the attack on the ministry in choices which is not canon but could exist in canon because choices is canon compliant. and jegulus is real not because jkr wrote them into the canon hp books, but because the magical wizarding universe itself that exists itself is thing and they existed in that universe in choices. so they exist in hp movies too…technically

the epilogue of choices paralleling the end of the song of achilles is so magical to me. two souls finding their way back together in the next life because this one wasn't ready for them. all the ways patrochilles parallels jegulus in choices is my favourite in general but the ending SPECIFICALLY. Knowing they're together out there is so important to me

he wanted so badly to make things right, to TRY, to do the right fucking thing and he was so close. so close yet so far. it physically hurts

I think the saddest thing about choices is regulus’ death but mostly the part when he tried. He tried to appareate, he tried to sommon broom, he tried to get out, he really fucking tried and that is maybe what is james talking about when he’s talking to lily. I think I see myself in regulus, trying so hard yet failing

❛ finally the skin reflects the madness within. ❜

❛ you'd know all about the madness within, wouldn't you, remus? ❜

– as a way of saying thank you for showing interest in my fic (which i'm truly am trying to grind out) and just to generally share with the wolfstar community, here's a wolfstar edit i made

(might be laggy because everything makes the quality terrible, sorry :( )

please god give me a soft unconditional patient love like james and regulus in choices. the kind that makes you question everything you believe in and makes a home in your chest and makes you feel full and seen and understood and accepted

the fact that sirius never fucking knew. never found out is so painful. no one else in that house cared enough to do anything about it, but sirius would have. he would've done everything in his power to keep reg safe, he genuinely believes he DID do everything to keep reg safe while he was there. their relationship deteriorated right as reg started needing him most and sirius started believing he didn't need him at all.

choices lucius malfoy is my biggest enemy