Being Popular On Tumblr Is Like Sitting At The Cool Table In The Cafeteria Of A Mental Hospital

Steve & Yusuf

I would like to propose a buddy comedy action flick with Steve Nedoroscik and Yusuf Dikec go on a road trip to retrieve Yusuf’s dog. There are high octane chase scenes, vaulting over obstacles, shootouts, and somehow friendship. Yusuf drives, Steve sleeps. Cameos from Anthony Ammirati and more. I just want to see more of them after the Olympics.

These swimming pools with black tiles are my aesthetic. 

i love humanity and our weird obsession with making drinking various liquids very hard to drink, for the fun of it

how much scarier would a frog be if it ran instead of hopped .. u just hear plat plat plat plat coming towards u and u look down and it’s a frog going at full speed

The Gondola

Have you ever misinterpreted something and really just questioned how that your version was the misinterpretation? 

It all started when school decided, many decades ago, that children were clearly going to pay attention at 7:30 am to a lecture on the French Revolution. Luckily for my class our teacher recognized that we would not be listening unless he woke us up first. So he preceded with his tried and true method, second only to giving us donuts, and third to jumping-jacks, was by gossiping about school and just life with us. 

So we did our usual morning conversations of a few of the more extroverted kids telling us what they did on the weekend, my only friend in the class ignoring everything to draw for a mother competing she entered, and then proceeding to us pestering the teacher with personal questions. This led to the very American question- 

“Hey, you're a public school teacher with three kids, how do you mange to live in the ‘rich kids neighborhood?’”

And that is where he began the Gondola story. And in actuality his story was shorter than my introduction. He simply answered-

“My wife fell off a Gondola before we met, and she sued the ranch.” 

Now, there are many things I misinterpreted from that sentence alone, but no, it got much worse because the second he said that, the entire class(Except my lone friend who was still nose deep in her iPad) gasped and asked if she(his wife) was alright, okay, doing well, etc. Well, those are okay-ish reactions, I guess. I mean, was the water dirty? 

If you haven’t guessed by this point, when I heard the word “Gondola” I assumed we were talking about the small Italian boat. I wasn’t even hung up on how the wife was doing, I assumed a small 1 foot drop in some water was not life threatening, I mean she clearly lived, this is before she married our history teacher. I was hung up on that he said “sued” and “Ranch.” I was not aware that Gondola’s were like Ubers, or taxi’s, I thought they sort of individually did that sort fo thing. And why would there be a Gondola on a ranch? 

But those questions were immediately shunted to the bottom of the list after what came next. The most prominent follow up question was-

“How far did she fall?”

What? It is a Gondola. How far could she have possibly fallen?

“85 feet.” 

Now most of my class reacted as one would suspect, with loud gases and “oh-no’s.” But I’m not most of my class. My only thought was ‘what?’ I had moved on from her safety by this point because my only reference for how far a human has to fall to die is 630 feet because that’s the height of the St. Louis arch- and never mind I was more baffled by falling 85 feet out of a Gondola. 

I didn’t even begin to think that maybe I had misinterpreted something by that point because I was more troubled with trying to visualize a Gondola, with 85 stools on it and- no, how would that work? It’s too tall and the base is too small, it would topple over. Not to mention that the Gondola would never fit under any bridge, at all. 

How was this all cleared up, you might ask? Well another one of my classmates asked which ski ranch it was at- 

Yes, as I figured out my asking my only friend, in my neck of the woods we call Ski Lifts, specifically the fully enclosed ones, Gondolas. The wife is fine, she’s doing well with little-to no adverse health effects(She actually bounced off something during her fall, but it’s not my story to tell.) and my history teacher is still teaching. And that is how I misinterpreted Gondolas. 

One of the baristas at a nearby Starbucks makes me lose my mind every time I’m working there by saying things that are not outside the spectrum of normal human words but are just slightly off-the-wall.

Barista: Welcome to Starbucks, home of delicious, what deliciousness can I put in motion for you today?

Customer: … Can I get a trenta pink drink please?

Barista: Go big or go home, we here at Starbucks appreciate your commitment, what else can I get started for you?

***

Customer: Nitro cold brew with shots of espresso please.

Barista: Brave of you to commit to staying awake for three days, anything else today?

***

Barista: *slams open drive-thru window* HI HOW ARE YOU?

Customer: …I’m pretty good.

Barista: Are you ready to be even better? Because you’re about to be. *hands them their coffee* 

***

Barista, realizing that a drink was made wrong: *slams open window* SO how do you feel about surprises?

Customer: ….they’re okay.

Barista: Great because I’m about to give you one.

***

Barista: You have two drinks so I am going to hand you two straws which means, FANTASTIC news, these straws double as drumsticks. / You have one drink so I am going to hand you one straw and, promise not to tell anyone, this straw doubles as a magic wand.

***

Barista: Here are those cake pops, I plucked them fresh from the tree myself.

***

Barista: *slams open window, holding drink* Amazing, fantastic, delicious, you are a very lucky man/woman!

***

Barista, realizing drink is being delayed or remade: Looks like it’s gonna be just one minute so they have time to put the extra love in.

***

Barista: I’ll be with you in one hot second. *beat* WOW that second sure was hot!

Anyway she has a few dozen catchphrases she rotates appropriately and it’s both distracting and fantastic to listen.

I laminated a paper towel

PSA: Today is #MentalHealthAction Day! Just leaving these here for you.

4 super easy actions you can take right now:

Step 1: Go through your own self-love checklist - maybe add meditation, listening to a favorite song, watching a funny video, taking a deep breath and a stretch break, looking into counseling, reaching out to a friend, or asking for help!

Step 2: Browse through our mental health playlist on Tiktok for tips

Step 3: Visit and share our Get Help page with resources from over 1,000 organizations in 30+ countries, making it one of the most comprehensive databases for LGBTQ+ youth in the world.

Step 4: Remember that no matter what tough thing you’re going through right now…it gets better. 💜

so I was listening to music and got this message… at first I assumed that my boyfriend sent the wrong person a message asking for toilet paper, but when i got up to bring him some i saw his phone on the bed and realized 

he left his phone in the room and only took his switch with him, so all he could do was desperately tweet an SOS