AND WE LIKED IT! :D

i be like "yeah i was so weird in middle school i liked creepypastas and stuff" and then you look at my search history now and it's mandela catalogue, mouthwashing, bad parenting, ihnmaims and stuff

Tumblr Code.

the ghost of one specific homosexual cowboy regularly possesses Tumblr gays

Thank you for submitting your request, NYPD. It will be reviewed by the claims board and you will be notified of their decision in 10-14 business days.

I want to wish the brian thompson shooter a very good night, an amazing weekend and a safe, anonymous life. I hope they never even come close to catching you, king.

Also, I have a list if you want to do it again.

Assumption: you don’t like pineapple on pizza

three hours soul-dead into my shift; i would’ve swallowed plaster if it meant i could leave. droning phones—sales script, etc. etc. (who here hasn’t been dehumanized by minimum wage?) my manager came in to send us all home. we’re closing early today because of the coup. the coup? the fucking coup? what fucking coup? born-again-nazis-illusioned-for-justice climbing the walls, apparently. brought ladders and guns, apparently. to washington, apparently. sir, we live in canada?? doesn’t really matter. we close (no, we’re not getting compensated, but it doesn’t really matter because see aforementioned statement re: plaster). at home (thrilled and confused) i find my sister cutting fresh pineapple on the laminate countertop, and take a big bowl as a reward for not eating plaster. i sit on the rug. i prop up my laptop and watch the news from five thousand kilometers away. the president tells his thugs that they’re “special people”. fun times. fun times. around then, swallowing (something i have historically been very good at) becomes as insurmountable as the american capitol building (a-fucking-pparently). pineapple is my forbidden fruit—because that was the day i finally realized i was allergic to pineapple :(

i can't fucking shut up about the man that people are starting to call "The Claims Adjuster" because he not only shot that evil fucker but:

wrote deny defend depose on the bullets in sharpie

deliberately left behind a backpack in central park full of fucking monopoly money

and the cherry on top (so far) is that he potentially used a gun that was designed for veterinarians to put down sick animals

its art, its amazing, this is the best thing thats happened in like 10 years and he is my hero. Everything has felt so bleak and this is like a ray of light shining through the dark clouds into my soul

may they never catch him, and may we never find out who he was

Whenever the news talks about the Adjuster:

If I don't start seeing AO3 tags with "no beta we die like the UHC CEO" I'm gonna lose what little faith I have in humanity