I Feel Like I Heavily Relate To 'everybody's Falling In Love, And I'm Falling Behind', Because All My

i feel like i heavily relate to 'everybody's falling in love, and i'm falling behind', because all my friends have dated, many have kissed boys they've liked, or even haven't like, they did it just for fun to try it out. but i'm the last actual romantic friend who's been single all her life, (other than some situationships that did nothing but mess with my perspective on the meaning of the word love), all because i've been pining over the same boy for four years, who i've been friends with since i started school with him, and who i'm afraid will always see me as the friend who he can talk to about his crushes, and he's too caught up in our friendship to notice that my smile dims every time he brings up a new crush, another girl who i will constantly compare myself to and ask myself 'what's so different about me from everyone else?' but i'll remind myself time and time again that i'm not different in a bad way, i just worry my view on romantic relations changes the way i could actually operate in one, and i have no reference to what a real relationship feels like since i've been celibate my whole life, and i'm constantly wondering if real romances would be like the beautiful ones they describe in books and show in movies, or if i'm just going to be disappointed and underwhelmed when i finally live the experience i've longed for since i was young.