Duke, choking on his own spit: Wh- are those-?
Danny: Magic the Gathering cards? Yeah, I'm helping Constantine build his deck!
Constantine, entirely unwilling to ask questions or dispute this being of immense power: Yeah. It'll go great with my water deck.
Duke:...Sure. Yeah, okay.
*Three Weeks Later*
Duke: Hah! Take that!
Constantine: You and your stupid light deck. But I guess you didn't expect this!
Bruce:...Why is Constantine in our living room?
Danny, currently scorekeeper and going to play whoever wins: We're playing a game. Constantine's losing right now.
Constantine: I am not!
Duke and Danny: You are.
In every (most) fics. Danny figures out the batfams identities, via Jason and his being ead aftereffects or just figuring out, which is cool and all. But what if he didn't.
Like what if Danny got adopted by the Waynes and just didn't realize how weird they were and vigilante like they were, he was just obvious to it. Insane amounts of obviousness. It could go one of two ways. Him genuinely not realizing.
Danny: hey, you look a lot like someone i know *suspicious eye squint* Nightwing: Ehm, do I? most be some good-looking person, *nervous laughter* Danny: Hmmm *Shrugs* ah well, must a freaky coincidence. Nightwing: Ha, ha...Yeah...that's it. Or denial. Him not wanting to have any semblance of a normal life be destroyed to denies it desperately. Tim: Look Danny, there's something you gotta know *pulls out red robin suit for proof* Danny: Oh, cool cosplay! looks almost like the real thing. Tim: What? No, it's- Danny: *grabs Tim by the shirt* It's not the real thing because this is a totally normal family, right? This totally normal family who has no deep dark secrets, who has no portal to the afterlife in the basement, right? Tim: eh, right.
"I forgot to turn it back on again,"
"YOU WHAT-"
WHO DECIDED THE BEST OF ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS WAS A GOOD PLAYLIST
Ah, time for my most least favourite thing: a party. Don't you love standing in a crowd and yet feeling entirely isolated? Stay tuned for more incurable introvert and socially anxious thoughts.
Afab Flash: OMG, you're trans too? Samesies!
Afab Billy, who also has an amalgamation of the previous Marvel's stuffed into his head along with all the powers: Really? That's awesome!
You know what must be crazy! Billy going to a museum and seeing Captain Marvel in a painting or artifact. Billy is just living his life doing the one of the free things that won't kick him out, that's also separate from his hero life, and he sees one of the past avatars.
Or Captain Marvel goes to a museum in one of the Justice League's cities sees himself and freaks out. It's even worse if he's on a stealth mission with the League trying to catch a thief.
Cap: Oh my Gods!
Flash: What?
Cap: That's me in the painting fighting demons!
*Points to a painting of a woman covered in blood with a sword in one hand and holding the neck of a demon in the other, screaming like a banshee in what looks like hell*
Flash: !!!!!
What a year this week has been.
Never mind, full regrets, someone brought a bedazzled jug of milk.
Ah, time for my most least favourite thing: a party. Don't you love standing in a crowd and yet feeling entirely isolated? Stay tuned for more incurable introvert and socially anxious thoughts.
Ok what this about a mountain?? Bird boy?
That's @st-whalefall 's story, it's pinned on their profile, so if you're interested you should check it out.
"They have black hair and blue eyes, Master Bruce. I do believe that is referred to as the pot calling the kettle a serial adopter, sir."
So like, sad time, but Alfred dies while Bruce is doing his world tour. He never survived long enough to see Bruce become Batman. Died alone in the Manor, after a particularly nasty fall and a broken neck.
But that was unacceptable.
Master Bruce, insufferable boy, could not lose another paternal figure in his life. Also the Manor was still a mess, and Bruce would need someone to make sure he didn't accidentally poison himself.
So he hid his corpse on the Manor grounds, and got to work.
And he was so glad he stayed; sure, it had taken a bit to stop glowing, but really the floating thing was amazingly helpful in reaching the chandelier, and after Master Bruce had returned he had gotten so many grandchildren.
Fast forward; Danny defeated Pariah Dark, he is Crown Prince of the Infinite Realms, Dan is attempting reformation and is technically a Prince by relation, and Dani is attempting to be Dan's parole officer and is definitely a Princess 100% she never forgets that no sir.
And Danny gets approached by some of the Observants, and they tell him that there is a very powerful ghost in Gotham, one that fully and completely blends in with humans and really needs to come to the Infinite Realms to complete his paperwork. But whenever they show up, this ghost thinks that they're there to force him to stay in the Infinite Realms.
And he kicks their asses.
Brutally.
For a bit he had a tiny kid ghost with him kicking their asses as well, but the kid randomly disappeared one day.
The Observants very clearly outline that this ghost is not Gotham herself, although the tax-evading criminal has been seen having tea with her.
Danny has no desire to deal with this; he just graduated high school and needs to focus on what college he's going to choose, so if Dan or Dani want to throw hands with some weird Gotham Ghost then by all means. Fuck taxes anyways, what did the Zone even take for taxation, what-?
So Danny splits his time college hunting and trying to find out how tax laws work in the Ghost Zone.
Dani goes to the old man first, and Alfred promptly sits her down and gives her cookies and hot chocolate, treats her like the kid she's never been treated like between Vlad and all of the Zone focusing on the Princess thing, and she feels at home for the second time in her half-life.
Dani gets a call from a nervous Observant, and promptly tells him she isn't going back either so nyah.
Dan goes to pick her up, and Alfred asks him if he is quite alright, he looks rather tense, and that if it is a fight he wants then the Justice League could probably use a new member, after all Alfred knows an upstanding young man when he sees one, and clearly Dan just needs a chance to prove to himself that he can be good.
Just like another young man Alfred knows.
Dan gets a call from a nervous Observant, and tells them that he's a little busy stopping an alien invasion, and is a tentative member of the Justice League now so he doesn't have time for their bullshit.
Also fuck taxes.
Finally, Danny has no choice.
He goes to drag this random old man and his little sister back to the Zone himself.
Alfred takes one look at him and slowly slides a flier for Gotham University across the kitchen island.
"Your younger sister speaks well of you," the dead butler says, eyes beaming, "and I believe that, given what she has said, you qualify for one of the Wayne Educational Grants for a full ride, so to speak."
Alfred never gets dragged into the Ghost Zone, although eventually he does learn that they weren't trying to drag him into the Land of the dead but were just trying to get him to do paperwork.
He never goes.
Bruce, however, is very fucking confused as to where these strange kids came from.
Yo! I'm Lira, she/her, LiraBuswavi on Ao3, and I'm just here to have a good time. The header is fanart I received for a fanfic I wrote! Check out @doodlesforfics, they're an amazing artist.
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