There’s A Ton Of Shit You Can Get In Life If You’re Willing To Submit Yourself To The Mortifying

someone: i think the world of you and i appreciate you being in my life, you’re smart and talented and beautiful. i love you.

me, a person who is unable to respond well to compliments and has trouble expressing emotions: *finger guns* cool beans

People born in 1997 are turning 18 now do you know how scary that is

and i think to myself…. what a wonderful worm

life hack: get a tattoo. if the people at the job interview notice it and look concerned, laugh a little and explain “it’s just temporary.”  months later if your boss asks why you lied and said it was a temporary tattoo, stare off into the distance and whisper with a tremulous voice the poor excuse for truth your subconscious has been fighting for its entire insignificant existence: “everything is temporary.”

Where were you on March 15th, 2016?

IM SO UPSET MY BAND DIRECTOR ARRANGED THIS AND NOW WE HAVE TO PLAY IT I CANT ESCAPE THE MEMES

The first plant to become a venus fly trap

ah yes, yellow concrete, make russian boy BEEG n STRONK