So I Was Having Some Deep Thoughts In The Shower Earlier (because Who Doesn’t Have Deep Thoughts In

so i was having some Deep Thoughts in the shower earlier (because who doesn’t have Deep Thoughts in the shower?) and i kind of figured out why the word “genius” bothers me so much. aside from being a ridiculously elitist word, it’s inaccurate. and it’s misleading.

when i was a kid, i read a lot - and i really mean a lot. in the bath, on the bus, after lights out, under the desk at school, everywhere. as a result, i developed literacy skills a lot earlier than most of my peers. and as a result of that, i was told constantly that i was “gifted” - put into special classes, sent to child psychologists, allowed to read books instead of doing actual homework, all the rest of it.

and it fucked me up.

why? because in the end, i really wasn’t all that gifted. i was an average kid who just happened to be an early developer. so when i went to senior school, it was a massive blow. not only had the people around me caught up to me (and in most cases, surpassed me) but but i’d gone from being a big fish in a small pond to a medium-sized fush in a fucking enormous pond. additionally, because i’d spent my whole life thus far being told that i was Naturally Smart, i’d never actually learned how to do any work. i’d never needed to.

as a result, my grades plummeted. i developed anxiety. i procrastinated endlessly out of fear of not being “perfect”. i was stuck in this weird place where i desperately needed to be better than everyone else, but actually having to revise and study felt like a kind of weakness. i’d lost the one thing that made me special. it wasn’t enough to be sort-of good at stuff - i had to be the best. and because that clearly wasn’t ever going to be possible, i just stopped trying.

hundreds of kids go through this. hundreds of kids are told they are geniuses, prodigies, gifted, and so on, just because they can do certain things that their peers can’t. and it’s bullshit, because, ultimately, there is no such thing as a “genius”. or rather there is, but it’s not a noun - it’s an adjective. (for example, you can be a genius at cooking, or at writing poetry, or at debating a point.) there are people who have excellent logical and critical thinking skills, which bumps up scores on an iq test (another grossly inaccurate way of measuring intelligence), but who can’t write an essay to save their lives. there are people who can successfully argue their way out of any situation and write a kickass final paper, but can barely do their times tables. these are skill sets. the word genius has become an almost mythical term - a separate class of beings who can do incredible, inexplicable things like multiplying four-digit numbers in their heads or solving rubik’s cubes in the time it takes to fry an egg. sure, these are pretty cool talents, but why should possessing them automatically elevate the person to a higher level than the rest of us? why are they more respected than being hardworking, or kindhearted?

so here’s a concept: let’s stop praising kids for the stuff that they’re naturally good at, and start praising them for what they aren’t. praise them for working hard. or for getting a good mark in a subject they hate. teach them that it’s okay to not be good at stuff, so long as you try. because - and i wish my parents had told me this when i was younger - intelligence really isn’t everything.

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HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS IN 3 EASY STEPS

STEP 1: purposefully bump into girl(make sure you are typing into your calculator while doing this)

STEP 2: say “im sorry. i didnt see you, i was taking inventory of all my lizards”

STEP 3: make sure she sees the number 42069666 on the screen


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8 years ago

I've been wanting to ask your advice for a while, and your drawing from when you were seven has made me finally act. I'm a dad with two daughters, ages 2 and 4, and they're starting to show interest in drawing. It's pretty typical scribbles like all kids. But do you have any suggestions for how to encourage them? Are there things I should look out for that could stifle or discourage them? What kind of encouragement, if any, did you get when you were younger? Thanks for whatever you can tell me!

I think the most practical thing you can do is draw with them. Or at least let them see that you also do creative things. It doesn’t have to be drawing. But work creatively alongside them so they can see you working, too. It makes whatever they’re doing seem more valuable if they see Dad doing it. My parents both did this, and they still do it—they show me their creative projects as much as I show them mine, and we talk about whatever progress we’ve made or obstacles we run into. I can always discuss my creativity with my parents because I know that they understand the process.

But also—and this one is trickier because it’s psychology…

Don’t praise your girls for their goodness. The tendency with girls is to constantly tell them things like, “You’re so smart. You’re so talented. You’re such a good girl.”

And when you do that, girls ends up believing that it’s part of their character. They believe that goodness is part of who they are, rather than something they can practice at, fail at, and improve at. They think they can’t change. 

That’s why, when girls get older, they’re more likely to give up. They’re more likely to be extra hard on themselves. Especially in the arts and sciences. Because nobody told them that the qualities that make them good aren’t innate but can in fact be improved upon.

So the message you want to send to your girls is that if they work hard, and if they practice, they can get better. The task might be difficult, but it’s acceptable to fail because the ability to improve is in them.

The message you don’t want to send is that they are innately good. Because they’ll believe it, and when failure comes their way, they’ll think it’s something that can’t fix. They’ll think, “This should have been easy. I should have succeeded. Because Dad told me I was smart and good.” 

And they’ll give up.

Also, OH MY GOD. Take them to look at art. Have art around. Let them try art. Let them meet artists. Make sure they see as much art as you can shove in their cute little faces. 

Hope that helps! Hugs to your girls. <3

7 years ago
8 years ago

#kirbysDreamLandChallenge

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Stuff I like that I reblog, and stuff that I post .... Luke

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