When Squad Is Roasting You But You Have No Comebacks

*completely speechless*

“Hawaii Gov. David Ige told reporters at a press conference that an employee “pushed the wrong button” during a shift change, which sent the false alert, adding that an investigation was underway.” (x)

first item on the agenda: moving the “nuclear holocaust” button farther away from the time clock

Y'all realize the subtle Had To Do It To Em Guy edits are basically just modern Where’s Waldo at this point right

so if in the soulmate au the very first words your soulmate ever says to you are tattooed somewhere on your body since the day you are born imagine having something like ‘man I cant believe dumbledore died’ tattooed on you. imagine being spoiled for a book series that doesnt even exist yet. imagine worrying about this dumbledore guy your whole childhood while not knowing who he is. imagine knowing dumbledore dies before jk rowling even thinks about it.

Macbeth:

every day the same telemarketing company calls us. I’ve asked to be taken off their calling list, I’ve tried to be civil, I’ve even tried to not answer the phone, yet they’ll keep calling. So now I’ve resorted to making the phones calls as annoying as possible for them.

Today I asked the person to hold while I got a pen and paper. As of now, they’ve been waiting 45 minutes.