Like-luke-likes - Like-Luke-Likes

i don’t feel like i’m old enough to be my age

when you see a person smile and it’s like……holy shit…….what is this magic…………please do that again

life goal? glad you asked. i take up jogging. eventually i start running. day and night. nonstop grind until i hardly break a sweat. i train a little more each day until my stamina is at its maximum possible limit. i start uploading videos of myself running to youtube. people all over the world are mesmerized by my speed and talent. i catch the attention of usain bolt, the fastest runner in the world. he offers to train me, to unlock my full potential as a runner as i lack professional experience. once he starts training me, i learn the ropes of competitive professional running. under his guidance, i am unstoppable. i start entering in local tournaments and leave my competitors in the dust. i win tournament after tournament until i make it into the olympics. here’s where the twist comes in. i throw the race on purpose. i take dead last. after the olympics, i go back to running in regional and eventually national tournaments. i win again and again. finally, i make i to the olympics again. i throw the race again. i build up a reputation as a runner who thrives until she makes it to the olympics. i repeat this cycle of tournament > olympics several times. finally, once more, i make my way to the olympics. i’ve built up my reputation to the point that everyone knows who i am. all eyes are on me. finally, it’s my time to shine. as the gun goes off and the race begins, i naruto run to the finish line and take gold. this was all a lot funnier in my head.

anderson: you bragged about sexually assualting women. What do you have to say about that?

trump: NOW, SPEAKING OF ISIS

if ur feeling desperately sad this summer, wait until it gets dark and half quiet and then open a window. cool air and passing cars are gonna heal ur heart. i promise

late night confession: i’ve been doing the cha cha slide for years now and i have no fucking idea what to do when the guy’s like “cha cha real smooth.” i have no fucking idea what to do so i just kind of walk in place until everybody else takes it back now y'all. i hope that nobody notices, but even then, i notice. i’m a fraud

they had me in both halves tbh

start referring to things you own as “your inventory”