These Days

Chai tea bag + lil but of brown sugar + apple cider packet + 16 oz. mug of hot but not quite boiling water

it will not Fix You but like. maybe. maybe.

I have been lying to myself secretly and now I’m not sure how to move forward

What part of myself likes to ignore reality, what part of myself likes to warp reality, what part of me doesn’t understand reality

It’s like I live in a day dream and the rude awakening’s become increasingly ungracious

Why is it so hard to face reality, to speak my mind, to be brutally honest to myself, why is it so hard.

Maybe it’s the fear, that causes the trembling and the aversion

Maybe I need to become friends with my fear

Space

Spaccccceeeeeeee

Spa ccccc eeeeeeee

It allows you breathe, to take a moment off that intense focus and then come back with fresh eyes to look at it again and maybe to see something different, something new, and maybe find a solution to that problem.

So take space, take up spaccceeeee

This might be an unpopular opinion but:

I'd rather start the romance all over again

I'd rather fix the problems

I‘d rather work on the triggers

I'd rather find out what went wrong

I‘d rather go through the hardships

I'd rather go through more fights and arguments

I'd rather go on more dates

I'd rather work on winning you over a million times

Than to start all over again with someone that won't be the same

via radiantsomatics

What hurts the most?

The denial within myself

The unveiling of the truth

The painting I drew that was a lie

The preparations to start again at the end

What really hurts the most is the disappointment

Am I ambitious

I have dreams, goals, things I want to do the kind of life I want to live but am i ambitious? I feel like I want to achieve my goals but also sleep when I need to or even want to, I want to have this lifestyle but actually have time to be in it.

Now I am not interested in being a new bill gates or Elon musk because I feel that kind of success defeats the purpose, your time, mind and life is perpetually occupied with one thing and for me that’s not exactly living